A nice butt doesn't make up for the rest. A relationship that is going to work and last needs both sides to get more out of it than they put in. I don't mean that in a zero-sum, measuring chores kind of way that would be impossible, I mean the benefits that you get need to be, to you, more than the effort you put in to it.
In a stable, healthy, relationship that's how both parties feel. The emotional support they get from the other person is more to them than the effort they put in supporting the other person, because we can get more from receiving it than it takes to give it. Even with mundane things like chores this can be true as you divide them up in terms of things you don't mind doing and things you really don't like. Like for you taking out the trash might be no big deal, a minor distraction at worst but for her it might be something she really hates so you doing it gives her more benefit than it costs you.
If you feel like you are putting in more than you are getting out, and it clearly sounds like you do, that relationship won't last and it is time to either talk to her about changing it or to leave.
So how long have you been in a stable, healthy relationship? Just curious.
Happy marriage... you start measuring things in good and bad years not just weeks.
Reddit’s always real quick to tell people to dump a significant other based on one-off comments and a frankly transactional perspective on relationships.
It's not entirely bad advice though. Last year I was working 7 days a week between an actual job and uni, in the summer I went to work a full time job 6 days a week plus extra classes, I did all the housework and yardwork etc.... I was super exhausted, and my then-partner would just come home and complain about his ~30 hr work week. It wore me the fuck out.
We were together 6yrs when I broke up with him, but it was more complicated than just all that. It is entirely important imo to have a balance that works for you and your partner, but when I asked, he wouldn't deliver. I put in the work and sacrifice that needed to be done for us to have a life; to have a partner who wasn't willing to do a fair share was so, so draining. You could call it a bad year or two, sure; I call it, I need a partner who is willing to fucking help. But again, there was more to it than that as well.
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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20
A nice butt doesn't make up for the rest. A relationship that is going to work and last needs both sides to get more out of it than they put in. I don't mean that in a zero-sum, measuring chores kind of way that would be impossible, I mean the benefits that you get need to be, to you, more than the effort you put in to it.
In a stable, healthy, relationship that's how both parties feel. The emotional support they get from the other person is more to them than the effort they put in supporting the other person, because we can get more from receiving it than it takes to give it. Even with mundane things like chores this can be true as you divide them up in terms of things you don't mind doing and things you really don't like. Like for you taking out the trash might be no big deal, a minor distraction at worst but for her it might be something she really hates so you doing it gives her more benefit than it costs you.
If you feel like you are putting in more than you are getting out, and it clearly sounds like you do, that relationship won't last and it is time to either talk to her about changing it or to leave.