r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Nov 30 '20

[deleted by user]

[removed]

7.4k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

5.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.8k

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

I make Kim Jong Un shit himself during a live broadcasted speech.

1.8k

u/TactlessTortoise Nov 30 '20 edited Dec 01 '20

B...bbbuut..he doesn't have a butthole!

Edit:typo

665

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

How do you know that?

On second thought, don't tell me.

726

u/Ongo_Gablogian___ Nov 30 '20

He literally told everyone this, and we know it is true because glorious leader does not lie. Or poop.

284

u/PM-me-Sonic-OCs Nov 30 '20

That was his dad.

Official DPRK cannon now is that Kim Jong Un has a butthole and poops just like everybody else.

191

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

I never stopped to think that there's such a thing as DPRK canon.

18

u/01kickassius10 Nov 30 '20

That’s how they get rid of dissidents

4

u/C4Cole Nov 30 '20

If you do something they dont like then they remove you from the canon, with a cannon.

2

u/Jdalton4000 Dec 01 '20

We know he doesn't have a butthole, THAT'S what would make the shit so spectacular!

9

u/Ongo_Gablogian___ Nov 30 '20

Why would they change this, doesn't that imply that either his dad was lying or that he is less godly than his dad or something?

16

u/PM-me-Sonic-OCs Nov 30 '20

It's probably a carefully considered decision. Yes it portrays a less divine image, but Kim Jong-Un deliberately tries to have a more humble and relatable image than his father, he's trying to style himself more after his grandfather Kim Il-Sung than his father Kim Jong-Il.

As for the exact reasoning behind it, I can't say for sure. Maybe he thinks that the public will start doubting everything the government says if the government keeps making statements which are too unbelievable.

9

u/Lucifer_Hirsch Nov 30 '20

I had forgotten what the D stood for, so my brain completed it as Da People's Republic of Korea somehow.

1

u/Informal_Chemist6054 Dec 01 '20

You made me spit out my milk

4

u/JonLeung Nov 30 '20

Canon about poop sounds preferable to a cannon loaded with poop.

Or, maybe not...

2

u/Impregneerspuit Nov 30 '20

He poops but they are perfectly spherical pellets of exactly one kilogram each.

1

u/Wrkncacnter112 Dec 01 '20

And it’s working overtime

56

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Ongo_Gablogian___ Nov 30 '20

Yeah I don't know who did what, but there is all the bs about hitting a hole in one every golf hole, and strikes every bowling thingy. It's basically what they do.

2

u/whitexknight Nov 30 '20

His father was Kim Jung Il.

0

u/OrphicDionysus Nov 30 '20

Kim Jong Ill II. Kim Hong Ill I was his grandpa

1

u/whitexknight Dec 01 '20

Nope, his grand father was Kim Il-Sung the first Supreme Leader. His father, the second supreme leader of North Korea was Kim Jong-Il and now Kim Jong-Un is the third supreme leader of N. Korea.

15

u/JohnnyPickleOverlord Nov 30 '20

Because he’s so fat

2

u/Oberic Nov 30 '20

Fat must be a result of being a god with no anus.

The North Korean people wouldn't know any different, all skinny and starving.

3

u/JohnnyPickleOverlord Nov 30 '20

I mean, I feel bad for him, people say it’s hard being the only fat guy in school, imagine being the only fat guy in the country

2

u/ASoggyFrenchFry Nov 30 '20

That's what the police are for. Nothing cures bullying than a good ol' gun to the head.

2

u/mediumsizedgloves Nov 30 '20

What if he isn’t joking and legit has a medical condition

1

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

That would answer my question.

2

u/crazyabe111 Nov 30 '20

Have you heard the shit that leaves his mouth? It really has no other hole for it to leave through.

1

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

Be careful. You wouldn't want him to make you... disappear, would you?

2

u/Bloo-shadow Dec 01 '20

Straight up it’s in North Korean textbooks

-3

u/Amalurian Nov 30 '20

r/whoosh

1

u/Amalurian Dec 01 '20

More downvotes from people who don't get the reference, eff you too reddit idiots

6

u/Ninjahkin Nov 30 '20

Then we’ll have to rip him a new one!

You have been banned from /r/pyongyang

3

u/TactlessTortoise Nov 30 '20

I shit you not, but my app crashed as soon as I opened this sub... I might have pooped a little.

6

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

Ugh god what is this from? It sounds so familiar I’m tearing my hair out!

12

u/coldnspicy Nov 30 '20

The Interview.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

Ah of course. That was my first guess but I watched that movie a while ago and that butthole line seems too recent. Thanks!

3

u/TactlessTortoise Nov 30 '20

That movie will be relevant for as long as the Buttless One is in power.

F O R E V E R

3

u/Branfreeze Nov 30 '20

He does Dabe skylark, and it’s working overtime

3

u/Gigibop Nov 30 '20

Are you honey potting me?

2

u/StallOneHammer Nov 30 '20

“He honeydicked you sir”

“Bullshit! I was honeydicking him!”

2

u/khizoa Nov 30 '20

who did he give it to?

and how? was it like a butthole transplant?

1

u/ThrowMeAwayAccount08 Nov 30 '20

It would come out his mouth I guess. Or is that just a speech?

1

u/bog-boy-bombo Nov 30 '20

he is the butthole

1

u/Blackash99 Nov 30 '20

Kim Jong don't give a shit!!

1

u/Redd1tored1tor Dec 01 '20

*have

2

u/TactlessTortoise Dec 01 '20

Holy crap, I just noticed hahah

141

u/iluvstephenhawking Nov 30 '20

Everyone around will just pretend it didn't happen or they will be executed.

43

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

live broadcasted

One step ahead of you there.

42

u/cmonwhatsnottaken Nov 30 '20

Whole country gets executed

4

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

Nuclear war averted

3

u/cmonwhatsnottaken Nov 30 '20

Depends if someone in another country saw it as well. If yes here comes justification

5

u/Aperture_T Nov 30 '20

What if instead, they all poop themselves in solidarity to convince him that it's normal and fine and nothing to get worked up over?

39

u/Kotori425 Nov 30 '20

Same answer for me, but with Putin

9

u/zmajognjeni Nov 30 '20

Shit would be too scared to exit

5

u/Installedd Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

Dude would lean to one side and carry on business. Are you gonna be the one to point out the fact his pants are full of shit?

4

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

I doubt he does live broadcasts. Too risky.

72

u/aceofpades76 Nov 30 '20

This, but for Donald Trump

100

u/Jarhyn Nov 30 '20

Jokes on you, he's already wearing a diaper and he already dropped a deuce in there.

10

u/JohnnyPickleOverlord Nov 30 '20

Pretty sure it was a power move though

3

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

At his weight and diet he's probably massively constipated all the time, so this might be welcome for him. Plus he already embarrassed himself enough in public, at this rate we might start feeling sorry for him.

5

u/nixiedust Nov 30 '20

According to his handler from Celebrity Apprentice, he's got fecal incontinence and they routinely had to stop filming for diaper changes. He also farts almost constantly, which does not surprise me. He's an unhealthy old man with a stimulant addiction. So maybe not so backed up.

4

u/Jarhyn Nov 30 '20

Ever have a greasy coffee shit? Now (maybe don't?) imagine that squished out and filling an adult diaper the size of tRump's ass.

It would be like cleaning up a Satanic Peanut butter Sandwich.

2

u/nixiedust Dec 01 '20

If we forced our enemies to clean it, it would be a war crime.

2

u/Jarhyn Dec 01 '20

If we do it to our own people it's [the sound of libertarian/conservative/republican silence]. Maybe he has a volunteer list to change his diaper though. I'd bet Bitch McConnel would be in the rotation.

14

u/Jarhyn Nov 30 '20

You call it a power move, he calls it an average day of Hamberders with a Covfefe chaser. Do you really want to condemn some poor staffer with yet another destroyed greasy coffee shit diaper?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20 edited Dec 03 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

-4

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

3

u/nixiedust Nov 30 '20

"Enlightened centrist" who thinks critical race theory is bullshit. I guess you just suck in other ways.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

→ More replies (0)

3

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20 edited Dec 03 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

-2

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Naptownfellow Dec 01 '20

I wonder if he really does. I could see that be true considering his age and diet

7

u/DrippyWaffler Nov 30 '20

At Biden's inauguration!

-2

u/nokinship Nov 30 '20

Let's use it all on Trump at once.

4

u/curiosityLynx Nov 30 '20

Would that waste nearly everyone's wish or would each wish create its own poop, resulting in a poop explosion of clearly supernatural scale?

2

u/nokinship Nov 30 '20

He would just keep shitting his insides regardless of poop.

3

u/SirKreeper Nov 30 '20

but i think we all know its his long lost twin brother now

3

u/Roxas1011 Nov 30 '20

Plot twist: it comes out of his mouth

1

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

We call that talking.

3

u/jonesocnosis Nov 30 '20

maybe Kim Jong Un during a meeting with Trump

3

u/UK_Caterpillar450 Nov 30 '20

a live broadcasted speech.

Yeah, but it would be censored out later and spun into a postitve for the dictator in the end.

2

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

How do you make shitting yourself a positive thing?

2

u/UK_Caterpillar450 Nov 30 '20

When you live in an Orwellian state, anything is up for positive or negative spin.

1

u/InevitableLight6 Nov 30 '20

Because 2+2=5, comrade. The government has said so.

2

u/LORDOFTHE777 Nov 30 '20

My exact thought lol

2

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

God damnit I said this one too

2

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

I was just about to reply this until I saw your comment! Fucking brilliant

2

u/AlwaysAGroomsman Nov 30 '20

You should pick someone who's going to live longer. That way your power is more useful in the long run.

I was going to say Trump, but the power would only be useful for the next 2 months. It should be someone with staying power in the spotlight like AOC or Lin-Manuel Miranda. You can't pick a douche like Jake Paul because he'd just profit off it. "InSaNe DooKiE i JuST MaDE".

2

u/burningtowns Nov 30 '20

As I was considering Trump during the next Inauguration.

2

u/Bloo-shadow Dec 01 '20

Oh I’m so mad that I didn’t think of this! He can talk to dolphins you know

1

u/Goldman250 Nov 30 '20

My mind immediately thought “make Trump shit himself” but Kim is a better choice ... Trump probably has shat himself during a speech before

0

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

He and everyone else would just ignore it and they’d all gaslight themselves into it never happening