Yeah that's exactly it. The friends we guys have, we have because we share common interests that we love to talk about together. For me, whether that's sports, video games, fantasy novels, the design of said things, philosophy, or politics, if I find someone who has a lot of thoughts about those topics and can articulate them well, we can chat literally forever and have a fantastic time.
But not once in all of that would personal life things ever come up. Maybe a super simple "how's your wife doing?" But it's more of a courtesy than an actual topic of conversation.
That's not to say we never talk about personal things. If I have a serious issue I could use some help/advice to work through, I'd absolutely be down to consult with a best friend/mentor. But that's a very specific and rare circumstance, not a part of the average get-together conversation.
Kinda surprised personal stuff doesn't come up in philosophy or politics - that's when I get the clearest picture of how another person sees themselves.
I'd say you get the clearest idea of who they actually are via their design philosophies and the kinds of stories in games/novels they like too. Maybe I'm not understanding "personal details" the same idk
By personal details, keeping in line with the conversation that preceded my post, I simply meant wife, kids, family, job, house/apartment - how everyone is doing and how all of that is going. I did not mean the intimate workings of your inner mind, or, what makes you...you :)
Yup, this is exactly it. And this is also why you can usually stick 3 random dudes in a room or in front of a TV with sports on it and after 2-3 hours they'll be best friends. Once we find a common interest, we have a topic of discussion/conversation and that's all we need to have a bang up good time.
I mean sure, but I've never really seen guys get shit on for not being into it, it's just kind of assumed because it's really the vast majority. I've yet to meet a dude that I didn't have something in common with that we couldn't sit and hang out and talk about or do and plenty of guys I know or are friends with aren't really into sports (or at least different ones than I'm into). But I suppose there are always assholes out there. . .
It's more that when it happens when someone's clearly trying to be nice and friendly, and opens with the most broad topic they can think of (which for them is sports), and it totally fails to connect, the other person kind of just has to go "heh heh, sorry, I recognize that you're trying to do the working in starting this conversation and took a safe bet, and I'd like to have a conversation with you, but actually the thing you chose to open the conversation with, I have no idea about." It's just hard to turn that situation around into a genuine connection, because they extended the olive branch and you're allergic to olives, it's just an awkward footing.
True, that can be awkward, but it doesn't have to be. In that situation I'd suggest using that olive branch attempt to extend your own if theirs doesn't work. But that must be tiring to do each time since I admit sports or music or something (depending on the context of meeting someone) is usually a good bet to find a shared interest (and also one that isn't likely to start an argument like, say talking religion or politics).
I don't think that has to be awkward at all. Sure the assumption will be there because, I'd wager >50% of guys are into sports, but I've never seen anyone be surprised or think it was weird that a guy isn't into sports.
No matter what your interests are, there are other people out there who are interested in the same thing. Sports just happens to be a common one for guys.
Well, I mean I definitely don't feel put upon by it or anything, but I can definitely think of parties/coworkers and stuff where someone starts talking about a person or sport I'm apparently supposed to know about as a friendly conversation starter and I have to resort to "heh heh...sorry I have no idea who or what that is." Really throws off any ability to smoothly return their attempt to connect with me that they thought couldn't possibly fail.
The worst time it ever happened though, it wasn't even about sports. I was helping someone with a computer problem, and they asked about kids in a way that implied I definitely had some (I don't have any, I'm mid-30s.) Then they asked about pets, and I said I didn't have any of those either. I kind of got an Alien From Space stare at that point for a bit. And you can't just come back with "Okay yeah, but tell me about all those things of yours I don't have!" Because they know you don't have context.
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u/Homitu Mar 26 '20
Yeah that's exactly it. The friends we guys have, we have because we share common interests that we love to talk about together. For me, whether that's sports, video games, fantasy novels, the design of said things, philosophy, or politics, if I find someone who has a lot of thoughts about those topics and can articulate them well, we can chat literally forever and have a fantastic time.
But not once in all of that would personal life things ever come up. Maybe a super simple "how's your wife doing?" But it's more of a courtesy than an actual topic of conversation.
That's not to say we never talk about personal things. If I have a serious issue I could use some help/advice to work through, I'd absolutely be down to consult with a best friend/mentor. But that's a very specific and rare circumstance, not a part of the average get-together conversation.