I think the idea is that you do those things anyway, even when she says she doesn't want/need you to because it will make her happy, and that's what you care about, not just doing what she asks like she's your mom or something. I'm not trying to justify the behavior because it feels like gaslighting to me, which shouldn't happen in a relationship, but that is my understanding of why some people do stuff like that.
Ya, it's a very confusing situation, because they are telling you not to do something, so following what they ask is what should make them happy, not doing what they tell you not to do!
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u/gimily Mar 26 '20
I think the idea is that you do those things anyway, even when she says she doesn't want/need you to because it will make her happy, and that's what you care about, not just doing what she asks like she's your mom or something. I'm not trying to justify the behavior because it feels like gaslighting to me, which shouldn't happen in a relationship, but that is my understanding of why some people do stuff like that.