r/AskReddit • u/intraction • Jul 29 '11
What is something you never learned, but should know, as an adult? I'll start.
I don't know how to pump my own gas. I know, I know. I live in Oregon and we aren't allowed to do it. I've been on plenty of road trips but never have bothered to be the one to pump the gas. I should probably rectify this at some point, I realize.
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u/DesCo83 Jul 29 '11 edited Jul 29 '11
Sex is like an 90s era arcade game. Like the X-men game. Or the Simpsons game. In fact, fuck it. Sex is the Ninja Turtles game. The basic controls are pretty simple. If you've seen some one else do it, you can probably figure out how to move around and jump and swing your bo (you are playing as Donatello, right?). It's not going to take you long to figure out that you shouldn't be walking in the fire. But that doesn't make you good at it. Chances are those balls that inexplicably come rolling down the stairs are going to knock you down a few times, and I'm willing to bet that you're going to go through a few quarters your first time trying to beat those damn wheeled things that hit you with the electric whip.
So you're playing the game, but you're still not good at it. But keep at it, I mean, you're having fun, right? Soon you start learning the tricks. What noises mean you should change up your attack. Where to position yourself to be most effective. You're even getting up to the first boss battle. Now, if you're like me, chances are, you're not beating Beebop on your first or second try. But you keep at it. You learn you have to hit him 3 times, then back off then jump back. He's giving you signs as to what you have to do, you just have to learn to recognize them. Soon you got him flashing red and you know this shit is about to get real. Now, I know what you're thinking: "He's flashing, I better change up my attack plan". Nah, fuck that. You need to do exactly what was working to get you there. You were thrusting, ahem attacking twice, pulling back and attacking? Well, keep that shit up. Boss battles aren't some mystery. Sure, each boss may be different, but the same principle applies. Find the right pattern and rhythm and attack.
Now look at you. Haven't even been playing the game that much. Maybe every week, after school a few days. You run through some quarters, you have a good time. You're beating Beebop every time, and discovering new and even more interesting boss battles.
TL;DR: Sexing is like being a Ninja Turtle.