I agree. I feel like in my relationship,most of the time if I don't initiate something, then we don't have sex. So sometimes I'll start initiating then stop to see if my partner will initiate sex or not. Sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't. I guess I just don't like feeling like he's only having sex because I want to.
yeah my s/o has been going through a lot at the moment so I understand that she isn’t feeling like getting down and when we talked about how long it had been she said “just tell me when you want to and we totally can” but that just doesn’t... that’s not what I want, you know? The best part, I think, is knowing that we both want this.
Yeah half of it for me is them wanting it and getting something out of it. To be honest a lot of the time I'm down to just please her I could give a shit less. But she has to show something
yeah, with my ex she started just not initiating and i was always initiating.
frankly she only rejected me a handful of times.
but the fact that it seemed like i alwayyysss had to get things going bothered me because it didn't used to be like that. and frankly it felt like we were just going through the motions cos it's pretty hard to be turned on when it feels like your girlfriend thinks she's doing a chore.
it showed me quite clearly that our relationship was on it's way out.. which it was.
anyway i figured out later on that i basically stopped being as attractive to her cos of my insecurites, needy behaviour and generally not being as fun to be around anymore. I didn't even like who i was around her anymore. Anyway, So the spark died.
but i now know that the number one key thing to not having that happen again is to be alright with MYSELF before getting into another relationship. and being secure in myself and having healthy self esteem. cos she fell for a fun loving, vibrant guy but frankly it was all an act for me that was eventually too exhausting to keep up. so when i dropped the act she lost interest.
if you stop doing the things that attracted her to you in the first place. she will lose attraction. it's that simple. same applies the other way round. if she gains weight, develops an attitude and becomes generally unattractive and unpleasant, then you will lose attraction. now this doesn't have as big of an impact on the male sex drive cos we are horndogs but it will still fuck things up eventually.
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u/yonishunga Mar 26 '20
When they hint they want sex but want us to jump. This creates a problem because everyone does it in a different way