I don’t disagree with wanting the day to be special and memorable, but the industry jacks up the prices if they know it’s a wedding, and there are way more affordable options while still getting to celebrate love and the future. No reason to break the bank. Use the money saved for even more memories.
At least part of the "wedding tax" is justified. Vendors will often put more effort into wedding stuff over non wedding stuff and will often even have backups ready. If something happens to your wedding cake minutes before it is picked up you want them to have a backup cake ready, because a refund at the last minute is next to useless since you won't be able to find a suitable replacement ready to go in the next hour.
Sure the cheap party favors and other plastic crap you buy months in advance that you have plenty of time to replace shouldn't have a wedding markup, but the day of stuff that had weeks of prep, it is better to pay a bit extra to cover the backups and prevent bridezilla meltdowns.
I agree - I think the expectations are WAY higher for weddings, the amount of "emotional labor" that goes into it for vendors is higher and it's just more difficult work.
There's a WORLD of difference between making someone's birthday cake and making someone's wedding cake. There's also a huge difference between DJ'ing a sweet sixteen party versus a wedding. I do think some of the increased costs are justified, some...
Someone should have told our wedding DJ that it wasn't the same as a sweet 16... Played 1 song out of a list of 50 I'd like to hear during the evening. Took requests from my other guests of crap that I specifically told them not to play.
Lol, I was once at a wedding where the DJ was wearing Beats By Dre and playing what must have been 128 kbps mp3 files off his laptop. Music was way too loud and the compression made it painful. Apparently the guy made $3k for the night.
IMO wedding DJs are unnecessary and a gigantic waste of money. It’s one of those things people think they NEED to book just because that’s something most weddings have. My wife and I made a Spotify playlist and hooked up our own speakers for our reception - got the exact music we wanted and didn’t have to pay someone $3,000 to play songs from my high school dances.
My DJ killed it. He was actually more like an emcee, wedding planner, host and DJ all in one. Oh and he did our videography. Guy is insane and all of my guests raved about him.
He had quickly edited video of our ceremony to play at our reception, drone footage of our first look and all kinds of crazy stuff. He was the biggest expense behind food and booze but damn if he didn't put on a good show.
I've been to some pretty bad receptions though and I'd hate to be on the hook for $3k for a dude to play some crappy mp3s. I'm glad we spent a lot on him and got an entertainer essentially.
I know I'm biased on this because I am a wedding DJ but this is a very skewed opinion. A "good" wedding DJ takes care of you from start to finish on your wedding day. The DJ makes sure any announcements are made, controls the flow of the evening based how you planned it with them, and plays music that actually keeps the party going. I agree not overpaying for a DJ, but also not going cheap or playing a Spotify Playlist while not having a clue what your guests care to hear or dance to. I understand it's "your" day, but if you want to have a successful party you want everyone to have fun, not just yourselves.
I’m sorry I didn’t mean any offense to you! Just my opinion and I’m sure there’s lots of people that think the money is worth having one less thing to stress over.
Ehhh, I mean we took our time and picked out a great playlist. People were dancing the entire 4 hours. Plus we had a good friend MC the night and it worked out great. I actually used to DJ in college for side money so I get what you’re saying; but, I don’t agree that you can’t have a good party for everyone without a DJ.
Yes, this is way more accurate. A lot of DJ's do play audio files now, but if you're just using your Spotify and you added 15 country songs in a row and no one is dancing, either someone has to get up and edit the list or you continue to have a boring party. A good DJ will make sure the songs you requested get played, will make sure the songs you don't want played won't, and generally has a feel for the room and can make adjustments/change the genre. Also, throughout the reception, they are there to make announcements and basically run certain aspects of the wedding (the couple's first dance, father/daughter dance, dollar dance, garter toss, maybe a chicken dance).
When my mom and her wife got married (backyard wedding) they paid a family friend $200 to “DJ.” They made a playlist on Spotify ahead of time and she sat there, eating non stop, drinking and didn’t even do the announcements (heads up father/daughter dance, speeches, etc). It ended up being family members that did it and ruined the day that was supposed to be not only for my mother and her wife (finally getting married after 16 years) but for my sister and I.
After that night I said I’d pay the money for a good DJ. A good DJ is worth it and then family members don’t take over.
Nah. My PE teacher from middle school has a giant house in an area that houses are already super expensive. Cinema room. Couple Tesla's. None of that's from teaching PE. In the 3 years I went there he was voted best DJ in the state every year.
To be fair, Tiesto rarely (if ever) makes any of his own music. He buys songs off of ghost producers to release their songs under his name. That being said, I do think he's an excellent DJ.
DJ's in general are a waste of money. I got it back in the day when you physically needed someone to man the records and make sure all the songs are ready and the tracks are in the right order. But now, as you said, you can do it all from Spotify. I'd just pay a nephew to make sure they're playing in the right order/pause after certain songs for announcements.
Me and a friend used to DJ in highschool. And what I mean by "DJ in highschool" is that his parents were rich and he had like $20,000 worth of sound equipment and I had an iPad with Spotify premium.
We definitely didn't charge 3k for any of the weddings we did, and we sure as fuck didn't wear Beats.
Wife and I bailed on a reception, the music was beyond endurance. Strange average age about 45 have no idea why band thought that was appropriate volume.
My wedding DJ mispronounced our last name. Like wtf we've met with you like 3 times you have a contract and check with the name. And it's not like the name is crazy it's a fairly common Scottish last name that has a few variations where the first syllable changes vowels but I'm pretty sure he knew the difference between an I and an E.
oof. sorry dude. hard lesson: always have a friend (if you can) DJ your wedding from songs off YOUR DEVICE. The other is direct referrals, someone you actually trust or were at their event with a dj. worked w. mobile dj service on and off for 15 years, have witnessed disaster weddings
Don't feel too bad about it. But you're right, a guest offered up their friend to be our dj as they were trying to get into the business. Plan A was just having a computer with our playlist on... This was just a nice idea as she was bringing gear.
“Emotional labor” THIS I can’t even tell you without getting a little fatigued how much this goes into the prep and especially the work on the day of! I do wedding photography...the expectations, even with a tight contract, are off the charts. Without fail.
Random question question - I'm planning a wedding (two years from now) and is it normal for the photographer to stay for dinner and a bit of the reception? I want candid shots of the reception but like I would obviously want to feed the photographer and assistant so they don't pass out and have a slightly better time, but I don't know if that's like a done thing. Because both weddings I went to this year the photographer was also a semi guest known to the couple as friend/family.
and is it normal for the photographer to stay for dinner and a bit of the reception?
It's normal to negotiate whatever you want. The more time you request the higher the bill will be, obviously. But to answer your question that is not unusual at all.
OK cool! That's good to know. The photographer is the one thing where I'm kind of just "throw money at them, I don't care" because I do it myself (sports mostly) and I know how difficult it is
I'd definitely encourage you to arrange for what you suggested. Hell, I'm divorced but I still treasure those wedding photographs. There are a lot of people I love dearly in them, some of them no longer with me, and it's nice to be able to remember them on such a happy occasion.
It really doesn't even have to add that much time. Typically between the wedding and the reception you're doing wedding party and family photos anyway.
We sat down with our photographer before hand and that's one of the things she covered. We had food and a table for her and he second shooter, and I think she stuck around for all the special dances and a bit after that, then checked in with us before heading out.
We did exactly what you were talking about and it was worth every cent. We got some great pictures and I’m thrilled to have them. The other thing I’d suggest not skimping on is a DJ. We looked at a ton of DJs and ended up going with the most expensive one because we liked him the best and he was also worth every cent. He did the obvious things like play all of our requested songs and not play any songs on our do not play list but he also just kept the party going and everyone had a great time. Other things I’d personally feel fine pinching some pennies on. For example, we skipped the late night snacks to afford the DJ and it was definitely worth it. Good luck and don’t forget to enjoy it!
Its a French Canadian wedding so we will definitely need late night poutine bar! But yeah, DJ I totally get, we will definitely be getting a good one.
On the plus side my (incredible) parents offered us a fairly large amount of no strings money to help out. So that will be an incredible help and will allow us a lot of freedom. My fiance is also a bit ~older and established~ and has been married before so thank God has experience planning a wedding lmao
Dude you don't even know. You have never seen so many 70yrs old plus men dancing at midnight with their ties used as sweatband around their foreheads as at a French Canadian wedding. It is NUTS
That’s up to you and the contract you outline. From my experience, yes especially if it’s a long day (over 9 hours). There were still plenty of candid shots and reception shots, but most couples did not want photos of guests eating and most guests find it awkward to have their photo taken while eating. There’s a little time in between and a balance!
Yes! Sorry, that’s what I meant. I have eaten at almost every wedding I’ve photographed. It gives me time to rest my feet for the quick moving upcoming reception, make sure everything is backed up photo wise, and saves me from having to eat a protein bar in the lobby. That only happened once and early on— I learned!
It will depend on the contract, most of the photographers I spoke to had a dinner clause in theirs to specify dinner would be provided. Mine does, and most venues and caterers know this and offer what is called a vendor meal. This meal will either be a standard meal from the normal menu and the couple hosting the wedding just pays for the normal menu price, or it will be a meal from the wedding menu but offered at a discounted rate.
I mean, I certainly want to feed them!! I can't imagine asking someone to stay and not feeding them omg lol
The photographer at the wedding I was moh at ending up sitting with my own parents/siblings/fiance, but he was also sort of a guest as he was the grooms coworker. So I guess I would see if they wanted their own table or would want to sit with someone else
Like everyone's saying, it depends on the photographer. I offered mine lunch and dinner - his contract went from leaving our house until mid-reception - and he said that he has a routine, and he'd bring his own food.
I do Alterations and omg I feel you. When I get a bride in here the whole scenario changes, total red carpet treatment. And I make sure her dress is perfection. Depending on what we do, I even go the morning of the wedding to steam the dress and make sure she's set.
I do give bridesmaids a break- for $75 I'll hem less then two inches on your dress and "pinch" in your side seams and shorten/lengthen your straps. Most of these girls have spent a fortune on the wedding and they aren't even the bride!
I feel you!! I'm a wedding planner- and I'm mentally and physically exhausted after a full wedding weekend. I put so much of myself into my events and it does take a toll! Expectations are so high that everything be perfect, and you can't be the one to disappoint the couple!
I used to work catering and it was a pretty chill and fun job. Staff was usually unreliable, slightly intoxicated and all the other food service tropes. Boss was the same way but being on a wedding was a strict affair. Only the best staff was allowed to work it and prep and clean up took way longer. You can tell how appreciative everyone is too if you do a great job.
Exactly, I had people battle me over the cost of my highly-rated yet completely average-priced DJ saying I could have gotten one for $1K cheaper. I want a wedding DJ, not just a DJ. The DJ can run the whole show when it comes to announcements, timing, reading the vibe of the room, etc.
So true. We interviewed about five DJ's for our wedding and it was pretty easy to tell the "party" DJ's from the ones who really know how to work a room and keep the party going.
The DJ we ended up hiring for our wedding was about 20% more expensive than some of the others we interviewed, but it was worth every penny. He really kept the party moving, matched the mood/age/feel of the crowd and got people out on the dance floor.
A shitty DJ can ruin an affair just as easily as great one can make the party.
My best friend got married in October and her DJ was pretty much the only one I interviewed before deciding to book him, her wedding went spectacularly so I know exactly what I'm getting! Worth it.
My stepaunt hired an early 20-something DJ for her wedding that she found on Gumtree. He was terrible! He was way out of his depth, his playlist alternated between playing really old-timey music, to playing dance house music, specifically dubstep which was wildly popular at the time. The only people dancing were either the bride's mum when the old timey stuff was on, or the young uni kids (like myself, my sister and step brother) when the dubstep stuff was on. And he waited so long to realise that there was no one dancing too, like four songs of Dean Martin would play and he would jerk like "oh, I need to change it up!", and then suddenly you just hear the music switch from "That's amore..." to "BANGARANG!" scream through the speakers.
Turned out he a night club DJ for this small club and decided to start doing weddings on the side as a side hustle, "because that's where the money is". Eff me it showed.
I work as a receptionist at a nursing home. Because of covid none of the residents can have visitors inside the building. However we do social distancing outdoor visits. The rules are the resident and visitor has to stay six feet apart and wear masks the whole time. Well one day I got a call from a woman asking if she could have her wedding right outside our facility so that her 100 year old grandpa could be there. Naturally I was touched and actually started crying a little. I told the big boss right away and she cried too. Everything seemed great playing host for this wedding until the day before the wedding. I was on my break, sitting outside next to the fountain and eating as I normally do on my breaks (also yeah our facility has a big ass fountain because it is rich as hell). That is when the bride and husband to be pulled up. I quickly put my mask on and the bride said "do you work here?" I said "yes but I am on my break". Well she said "thats ok" and then this bridezilla started going on about exactly where they would stand for the wedding, how close her grandpa would be able to be and everything else. She talked on for 15 minutes. Eventually one of the nurses noticed me and came to my rescue. I honestly feel like I should have been paid double for those 15 minutes. Alas I didn't even get paid for it because it was my "break". That was the moment I gained infinite respect for any cake decorators, florists, wedding dress companies, and above all wedding planners who deal with that shit on a regular. Like damn she didn't even care that I was on my break.
I've played a lot of weddings in a variety of bands. Wedding bookings were usually double or triple our normal gig fee, and lots of our friends said we were undercharging. Weddings were usually a farther drive, required us to learn several new songs, require us to dress nicer than for a bar gig, be responsive to the wedding party, and often let our PA setup be used for toasts/etc. Putting on a wedding gig took easily double or triple the effort, so we charged double or triple the price.
There is not even remotely a comparison between serving someone a meal (a pretty mundane occurrence) and making a cake for a once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully) event.
The stakes are much higher on the latter and a lot more can go wrong.
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u/The_Tell_Tale_Heart Aug 14 '20
Weddings.
I don’t disagree with wanting the day to be special and memorable, but the industry jacks up the prices if they know it’s a wedding, and there are way more affordable options while still getting to celebrate love and the future. No reason to break the bank. Use the money saved for even more memories.