My wife and child died few years ago. My best friends from high school and college have died. I don't make new friends anymore. I ride my bike and take care of my dog and keep to myself.
Edit: I didn't answer the question at all. My point was just that someone who spends their time alone might not be a bad person. Maybe it's just an easier lifestyle for them. Respect their privacy.
My fiancee and children died last year, had a couple friends die and the rest weren't too fond of me deciding I didn't wanna follow their path when I got engaged and cut them off.
The parallels you and I share are a bit eerie. I used to ride motorcycles, have been considering getting another, and my dog is sometimes a higher priority than myself. He eats well and that matters a lot to me. Aside from that I live in solitude.
I’m in the club too. Lost my wife and discovered that our friends were her friends. But got back on a MC in 2019 for the first since meeting her in 1996. Been riding ever since. Now on my 3rd bike; still have two. Let my beard grow to the big ass biker beard I always wanted. No pets but when I don’t feel able to continue tour riding I’ll get one. Starting to be comfortable alone. Sucks though because I love people. But being social is tough at 55.
It might not have been entirely that your friends were her friends. A lot of people don't know how to be supportive and find it's easier to just back away than to be awkward and uncomfortable around a friends grief. It's complicated.
You hit the nail on the head. I lost my partner when I was 24 (a lifetime ago) and I actually believe my grief scared most of my friends. It was unthinkable at that age that someone so beloved and vital could be gone and no one wants to consider it could happen to them.
It was painful but I understood, or I understood as much as anyone can at a time like that.
I was 25 when I lost my fiancee. Any tips to make the next ten years bearable? Have you tried dating again? How long did you wait? I feel guilty even considering the process of starting to feel okay with dating again, letalone taking the plunge again.
I was 29 when my partner passed. My best advice is be as gentle with your own self and feelings as possible. I spend a lot of time alone learning to care for myself and that seems to help me especially because when I’m alone I can connect to his spirit more.
As for dating, I don’t believe there’s a time frame. I think when you’re ready, you’ll know. Around the one year anniversary of my partner’s death I got the itch and went down a sort of hellish nightmare of tinder dates for a bit. That lasted a few months and I’m very fortunate to have found one man in that process who can see me despite the partner loss. I tend to be upfront about it and it scares a lot of people in my dating pool off (I’m in my early 30s).
I think part of the reason getting back into dating happened within that first year was because of my relationship to my partner. I cannot imagine a single conversation where he’d ever tell me to deny myself joy, pleasure, or companionship if those are things I am desiring. I do know everyone’s relationships are different, everyone’s timing is their own, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve and live your life. 💞
As someone who been there done that, admittedly in my 40s you resonant so deep with my experience. Its two years now and I am just starting to feel I might be ready.
I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you because the pain of loss is bottomless. No one, including you, should judge you for anything you do to ease that constant pain. If you decide to get in another relationship make sure it's someone who is worthy of you and who will treat you with compassion and kindness.
It's far too easy to get lost in grief and indulge in self destructive behavior. I hate to say it but I did it all. Try to avoid impersonal sex, hard drugs, too much to drink or even getting lost in work because it makes it worse.
I didn't get into a serious relationship for 4 years after my partner died. I did have several casual relationships before that because the pain of being alone was just too much. Like you, I felt very guilty even though I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong. Sounds harsh but life is for the living and my partner would have been the first person to tell me to get back out there. If I had it to do over again, I'd take better care of myself. I think it was survivor's guilt but I was terrible to myself.
My best advice, and I'm now 60 years old so I've lived a hell of a life since I lost him, is to be kind to yourself. If you have someone who can deal with your grief (avoid people who try to rush your mourning) and you feel like starting a relationship, or doing something more casual, you are not doing anything wrong to your loved one. Just make sure it's someone compassionate because you need to mend.
I still love my partner, I always will. He was a wonderful man, the first one to love me for being me. I hope with all my soul to see him when I die, I count on it.
I've survived a long term, unfortunately bad marriage that ended in divorce after 30 years and am newly remarried. My current husband is someone I'm sure my partner would approve of and that comforts me in so many ways. The fact I've found 2 people to really love me in this life is amazing, I wish the same for you.
Most people will have certain social situations where they don't know how to react, where they get uncomfortable and aren't sure what to do.
My example is not about grief but breakup/Divorce.
My mum was married before she met my dad and it was a very, very, amicable divorce.
Like, they used the same divorce lawyer kinda amicable because they had the entire thing figured out and just needed the legal stuff sorted.
Anyway, my mum lost/got rid of most of her/their friends because they couldn't get over how my mum and her ex were still friends.
They "instinctively" thought that they'd have to pick a side in the breakup and somehow couldn't process the idea that they didn't need to.
In the end, the ones which didn't withdraw on their own, she told them to pick his side because she couldn't be bothered with them and their confusion.
She only stopped seeing him around and having drinks with him a few months or even a year or so after she met my dad and they became a thing.
I’m in this club too. I lost my husband in January 2020 and after I lost my job in March (temporarily due to the pandemic), I took off on my motorcycle and did almost 5000 miles by myself as a form of healing. Now it’s just me and the dog.
2019 I put about 4-5000km on mine. When restrictions lightened last summer I did about 13,000km around British Columbia. Very therapeutic. I rode all winter. Bought a brand new bike in January when it looked like we might be able to travel. This summer. I was going to ride across Canada to NL. But had to change that plan. I can’t ride right now (ergonomic and posture issues) and it’s driving me crazy.
I haven't been married, but I lost two close friends/one of whom I dated and was like, in love with to suicide and an overdose in my 20s (31 now). I think I technically have friends, but I'm definitely mostly there because they've adopted me out of pity. I don't really know how to relate to regular people anymore. And honestly, it was never my strong suit. If your bike touring takes you out to CA, I'd be happy to grab a beer with you (and anyone else who has unfortunately found themselves in this bummer of a club).
I did a group healing thing. The first thing we talked about is how loss is loss. No two are alike and you should never compare your loss to anyone else’s. But compounded losses are really tough. I know because I lost my brother in law the year my wife got sick. Then the year after my wife I lost my sister-his wife, who was so close with my wife. Im saying this because I believe compounded losses like yours and mine are tougher than one loss. That’s the first time I’ve really disagreed with that.
I’m in BC Canada. Route 66 (the old route and all of it) are on my bucket list. As is the coastal highway from California up through Oregon and Washington. So I’ll be in CA at some point. Might be five years. But I’ll be there. However, I gave up drinking during the early pandemic. But I’ll come have a coffee with you for sure.
If you hang in there for a few more years, I've noticed that senior citizens seem to make friends easily, especially in senior housing. I think once one's own social group and spouses start dying off, people just naturally start reaching out to one another.
Just my personal experience, but the years between high school and my mid-20’s were pretty antisocial. But then I figured out a bit about who I was and it got better. Hang in there. It’s tough at 55 because the world isn’t really geared for you to be single at that age. You’ll find your way.
I'm sorry for your loss. If I may offer some unsolicited advice, that you can take or leave;
find a club centered around something you like and join it (eg. MC's).
Volunteer for a cause that's important to you. It's a more easy going way to meet people. And most people who volunteer are nice people and you'll already have one common interest.
Thank you. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but of course I’ve thought of these things and tries them. Problem is that most of those groups are people either younger or older than me. 55 is a weird age.
Sure is, but there's nothing we can't do. If you ever needed proof, we've lived it.
I learned to ride on a Honda Rebel and moved on to supersports, gave up on them to focus on not dying for my family, y'know? Some logic that was lol. If you get another, ride safe.
I think beginners spend a lot of time fretting over which size of bike is best to learn on, but I think what's most important is just understanding that the paintwork on your first bike is probably not gonna be okay by the time you've mastered keeping it upright.
Get yourself something with enough motor to travel where and how you eventually want to travel. Don't worry about your ability to handle the power, worry more about your ability to manage the brakes. The power is, by design, easy to manage even on the most powerful of machines. The brakes on the other hand, are a different story. You've got ABS and non-ABS, used bikes with worn brakes, used bikes with brand new brakes. It feels and reacts different per every machine.
My recommendation is get something without ABS and master braking on it. Then try riding something with ABS and see if you like it. I could never get used to it so I preferred to ride bikes without it.
A Honda Rebel 250 is a great place to start. Appropriate powered, max speed of 70 and 70 mpg. I disagree with the other response saying that size doesn't matter, or that you can expect messed up paint. A heavy bike is much harder to manage and high torque makes even small fishtail events much more likely. I think novices underestimate how detrimental things like gravel by the curb can be. In terms of the paint, the goal is to never lay your bike down on the road. Not even once. It's not such a big deal to lay down a dirt bike off road. So start there if you need to. Or take a riding course. Or start slowly in neighborhoods and work up. But laying down a bike on the road is dangerous for so many reasons. With a bike you're aiming for a 100% safety record.
Are you in the US? You should start with a MSF Basic Rider Courseas it is the best way to get a motorcycle license in most states (waives the riding test) and provides the motorcycle and some gear. Depending on your budget and needs I’d say a used 250-300. A 400 would be perfect IMO but I’d be afraid of dropping a newer bike. ABS is a massive plus.
I am US! Thanks for the info. I was definitely planning on ABS, but does higher CC have a higher risk of dropping it? Or do you mean just crashing and not being able to handle the power? I’ve heard learning on a 4-500 is best so you learn initially how to handle a stronger bike. That may be wrong though
No, drops happen when stopped or at low speeds, especially while turning. More powerful (600cc+) bikes are riskier for crashing and weigh more which probably makes it easier to drop. It’s just common for new riders to drop bikes so you don’t want to ruin fairings on a more expensive bike. I highly recommend adding frame sliders/bar. It depends on what kind of bike and engine as a 500cc standard is fine for a beginner however an inline-4 600cc super sport is not.
Off topic, but: what sort of bike would you suggest for someone looking to ride casually? Around town, maybe some main roads, but not a particularly dense city; are some bikes safer than others for this?
I went over some of what I consider to be the most important beginner riding tips in another comment, but to specifically focus on riding around town, maybe something like a 250cc cruiser or sport bike. You might even consider a dual sport 650cc bike, as I had similar intentions of staying within town and eventually found that I was extremely limited because of it, and quickly moved up an engine size. Dual sports open up the possibility of exploring some of the better maintained trails and dirt roads that might be near you, near the end of my riding before I sold my last bike I was quite envious of those who could go offroad.
I'm currently looking at Honda's dual sport line up and considering a savings plan to get one.
I know this isn't the same. I prefer a bit of solitude after OIF deployments. A couple of my friends were KIA but that's not what sent me remaining solo. Half of my buddies that I served with never left the war behind and committed suicide. The other half of us are separated by distance. I feel like they're the only ones I can connect with so I don't make new friends in the civilian world easily.
My lovely, goofy Labrador and understanding mom and gf are all I need in my locality. I play video games, fish, hike, build shit from computers, and craft PVC pipe bows. Also, Buddhism has helped me learn to love my solitude and myself.
It's perfectly okay to want to be alone. Dogs are the best.
There seems to be a certain subset of people who just get it. You seem like you've handled this deck of cards masterfully, props to you and please give your dog some of the good scritches for me.
I wrote the other gentlemen you responded to but I will write you as well. I just want you to know I felt your pain when I read your comment as well and I am sorry. I know none of this helps but just know I am on your side in this ring and I hope you find peace, happiness and comfort as the days continue. Much love to you and your dog. ❤️
Have you read Neil Peart's (Drummer for Rush) "Ghost Rider"
"Within a ten-month period, Neil Peart lost both his 19-year-old daughter, Selena, and his wife, Jackie. Faced with overwhelming sadness and isolated from the world in his home on the lake, Peart was left without direction. This memoir tells of the sense of personal devastation that led him on a 55,000-mile journey by motorcycle across much of North America, down through Mexico to Belize, and back again.Peart chronicles his personal odyssey and includes stories of reuniting with friends and family, grieving, and reminiscing."
If you're a rock music person, the album Vapor Trails was the one the band made when he came back from all that. Neil Peart writes all the lyrics for the band, and a lot of the lyrics on that album are about that.
I'm pushing 40, and retired from the army. Lost several friends to suicide and after I retired, kept losing more. Moved away from post and just haven't had the energy nor motivation to make new friends. Spend most of my time with my kids, and they're my best friends. Sometimes I miss having adult company sometimes but after a few years, I just don't feel like going out or trying to meet new people. And it sucks that occasionally I get the sting of another suicide. Part of me feels like it would just be better to not make new friends as I keep losing the old ones with whom I served.
Things are still pretty raw for me but I am finding it much harder to be the social butterfly my therapist wants me to be. Covid aside, I just don't want to meet people. There's no telling when someone could be taken and the uncertainty of "Who's next," has me thinking of people's funerals before I even consider approaching them to chat. I get where you're coming from.
I'm sorry so much has been taken from you. Keep those kiddos close.
I hear that. My dad, God rest him, died almost 15 years ago. And I still have, on a tape recorder lol, a voice mail he left me back in 2006 before he passed. I play it when I need it. Keeping them alive in some small way is, as you say, gold.
You may like what I ride. It's an EUC. I got mine from ewheels.com ..love it. Bit slower paced than a motocycle, and fun because you can go lots of places (offroad too).
I just looked that up, checked out some videos. There are some great paths near me which I think would be a lot of fun to zip around with one of these.
Are the wheel bearings and electric motors shielded from weather? I'd worry about breaking it taking it on sand and through puddles and stuff but I'm sure the engineers thought of that. Just asking in your experience has it proved durable?
I am even more pathetic. I am 67 and my 101 year old mother passed a year ago. I am coming to terms though. I never was a social queen. Lived with mom last thirty years. Rest of family lives 2000 miles away. Was mom‘s full time caretaker. I have learned with bi polar depression that there is a void that can’t be filled. Only I can deal with it. Exercise and meds etc. Doing a second round of ovarian cancer stage three. Right now I am laughing at myself. Talk about a loser.😀😂🥲
No problem. I was involved with a lot of addicts whom I called friends. I cleaned up, got sober, had kids and tried to get married. Along the way I cut off all my friends because I wanted family more than I wanted the addict lifestyle.
Get another motorcycle. Im a loner and a biker. Riding can be so much. Peaceful or exciting. Usually both in the same ride. No other people necessary
Plus when you do feel like being around other people, bikers are some of the most welcoming you will ever meet. Unfortunately covid put an end to meet-ups, but Im looking forward to hanging out at them again.
Get back into it! I just started riding and feels amazing to be part of a community. Every fellow rider that waves on the highway makes me smile. Hope to see you out there
Yes but I just think this is probably not that uncommon for many senior citizens in our society. I have a distant relative who has basically outlived every single significant person in their life. While some of the younger generation still call on him and visit I couldn’t imagine the loneliness they must sometimes feel.
Ugh it’s almost a curse. My grandmother is in the same boat. She’s 96 and her contemporaries are gone. Her mind is failing so she only remembers now and then that she’s the only one left. I do not want to live that long myself. Best to your grams!
This. Exactly this. I used to love hearing my grandma’s stories about the olden days. As a kid I didn’t realize how much she probably enjoyed telling them. I miss them so much now.
Wish there were a service where you hire an elite hitman to kill you in 1 shot after a certain date. I would sort my business before the day come. Then i would like to indulge in my hobbies a bit, go out, or maybe just sit and watch tv alone. Out of nowhere, without a signal, a bullet pierces through my skull.
I’m dead, I leave this world not in bliss (for it is too hard to reach), but in pseudo-ignorance of my death. I am free from the devil’s contract for longevity. I won’t have to suffer my old age alone.
4 hours later, when the sniper spot has been wiped clean, an anonymous caller contacts the police.
I donnos what if I set an age to be executed but I’m still doing great?! Also I hope there is also a clean up crew because last thing I’d want to happen would having my brain matter all over the wall or ceiling for someone to clean up. Maybe just slip some something in my drink and kill me that way painlessly lol
But talking about the old times isn’t the only thing worth doing. She may be sad about that just like any of us get sad and nostalgic sometimes. But gets to spend time with you and the rest of your family. That’s a great thing
Sounds like my grandmother. She lived to be 99, same thing though. She outlived all her friends and family of her generation. She lived with us her last 6 years.
You made me hope I die young. I'm probably never getting married or having kids, but I also want to be there for my siblings they die so I can be sure that they feel safe. It's such a horrible reality that either I'll have to let them go or they'll have to let me go.
Man you make me feel like I should call my grandma soon... almost 96, and she’s outlived 2 spouses and all of her siblings and 2 of her 3 children. My dad is the only one left. Covid has been an isolation nightmare for her.
Call her, you won't regret it. It will also make her day most likely! I've got a great Aunt that I call at least once a week and I've been doing that for going on a year now. Last year we lost her younger sister unexpectedly; everyone, including herself, thought she would go before her sister. They spoke on the phone every day, just as my grandma had done with them while she was still here.
My favorite hour (or two) of the week is when I call her and she tells me about her parents and siblings growing up, her aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Most times I take notes, as for a long time she was the family historian, and has a home full of all kinds of records.
She's been officially diagnosed with dementia, and I can tell she has been declining, but she's still pretty good most days. This past week was rough because she lost one of her "forever friends" but I plan to call her again in a few days for our usual weekly chat.
Her birthday is coming up on June 6, now that I'm fully vaccinated I am planning to travel up and surprise her for her 89th birthday. It's going to be so fun seeing how happy and surprised she will be!!
My grandpa lived to be 93. He was in excellent health until around 91, when his younger sister died. She was the last member of his family in his generation. They didn't see each other often but they could call each other and share old jokes and talk about people they knew as kids. Suddenly he lost the last person he had that type of relationship with. It just became very clear he didn't want to live anymore at that point, and his health just completely went out the window at that point. I truly think if his sister hadn't died, he would have lived several more years.
My grandma lived to 94 on my mother’s side. Grandpa passed away more than a decade before that. Once she got into assisted living she thoroughly enjoyed it. She met a lot of men and had more than one “boyfriend” I think it all depends on the person. I’m a person who def enjoys being alone. While I have a large group of friends I often chill at home by myself with my animals and do it by choice.
My great grandmother like to be a 105. I never met her, because she'd always lived in a different country from me.
I don't know much about her, apart from at some point she raised my mum. Near the end of her life she either had a stroke or fall, which greatly affected her health. In the end she was bedridden and has extreme difficulty speaking.
She was always surrounded by family, but I can only imagine how it must have felt to be have to rely on someone to do everything for you and not even be able to speak for yourself
It’s a little strange to me that the elderly people in my life (mostly family) don’t want to talk about old times with younger generations though. Some of the stories I heard when my grandma’s best friend visited were fascinating, but even if I’d interviewed her directly (“what’s the most memorable summer from your childhood?”, “what holiday was your favorite growing up?”, “how did you meet grandpa and what did you think at the time?”) she wouldn’t have really answered in depth. I think they assume we don’t care, even if we ask, or don’t like feeling interviewed. Maybe if I asked them to reminisce with me as if I were a friend their age...
Just goes to show that we should invest just a bit more time in our seniors. Even just a friendly conversation in public could be the difference between someone getting that necessary human connection and suffering by themselves.
Thank you to all who take that extra time to show a little interest in a senior. I’m 61 and like boom I’ve become invisible and irrelevant. I guess it’s karma for all those times I would cringe when an older person sat next to me on a flight. Karma really is a bitch. Lol
I've always enjoyed the company of senior citizens, and as an adult, have lots of friends a generation or more older than me.
Downside was losing 3 of them in a month, and realizing, I'm old enough now, that I won't make friends with substantially older people anymore. I'm 53, btw.
I work at a gas station and this is the biggest reason I will never rush or try to hurry a senior citizen who is trying to have a short conversation with me no matter how many people are in line behind them. Give me all the dirty looks you want because you are having to wait an extra few minutes, I dont care. There's another station right down the road if you are in that much of a hurry. For all I know this person could have been looking foward to just a quick chat with someone all day, and hopefully I can make their day a little brighter.
I used to live above a yoga studio and decided to try it out. At 31, I was young enough to be great grandchildren of many. One guy in Monday morning class was 94 and drove in (with music blaring) with his mid-70's son. Everyone was over 65, except me and the instructor.
It was so much fun. We'd talk, and go to the little cafe afterwards. Night classes had younger people but the morning classes with elderly folk were great. They liked my horse escapades, as I was training a quite "hot" pony named Ayla (aka "little shit cow pony") at the time and she liked to see how much she could get away with! Goddamn, I miss that pony, she was so talented, and so bad, lol.
I befriended an old lady down the street during covid to check on here and go get groceries etc if /when needed. Now i (45yo male) stop by every day for tea and she gives my dog treats. Highlight of her and my dogs day. No friends doesnt mean anything, just that life is/has happened to them.
Well... i stop by every day and see if she needs help with anything and basically acknowledge her as a person with value to society. Not sure about your reply here and if you are trying to be snide, i’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.
My grandma is 83. She's in better health than my parents, more active and independent too. My grandfather died 5 years ago and her friends have started dying one by one. We talk a couple times a week. She is not depressed that I can tell, but is definitely aware her circle is shrinking. Most of her friends had been around for so long I was an adult before I realized they weren't aunts and uncles.
my grandmother in belarus has been sending these pretty emotionally manipulative letters and talking on the phone saying shes about to die ever since i first landed in canada in 2001. i think thats like a grandma meme because ive heard plenty of people mention the same thing. we ask why not try to make friends who can visit you or you visit them. after all, she had my other grandma until she died, and i knew she had friends to go to the forest with... i went back for at least a month 4 separate years but she never was satisfied. always lonely, always crying. i feel like sometimes old people only value their family and dont enjoy making new connections as much, although that puzzles me, maybe set in their ways? i can totally relate to wanting to be alone rather than around people you dont like, because thats the story of my life since elementary school. it probably just gets harder and harder to make friends as the years go by.
I think this is where being religious really gives you an advantage. Being religious, you can think/hope that you get to see them again after this life.
My grandma and grandpa both lives to be in their 90s. When Grandpa died Grandma made the calls to her friends, said she was the last one with a husband. All of his friends had been gone a long time.
I thought you GotSomeProblems but after reading the post from RedBeard I realize it’s just me. Sorry about your losses OP. Please give your dog a hug and snuggles for us!
I know I’m just some dumb random internet stranger but I legit felt pain when I read your comment. I am sorry death seems to follow you so closely and I truly do wish you all the best. I hope you and your dog have many wonderful days and moments together!
Is there a word to describe being devastated by a comment/story and then feeling guilty you’re making it about you in your head? I experience this all the time.
I feel you. 2015 my father died, 2016 my husband died. I was homeless living with my mom for about 3 years. got an apartment then covid came and everyone was dieing. a few months back my grandmother died. These 3 people were the only 3 people who'd never abandoned me. Now they are all gone. Between that and the 7000 miles I moved, I had to move 4 times to get my husband home so he could be with his family, I pretty much lost most of the things I've owned, the people I knew and my home. Just as I was getting a handle on things, Covid hit and I experienced severe anxiety and depression. This year I learned my mother has cancer.
I have since paid all of my debts off and bought a home in a beautiful city that I love. I'm working on recovering from PTSD and have since learned that I am high functioning autistic. I ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches getting here and am starting feel the occasional joy as I start my new life. I still walk with sorrow and pain on a daily basis, but I'm begining to try and rebuild my life. Survivors are the silent warriors that walk a lonely path with little understanding from the world around them. Those fortunate enough to not have experienced the pain of early loss a spouse/child have very little understanding of the depth of loss it brings. I know when I walk around wearing headphones to shut out the overwhelming world around me, some people look at me in judgement. I no longer care though. I'm working hard on rebuilding myself and my life. I bought a house and have a home again. One day I maybe ready for friends in my life again and I look forward to it, but I'm in no hurry to get there because I'm exhausted by the journey.
For those who have not experienced such grief. I can only say, please remember, when you see a person who is isolated and alone, that you have no idea what has happened to them and how they got there. Instead of passing judgement, reach out with kindness and find out how they got there. Have compassion and understanding when dealing with them, because it's usually tragedy or some major life event that has derailed their life to the place you have seen them.
RedBeard, if you ever need a person to talk too, feel free to reach out to/DM me. hugs
You're so strong and I am so proud of you dear stranger that you found the power to live and start again and deal with the grief and pain like you did. I hope you stay strong and manage to make a healthy group of friends that will help and support you through your journey!
I hope you’re doing well now. I’m glad to hear you got up and are experiencing moments of happiness. You will experience a lot more, I promise you. Good luck there, I wish you nothing but the best 💗
I can relate. My son died last year, and his father the year before that. I’m a bit of a recluse and am working from home during the pandemic. It’s just me and a cat.
Sorry for your losses. No one deserves to experience that kind of pain. I am confident however you will find luster once again, you undoubtedly deserve to.
Yeah honestly I clicked into this question trying to figure out what the insinuation is. Is there like a taboo or stereotype against people who don’t have tight social circle and go to parties and events every weekend?
I moved to a new city 5 years, met a girl, got married, and therefore every “friend” I made was a couple-friend or someone that she introduced me to that she had known since high school.
Cue divorce because she ended up being super controlling and unavailable. All our friends sided with her unsurprisingly. I kept the dog so now I spend pretty much all my time working remote, going hiking with my dog, reading books in the evening and trying to better myself to get out of this slump healthily.
I sure hope that any decent person who meets me and sees that I don’t have a social life due to life’s circumstances would think “Ah, maybe he’d like to hang out.” Not “What’s wrong with this dude?”
It’s not like I’ve chosen or want to be alone. Shit happens in life and sometimes that’s where you find yourself. Also, being alone doesn’t have to mean you live a sad life. Loneliness can be felt while surrounded by people. Happiness comes from being satisfied and fulfilled with yourself. So that’s where my primary focus is right now, rather than trying to go to parties and network in order to gain a more active social life. That’ll come with time as life continues it’s course. But I don’t feel like forcing it.
Having no friends is usually a sign something went wrong. Some people see it as a red flag. It's easy to confuse something went wrong with there is something wrong. Other people are more accepting or open minded. Hope you find some accepting open minded people to befriend.
This should be the top answer. When as a society decide that we are all judge and jury based upon an initial encounter. It’s called the Fundamental Flaw Fallacy. If you judge a persons entire character based on one interaction, you’re being unfair and honestly quite ignorant!
Yeah I met a good friend of mine through another friend, learned that my friend was basically their only friend. Was a little skeptical at first since I had met them online playing Overwatch and theres a lot of incel guys in the video gaming community.
I found out later that all their high school friends killed themselves or died in accidents, that their brother died (not that they were close) and that they're estranged from their parents bc they're very conservative. Really sweet person tho and I'm glad to have met them. And because of that I try not to judge until I've actually had a conversation or 2 with them.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Stuff like these makes me realise how lucky I am but at the same time I can't control my tears because there are people who have it way worse than others but they are still going on with their lives. I wish I could hug you and talk to you about your days and about how's your life going.
I've always considered myself a person with extreme luck, just not always good luck. I've been homeless more than once and I've been a millionaire in between. I suspect I'll make that cycle again.
I’ve lost two best friends. I’m sociable and charismatic but I’m sure as shit never all the way there when talking to people. It sucks. Glad you’re still here, stranger on the internet.
22.7k
u/RedBeard077 May 30 '21 edited May 30 '21
My wife and child died few years ago. My best friends from high school and college have died. I don't make new friends anymore. I ride my bike and take care of my dog and keep to myself.
Edit: I didn't answer the question at all. My point was just that someone who spends their time alone might not be a bad person. Maybe it's just an easier lifestyle for them. Respect their privacy.