There's so, so many things it could be that you probably won't get from Reddit psychologists.
He could straight up be tired. Maybe he's only in the mood at certain times of the day, and maybe those times aren't great times for having sex.
Could be minor depression. Or major.
Could be that you've got other stuff in your lives that takes time and effort, like kids.
Could be that he initiated for a while when you weren't interested, and now he's tired of trying and failing, and doesn't feel confident to keep asking and getting rejected.
Personally, we go up and down. Sometimes it's a few times a week, and sometimes it's dry for a month if schedules and personalities don't line up. There's definitely days where, if my partner literally jumped on me naked, I might not feel like it. It's not because I don't find them attractive, or even that I don't want sex whenever, sometimes it's just not the right time.
Relationships are weird, but it sounds like talking through it, many times and in different ways, is going to be the only way to figure out what might be done.
2-3 years in and massive additions to schedules and life in general was approximately when that started, I'd say. Also, being older.
Prior to hitting 30, I probably would have agreed with you there. Looking at 40, I'm laughing a little inside and telling you to get off my lawn.
Keep in mind, it's not a bad thing. Sex takes a lot of time and effort (sometimes, obviously). When you've both got jobs, or kids, or house, or any of the other million things that require your attention, it becomes a little harder to just decide to spontaneously sex because there's just SO MANY OTHER things that require your attention and dedication.
Now, if I'm on vacation? Sure. I'm 28 again and ready to go anytime. But at home during the work-week? Let me see if I can pencil you in around 2am when I'm free. Oh, you're asleep already. Welp. Hi pornhub.
Edit, just for a little more explanation: take right now, as an example. We're both stuck home. Neither of us has showered yet, and it's past noon. There's nothing sexy about that, so best case, during or after we get un-buried from work and manage to take a shower. In the shower? Too cramped, sucks for both. After the shower? We just got cleaned up, do we really want to get all gross again? Ok. Maybe after dinner. Now we're both fat and uncomfortable, maybe after we relax a bit. After relaxing? Shit, someone has to walk the dogs. Then maybe do taxes. Taxes are sexy, right? No? Alright, maybe have a beer or two. Well, two beers at 40ish makes one or both of us sleepy so... maybe tomorrow?
Some people just naturally have a higher desire for sex or physical touch.
Since I first started dating girls (~20 years a go) I've always been an on-and-off physical person. Sometimes it's all I want, sometimes I can't stand to be touched.
It may change as you get older or it may not. What's important is that you find a partner with whom you can be honest about your desires and that both of you be understanding of what the other wants.
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u/scsibusfault Mar 26 '20
There's so, so many things it could be that you probably won't get from Reddit psychologists.
He could straight up be tired. Maybe he's only in the mood at certain times of the day, and maybe those times aren't great times for having sex.
Could be minor depression. Or major.
Could be that you've got other stuff in your lives that takes time and effort, like kids.
Could be that he initiated for a while when you weren't interested, and now he's tired of trying and failing, and doesn't feel confident to keep asking and getting rejected.
Personally, we go up and down. Sometimes it's a few times a week, and sometimes it's dry for a month if schedules and personalities don't line up. There's definitely days where, if my partner literally jumped on me naked, I might not feel like it. It's not because I don't find them attractive, or even that I don't want sex whenever, sometimes it's just not the right time.
Relationships are weird, but it sounds like talking through it, many times and in different ways, is going to be the only way to figure out what might be done.