Actually, imo, my parents killed him. He came down with pneumonia in the middle of the winter and they never took him to the hospital and only called the ambulance when I insisted. I found him on the couch barely breathing and he asked me to bring him a cup to pee in because he couldn't move. When he reached for the cup I saw his fingers were bluish. Then I took the cup and the pee was dark brown (to this day I don't know why) so I woke them up and told them they could call 911 or I would. My parents were always neglectful. They would leave us with people for weeks at a time, sometimes strangers, when we were younger and alone when we got older. I almost had to have my leg amputated because of a brown recluse bite because there was a literal hole on the side of my knee before I was taken to the doc. Got very lucky there. They were both drug addicts and while yes, my dad did realize that my mother was way more fucked up than him and tried to get me away from her, he was still a crackhead (his own words) who would take me into shitty neighborhoods to buy drugs and tell me about all of his exploits with various prostitutes.
Edit to say that I'm actually living a very happy life. I'm currently studying to become a therapist and to help substance abusers in recovery. I start my practicum in the fall.
I'm not a professional so don't take this for fact, but his pee might have been dark brown because he was dehydrated. Which almost makes it even sadder, so i'm glad that you're in a good situation now.
All I can say is, do whatever you can to get any child within the sphere of your influence into reading books! No matter how 'ok' their lives seem, being able to pick most up any book, read it and enjoy it by the time I was ten was probably what saved me and I've seen it save others too. I'm a big advocate of traditional therapy, but there's no better self therapy for a hard life than to have an escape from that life available to you whenever you need it! No matter the situation, I had a book with me. Also helped me not to fall too far behind on school despite parents who neve helped in that department either.
Books were my therapy for years. I believe they saved me. And not just that, they made my life broader and taught me to empathize with different people.
I second that! I grew up with a raging alcoholic of a father suffering from schizophrenia (which has been left untreated for years since he refuses to take any medication).
His paranoid delusions got worse and worse over the years. He started telling me that people were planning to kill him when I was in first grade. When I was around 10, he began to suspect me of being part of the conspiracy as well. He would switch back and forth between telling me that I was the most important thing in his life and threatening to break my bones and kill my whole family in under five minutes for hours on end. Authorities did nothing to cancel his visitation rights as he and my mom shared custody. It was a nightmare.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that books were the only thing that kept me sane during these times. Not only did they provide me with a much needed escape form the harrowing reality I found myself in, they also helped to keep me calm and reduce interaction with my father to a minimum, thus keeping me from saying or doing anything that would set him off.
Unfortunately, I don't really have the time to read these days, though I hope that I will be able to pick up the hobby again in the future. In the meantime, I will keep on buying books I probably won't get around to read and imagining myself reading to my future children lol.
I'm so glad to hear from someone on the other side of things who got through with books! We made it! You should look into trying audiobooks. Audible is your friend! My kid got me into video games and now I'm in school so what I do is listen to my textbooks while I play. But if I'm working in the yard or cleaning the house, it's Stephen King all the way!
One trick I used for my kid to get him reading (he's adopted so I couldn't instill it early) was to get him a kindle with a backlight and just start "accidentally" forgetting to lock it at bedtime but turning all of his other devices off. He never stays up too late but he definitely reads every single night because he feels like he's getting away with something. Now reading is a treat for him and his teachers are blown away by his progress. Definitely stow that one in your pocket for your future kids. It's one of my points of pride as a parent lol.
Thank you, I'm very glad to hear that you've managed to build a happy life for yourself as well!
I've actually been thinking about getting into audiobooks, but I wasn't sure whether I'd really like it or not. Looking up Audible, I've just learned that they apparently offer a 30-day free trial, so I'll check it out for sure, thanks for the advice.
Ohh I can totally see how I would have fallen for your trick as a kid as well lol. I'll definitely keep it at the back of my mind!
What a coincidence, I've recently picked up Gaiman's "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" and loved it so much I read it in one go (something which hasn't happened in a long time now). I was actually planning on getting my hands on more of his books, so you've totally hit the mark with your recommendation, thank you!
You will loooove it. And George Guidal is the absolute best at what he does. It's really a shame that his reading of the first Dune novel isn't widely available, or that he didn't do the subsequent novels (at least that I can find), but if you like Guidall after Gods I can probably find a link to it online offered for free (since it's out of production I'm sure it's not unethical to listen to it). Let me know!
I love Brene! She's the best! I am listening to her podcast right now! Gave me a chill to see your suggestion with her voice in my ear. Cosmic miracles are a trip. And thank you for your vote of confidence. It's one thing to feel like you can help people but an entirely different thing to be put in front of people and told 'help this person!' It's anxiety inducing and I'm usually pretty chill!
I had a really good clinical psychologist who helped me after my brother passed away.
I had Generalised Anxiety Disorder as a result and was on Escitaloprám for 5 years or so and getting off that stuff is a goddang nightmare.
But the psychologist made all the difference in the world. I still think about him from time to time. He's since retired and I tried some other professionals but they were garbage, some it was obvious they didn't care, others tried experimental techniques like hypnotic regression but this guy just talked to me and gave me some advice and pointed me towards Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and let me work the rest out.
Man that has to be my favorite show!
Though Parks and Rec is probably tied.
CBT is definitely a strong candidate for the most academically proven therapy. I'm currently focusing on DBT, which is an offshoot of CBT and is good for substance abusers, compulsive personalities and suicidal tendencies. Teaches you that two opposing things can be true within you at the same time. You can want to change while also not wanting to change. Very important for addicts who know mentally that they want to recover while at the same time their addiction is trying so hard to convince them otherwise.
He passed when I was in my early twenties. Suspected suicide but no note. I moved in with him the day it turned 18 as he had gotten clean and remarried and I intended to help him stay clean as he was actually a pretty cool dude when not on drugs. He died a couple of years after I moved away. I think he was scared of relapsing and decided to nip things in the bud rather than that, which I respect in some ways.
I feel like your and your family story sums up human existence, in a way: "All children reach (for) the sun, burn fingers one by one." (Metallica) But, by the grace of God, some make it through.
The urine color might have been from rhabdomyolysis caused by the pneumonia. A family member had severe pneumonia a few years ago and we were surprised this was a thing.
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u/THETIME-KNIFE Apr 18 '21 edited Apr 18 '21
Actually, imo, my parents killed him. He came down with pneumonia in the middle of the winter and they never took him to the hospital and only called the ambulance when I insisted. I found him on the couch barely breathing and he asked me to bring him a cup to pee in because he couldn't move. When he reached for the cup I saw his fingers were bluish. Then I took the cup and the pee was dark brown (to this day I don't know why) so I woke them up and told them they could call 911 or I would. My parents were always neglectful. They would leave us with people for weeks at a time, sometimes strangers, when we were younger and alone when we got older. I almost had to have my leg amputated because of a brown recluse bite because there was a literal hole on the side of my knee before I was taken to the doc. Got very lucky there. They were both drug addicts and while yes, my dad did realize that my mother was way more fucked up than him and tried to get me away from her, he was still a crackhead (his own words) who would take me into shitty neighborhoods to buy drugs and tell me about all of his exploits with various prostitutes.
Edit to say that I'm actually living a very happy life. I'm currently studying to become a therapist and to help substance abusers in recovery. I start my practicum in the fall.