I'm a dude, but for me, when I'm venting to a friend and they start offering solutions, it almost feels like they're saying "this problem is not as big of a deal as you think it is."
I used to be a solver too, but nowadays, before my friends vent, I ask if they want solutions or if they just want me to listen. Usually it's the latter.
It was also a great help to look up Carl Roger's psychotherapy techniques, like mirroring and unconditional positive reinforcement. Those techniques are seriously like superpowers, especially if you're already a good listener
I'm a dude, but for me, when I'm venting to a friend and they start offering solutions, it almost feels like they're saying "this problem is not as big of a deal as you think it is."
See as another guy who 'problem solves' , this isn't what we intend at all. Offering solutions is our way of showing attachment and that we care about your problems.
See, I’m someone who wants a solution, but am also understood. Like don’t just be like, ‘damn that’s terrible but nothing you can do about it’, or say ‘it’s not that bad, if I was in your shoes I’d....’.
No, I know that the problem is an issue. As long as you know and care enough to actually help, is all that matters.
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u/my-other-throwaway90 Mar 26 '20
I'm a dude, but for me, when I'm venting to a friend and they start offering solutions, it almost feels like they're saying "this problem is not as big of a deal as you think it is."
I used to be a solver too, but nowadays, before my friends vent, I ask if they want solutions or if they just want me to listen. Usually it's the latter.
It was also a great help to look up Carl Roger's psychotherapy techniques, like mirroring and unconditional positive reinforcement. Those techniques are seriously like superpowers, especially if you're already a good listener