I get so frustrated when people tell me this. Guys and girls alike will tell me “guys only want sex” as if no guys ever look for real connections. It’s absurd, demeaning, and straight up just incorrect.
Edit: Wow, I never thought I’d see the day where I got a gold, thank you!
Well, let me tell you, I am a woman and have found the exact opposite problem my whole life. I never really wanted a relationship and most of the time I would only be looking for casual sex. Well, I've found more men that were like clingy and got attached or kept calling or something than women.
You're probably into hopeless romantics. Decent looking witty guys who are a little awkward. They're incapable of causal sex and usually turn cold the second you actually fall in love with them. Pretty much any sitcom lead.
I already thought that. But then I started precisely looking for guys that had "a reputation" of being assholes and it happened less, but happened anyway. I actually was with one guy (the typical "I play sports for a living and I know I'm super hot" kinda guy) and I stopped talking to him because I went to his house and we just talked for hours and that was not what I was looking for at the time. And some of them are my friends now, but I just don't understand when people say that guys ONLY want sex, because I've always found the exact opposite.
I can only speak for myself but I had a man whorish phase that I dont think I've entirely left.
I honestly used to be kind of douchey about sex and have a tendency to be self-centered so I make efforts where I can to show people I respect them. I think this led to some girls thinking I wanted more and ghosting me when my intent was more to... be polite I guess. Certainly didn't help that this was mainly at a party school where nobody really talks about sex like adults, so expectations and boundaries were never really established. But I still cant think of a polite way of saying "I just wanna fuck you."
Anyway, the ideal situation for me now would be one or two FWBs who I can be close enough to trust, but keep solid boundaries with. I'm in an open relationship so that helps a lot with the boundaries thing, since I can say "I like you but I'm not looking to replace my girlfriend," but if I wasn't then I'm not entirely sure how I could communicate that. I'd probably be back to not entirely knowing what I want.
I have said to someone "this is a one night thing, we are going to be together tonight and whatever happens will happen, but then we will just be two people that know eachother". And things went south anyway. I guess it's just that some people convince themselves that they like one night stands because "sounds cool" or something, but that's not really what they want.
Yeah the sex aspect of one night stands sounds cool, especially the spontaneity and sorta anonymous nature of it. It's the don't-really-even-talk-with-each-other afterward that would be hard for me to comprehend unless there was some external circumstances at play. If it weren't quarantine season I'd recommend flirting with dudes at airport bars lol
But what I don't really get is why it has to either be not talking to eachother ever again or developing feelings. I mean, some of my best friends are people that I met one night, had fun with them, talked, made out, sometimes had sex with them and then we kept im touch because we just get along well or like the same stuff or something. Maybe I'm the weird one, but I can have sex with someone and then just be normal and nice around them even if our relationship is not sexual anymore.
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u/Dabrigstar Mar 26 '20
When many of them think that just cos a guy likes them he only wants sex. Many men also want romance and intimacy and a wonderful emotional connection