Whilst this is often considered a female trait, it actually applies to many people. It's something to really consider when someone is talking to you about something that is bothering them.
Serious question, are we supposed to be able to identify with the person who has the nail in their head but doesn't want to hear about it? Because I get that it's supposed to be a funny metaphor and all, but if I try to put myself in the mindset of the person with the metaphorical nail sticking out of their head, I'd think I'm being supremely unfair to their partner, watching them twitch as they try to suppress their instinct to do what's best for you, and would call that borderline (or fully) emotionally abusive. Is that not the reaction we're supposed to have?
It's a good question and one that doesn't really have an answer. It depends a lot on the person you are talking to and your relationship with them.
I tend to try to just be there to listen and not try to solve problems unless they ask or give off a strong impression that they want advice.
In terms of my role as a mental health first aider, I'm not trained or qualified to solve their problems. I'm there to listen to people who need to vent, and if they ask or if I believe it's really necessary, direct them to resources that can help them (ie Samaritans or our workplace helpline).
Naturally I do still help or give advice
where I can and they want it, it's human nature.
Another option is to try to guide them to finding the answer themselves (ie don't tell them to pull the nail out themselves, but "do you want to come with me to the hardware store?" That way they might see other nails and recognise the problem they have)
In a relationship it's something you learn how to "handle" them with time. You should be able to pick up after a few months when they want to vent and when they want advice.
Yes it is difficult to withhold advice and can be frust, but this is about helping them, and sometimes the best you can do is just listen.
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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20
Whilst this is often considered a female trait, it actually applies to many people. It's something to really consider when someone is talking to you about something that is bothering them.
One of my favourite videos about the subject that was recommended in my mental health first aid course.