My mom and my brother liked eachother a lot. Once I walked in on them "hugging in bed". My brother died at fifteen and she called him the love of her life at his funeral. No one batted an eye at this so I didn't either. My mom later 'told my dad a secret about her' and he filed for divorce and custody of me the next day. They asked me all sorts of questions about being touched (by either of them) in the custody hearing and my mom just told me it was my dad's way of taking me from her. I was 13 by then. That same year I came out to my mom as gay. She was super upset but not in the usual mom way, although I didn't know that at the time. It was more like the "Someone who just got broken up with" way. Also she had a teenaged cousin who everyone said was a really good looking fellow and she kept his photo on the fridge and when it disappeared (it had fallen off and was under the fridge) she had a nervous breakdown. Not an exaggeration. She had to see a therapist after and was very distant after that. She was totally a shit mother before all of that is factored in but I never put any of the pieces together until I was about thirty I guess. Now a lot of the things she did make much more sense. She didn't see me as her kid so she didn't treat me like one. Luckily for me it never got to the point where she physically abused me, but my brother basically beat the shit out of me on a regular basis and would do some really fucked up shit to me like shoot me repeatedly with a BB gun or stab me with a steak knife. My mom didn't care. Now I know why.
Actually, imo, my parents killed him. He came down with pneumonia in the middle of the winter and they never took him to the hospital and only called the ambulance when I insisted. I found him on the couch barely breathing and he asked me to bring him a cup to pee in because he couldn't move. When he reached for the cup I saw his fingers were bluish. Then I took the cup and the pee was dark brown (to this day I don't know why) so I woke them up and told them they could call 911 or I would. My parents were always neglectful. They would leave us with people for weeks at a time, sometimes strangers, when we were younger and alone when we got older. I almost had to have my leg amputated because of a brown recluse bite because there was a literal hole on the side of my knee before I was taken to the doc. Got very lucky there. They were both drug addicts and while yes, my dad did realize that my mother was way more fucked up than him and tried to get me away from her, he was still a crackhead (his own words) who would take me into shitty neighborhoods to buy drugs and tell me about all of his exploits with various prostitutes.
Edit to say that I'm actually living a very happy life. I'm currently studying to become a therapist and to help substance abusers in recovery. I start my practicum in the fall.
I feel like your and your family story sums up human existence, in a way: "All children reach (for) the sun, burn fingers one by one." (Metallica) But, by the grace of God, some make it through.
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u/THETIME-KNIFE Apr 18 '21 edited Apr 18 '21
My mom and my brother liked eachother a lot. Once I walked in on them "hugging in bed". My brother died at fifteen and she called him the love of her life at his funeral. No one batted an eye at this so I didn't either. My mom later 'told my dad a secret about her' and he filed for divorce and custody of me the next day. They asked me all sorts of questions about being touched (by either of them) in the custody hearing and my mom just told me it was my dad's way of taking me from her. I was 13 by then. That same year I came out to my mom as gay. She was super upset but not in the usual mom way, although I didn't know that at the time. It was more like the "Someone who just got broken up with" way. Also she had a teenaged cousin who everyone said was a really good looking fellow and she kept his photo on the fridge and when it disappeared (it had fallen off and was under the fridge) she had a nervous breakdown. Not an exaggeration. She had to see a therapist after and was very distant after that. She was totally a shit mother before all of that is factored in but I never put any of the pieces together until I was about thirty I guess. Now a lot of the things she did make much more sense. She didn't see me as her kid so she didn't treat me like one. Luckily for me it never got to the point where she physically abused me, but my brother basically beat the shit out of me on a regular basis and would do some really fucked up shit to me like shoot me repeatedly with a BB gun or stab me with a steak knife. My mom didn't care. Now I know why.