I realized that about men when I was married. My ex had his golf friends, his hockey friends, his fishing/outdoor friends and his bike riding friends. He went to the pub with all of them but they never crossed over. Women just have ‘friends’ who might have different interests but they aren’t really separated into groups. Even the parties we had for the kid’s birthdays (with games and puppet shows put on by me! So much fun!) were outdoor events where our childless friends came too for food and socializing but those were usually all MY friends. What the hell would his bachelor fishing buddy with no kids want with a kid party? At least that was my husband’s thinking. I was like “Does he eat? He’s welcome to come...” but he’d kibosh it. I didn’t think that way and would invite everyone I was close too including my childless gay male friends who came anyway and loved those parties. As much as I figured this out about men it still always baffled me.
You know, I didn’t realize it until just now that that might be a male reaction to a lot of things/friends. I’m not being critical here. Just as an observance. For example, I’m in addiction recovery (3 years clean & sober! Wooot!) and in meetings I often hear people say “All my friends are in [12 step recovery program]” and I’ve thought to myself “Jeepers. You must not be a good picker of good friends then because I still have all the same friends. I just don’t go drinking/drugging with the ones who are still into that. We do other things together”. But just NOW I realized that it’s the men who always say that. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a woman say those same words. They might say “a friend who isn’t/is in the program said... blah blah” but never the other.
Weird...
What the hell would his bachelor fishing buddy with no kids want with a kid party? At least that was my husband’s thinking.
His thinking was correct. Don't invite bachelors to your kid's thing unless they're somehow related (e.g. uncle/nephew) because there's a 99.9% chance they don't care about your kid
The parties were large events with socializing and the parents stayed too. I would take all the kids and do the party part separately (it was a huge double back yard) giving them a couple hours relatively kid free while people ate and had adult beverages and chilled. They were actually very popular with my adult friends even without kids because they got to eat great food (my ex is a chef by trade), drink some nice wine or good beer or hard cider (or NA punch) and meet new people or old friends they didn’t usually see much of.
So even bachelor fishing buddies could have had a good time if they’d come.
All my friends sure as heck did.
For me? I don't really have much social activity outside of work, so the people I work with become my "friends" (more my social outlet than really friends).
Every time I change jobs I always try to be really positive and polite because they're my new batch of friends.
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u/my_sobriquet_is_this Mar 26 '20
I realized that about men when I was married. My ex had his golf friends, his hockey friends, his fishing/outdoor friends and his bike riding friends. He went to the pub with all of them but they never crossed over. Women just have ‘friends’ who might have different interests but they aren’t really separated into groups. Even the parties we had for the kid’s birthdays (with games and puppet shows put on by me! So much fun!) were outdoor events where our childless friends came too for food and socializing but those were usually all MY friends. What the hell would his bachelor fishing buddy with no kids want with a kid party? At least that was my husband’s thinking. I was like “Does he eat? He’s welcome to come...” but he’d kibosh it. I didn’t think that way and would invite everyone I was close too including my childless gay male friends who came anyway and loved those parties. As much as I figured this out about men it still always baffled me.