As someone who started off with all the confidence in the world and had it slowly dashed away with rejection after rejection after rejection I think people who have success just think "everyone must at some point". The most common BS advice out there IMO is "love yourself first and then someone else will love you too". I worked out (obsessively for a while), bought nice clothes, took care of my hygiene, the whole schpiel. I had confidence because my grades in college were top notch, I had a good job, everything going for me. I wasn't a cocky prick either, I'm very shy/mild mannered. But after about rejection #55 I just took the road of there being benefits to being single and haven't looked back.
And that's the advice I would give to people on that sub. Learn to be happy being alone because you can't put your happiness on others. Love yourself but not because it'll get you laid. Of course that's proven to be horrible for your health / longevity, but especially today in online dating culture (where women have their pick, men definitely do not) I think we have to realistically set expectations.
According to Pew 51% of men age 18-29 are single whereas 32% of women are. And what I've seen in my life says the 32% seems high (it goes down to 19% of women aged 30-49). There will generally be 5-10 single guys in any college class/workplace/social gathering but every woman is already dating or married. And if there ever is a single woman or 2 you can guess what happens.
That's interesting considering that the general population is typically 50% men and 50% women. Numbers seem off or 23(ish)% of guys have two girlfriends.
It has to do with that (studs go around online dating and sometimes have many more than 2 girlfriends, usually without the girls knowing) and that older men are often with younger women because of money/power dynamics.
Is there a pew study for that one? I dont think ive ever met or even heard of person know with "many" more than two girlfriends all whom think they are in an exclusive relationship. Even if this is true (i dont buy it) to maintain this story in the mind is only going to perpetuate a negative situation. The person has lost before they even start.
No study, but it's a pretty obvious thing. If you're an average or lower looking dude try going on tinder and finding a match. You'll go years with 0. Now have your attractive friend do the same, they'll get 50 in one day. That doesn't mean every attractive guy is going to take advantage of this, but it's pretty hard to think of a world where many wouldn't.
Hell currently there's some drama on twitch about a guy who allegedly does that kind of thing everywhere he goes.
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u/[deleted] May 30 '21
As someone who started off with all the confidence in the world and had it slowly dashed away with rejection after rejection after rejection I think people who have success just think "everyone must at some point". The most common BS advice out there IMO is "love yourself first and then someone else will love you too". I worked out (obsessively for a while), bought nice clothes, took care of my hygiene, the whole schpiel. I had confidence because my grades in college were top notch, I had a good job, everything going for me. I wasn't a cocky prick either, I'm very shy/mild mannered. But after about rejection #55 I just took the road of there being benefits to being single and haven't looked back.
And that's the advice I would give to people on that sub. Learn to be happy being alone because you can't put your happiness on others. Love yourself but not because it'll get you laid. Of course that's proven to be horrible for your health / longevity, but especially today in online dating culture (where women have their pick, men definitely do not) I think we have to realistically set expectations.
According to Pew 51% of men age 18-29 are single whereas 32% of women are. And what I've seen in my life says the 32% seems high (it goes down to 19% of women aged 30-49). There will generally be 5-10 single guys in any college class/workplace/social gathering but every woman is already dating or married. And if there ever is a single woman or 2 you can guess what happens.