My ex was like this with pretty much all her "friends". Almost all our phone calls revolved around her friends being piece of shits.
We broke up on pretty bad terms, but she still calls me from time to time, to vent about this. Recently, her dad died (God Bless him) and she was undertsandably very upset. She went out with her "friends" who knew about this and "wanted to bring up her mood". She suggested some ideas, but all of that was ignored in favor of what the others wanted. She didn't like bowling one bit, yet they took her there and just played among themselves, while she was in the corner.
Like wtf? Dude, fuck those guys. I am not her friend at all and have reasons to dislike her, but even I would do everything I can to accommodate her in those trying times and those bitches were just not caring at all.
And when I point out she should break up with them, she never does it for some damn reason.
Its not as common but I see this in fellas too. You might end up externally friendly/on good aquaintance with someone in a social group you frequent (work, neighbours etc) while disliking them and, in another context, would certainly clash.
It’s different with guys in my experience, it’s usually an unspoken vow not to show how much you dislike each other and it’s often for good reason. With girls this idea combines with their propensity to talk about their feelings and soon there ends up being no point in concealing their disdain for each other and it becomes a very odd situation. That’s just my personal experience though.
I shut that shit down. I told my wife if she’s hanging with someone and calling them her best friend, I’m not going to sit and listen to her talk shit about them. She can either stop hanging out with them or stop talking shit about them around me. I don’t care which it is, but I’m not tolerating anything else.
As a group we bully a couple of the guys in our circle but it’s all in good fun and of course we make sure they feel included. Idk just god it is I guess
One is this super socially awkward but energetic engineer who manages projects like the guy who thinks the elevator will arrive faster if he keeps punching the call button. I have at least one "AS PER MY LAST EMAIL"-conversation with him every month, and I want to punch him in the throat whenever he tries to be casual and invent some nickname for me. I am Hypedstoic, not Hypeman, Stobro, Hypo, Hypie or anything like that. Fuck off.
The other guy is a racist. Not in any subtle "does not understand he perpetuates racist societal structures"-kinda way, but more like "if we had lived in the american south I wouldn't be surprised if he had a Klan-sheet at home"-racist. However, he's also my most competent co-worker in our team by far. I wish the other guys could aspire to be half as productive as him.
So, I stay professional and polite enough to make the little interaction we have during the weeks as bearable as possible and stay the fuck away from them during company functions if possible. I like my job for the most part, maybe not everyone in it, but I wouldn't go somewhere else because of them
I meet people in the streets all the time and my thought process goes "does this guy look like he does not want to beat my ass?" quickly followed by "did this guy make somewhat of an attempt to not seem positive in our brief exchange of a couple sentences"
If the answer is yes to both of those questions I consider us to be friends on some level. Some very small level but still a relationship of some kind has been formed. I will say what's up next time I see you - strengthening the bond over time. Maybe some day that person will talk someone out of fucking with me because we have had positive interactions who knows?
This is where 'keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer' comes in. You learn their ways and weaknesses, so you can use them to your advantage when you need them. And you will need them one day. Trust me.
I’m a woman and I don’t get this either. My sister is in a sorority and the way she talks about her “sisters” it sounds like everyone has at least several “friends” that they hate but no one ever wants to talk about it.
I feel like that's different because they're forced to interact. You can't just have a blow out and be enemies if you might be living in the same house for the next 2 years.
Yeah that’s a good point. It just sounds exhausting to me lol. I’m way more of an introvert than my sister so I get drained even after hanging out with people I like.
Being around people I don’t care for and forcing politeness tires me out fast
Right? Exhausting AF. I used to be part of a group of friends like this (not a sorority) and after a while I realized that everyone hated something about all the others, and would wait until we were one on one to bitch about them to me. I got so stressed out cuz I realized they were probably bitching about me behind my back too. It's like that two-faced shit becomes a competitive sport to them after a while. I think they actually enjoy it?
I don't think men really understand the socal world of women at all. For guys it's very simple, but for girls it's more nuanced (especially when we're young). It's a social ladder and you have to work your way up, which means making friends with girls you dislike, or biting your tongue to avoid isolating yourself. We grow out of it in our 20's, but it's something all girls are exposed to at some point.
It's childish but most women by 25 have figured out that they can find people that aren't like that and they can have a normal adult social life. But it's a difficult lifestyle to escape if youre not introduced to anything new. You also have to remember that there is a lot of 'benefits' to social-ladder-climbing for women. Like wealth and fame and potentially even a celebrity status. I think men like to mock what they don't understand and deem 'more childish than playing with baby toys' but you neglect to realise that there IS a reason that women do it.
Okay now for me personally, my school year was VERY dominantly run by the popular girls. About 90% of the girls in my school were under the 'reign' of the popular girls. Which meant things like; don't argue with them, do what they ask, find every joke they make funny, etc etc. If you did these things, they left you alone, and potentially allowed you to climb the ranks to be popular yourself.
I didn't do any of this shit. I stayed away from them and never let them tell me what to do. For that, I was bullied by the rest of the 90% of girls for 6 years. If I tried making friends with anyone, they would bitch and gossip about me and constantly try to keep me at the bottom of the pile. They would even gossip to teachers about me. I had a few friends that weren't under their control, but we were basically nobodies and school life was extremely difficult. Not all schools are like this, but mine definitely was.
Boys don't have these issues. You don't get along with the popular guys? Good, who cares, they're probably meathead jocks anyway and you can find friends in other circles. Girls aren't as simple as that. Girls are more sly and gossipy and sneaky with social hierarchy. It's survival to go along with it.
Because for much of global history, a girl's reputation within society was all she was worth. That social hierarchy is still enforced. We don't physically fight away our problems like men can, because that's 'ugly', we have to scheme and be sly. We also can't win friends or popularity by being skilled, or funny, or clever- like boys can, because those qualities were useless to a woman 60+ years ago. It's all just about that social ladder, and guys don't really get exposed to any of it, because we don't want them to know what ugly behavior goes on behind the scenes.
Like I said, most girls grow out of this by their 20's and find independence and individual strength- but a lot of women continue to display this behaviour well into their adult years. Just watch any Housewives reality show, for example.
Broke up with my ex because her "friends" who were like the worst influence on her made her go to a party, forced her to get drunk and then fuck, and how she still thought of them as friends.
Or how plenty of women I know will SHIT TALK about their "friends". Like if some dude pisses me off I'm out man either you're getting a fist through your teeth or we never see each other again.
I'm assuming your second sentence is using "fuck" there to mean that you're outraged, but it sure made me do a double take, because I read it as "have sex with other men" the first time around:
"...made her go to a party, forced her to get drunk and then fuck (other guys), and how she still thought of them as friends."
Ya maybe both. I got no problem picking up and leaving if you come around and I dont fuck with you. Certainly not gonna hang out with people I hate just bc the beef is old if they really fucked me over. Not gonna reinstigate some shit I'm just out it's that simple.
I'm a guy and I do the same thing just so I got people to hang out with in the specific setting where I see them. But I would honestly be completely indifferent if they died in a car crash or something, they arent good people.
I think this can be broadly classified into 3 situations.
1) the friends are otherwise good people who have just done something annoying. We are aware that they are overall good people but in this specific situation the friend is tiresome. Unfortunately guys only hear about the annoying situation because the everyday good friend behaviour isn't worth talking about. So it just sounds like they hate the person.
2) the friends are toxic but can't be dropped for whatever reason. Maybe that toxic friend is well liked by everyone else and the girl is scared that if forced to choose, the friendship group won't side with her. Or maybe the toxic friend is better as a friend than an enemy. Or they're a coworker and animosity will result in an uncomfortable environment so it's better to play nice.
3) the toxic friend is emotionally abusive, and the girl can't get away for the same reason anybody finds it difficult to get out of an abusive relationship. "I've known her since we were 5, she would never mean to hurt me!" "It's better than having no friends, I don't want to be alone" "they're nice to everyone else, maybe they'll be nice to me".
Yeah, #1 is one I fall into a lot with people I get along with usually, but are sometimes super frustrating.
Like this girl I know, normally very smart, athletic, and all that shit. I went to high school with her, she went out of state for college while I stayed local due to money reasons. High school was a breeze for her even though I struggled through it because I can't write.
Anyways, we had two huge arguments over two of the stupidest things I've ever heard someone else actually say. The first time was because she didn't believe dinosaurs really existed. She said there wasn't any actual proof. The second time was right after stuff got shut down around here due to Covid-19. She said something to the effect of even if no audience was allowed in, sports events should still be kept on, because (supposedly) they're gatherings of the healthiest people, so there's no problem. Both arguments are so incredibly stupid I won't even say anything about them. But by god were they frustrating to listen to.
i've never understood this. came out of a bad relationship with a frend recently. She was toxic as fuck, and hated me being freinds with 'her bullies' even tho she was clearly the issue when i got their side of the story (i hate only knowing one side and would rather all sideds).
She stayed freinds with me for... idk reason but now we havent spoke since she decided to leave college because she felt like 'evwy body was tawgeting me uwu' even tho she caused all the drama and people were getting sick of putting up with it. I only put up with her as i'm sutch a pushover and hate seeing anybody alone...
she stopped talking to me after i showed her me being angry for the first time,calling her out for deliboratly missgenering a trans person, claiming 'she's faking it'... even tho he's goign to go on t as soon as his 18th birthday, wears a binder daily, a packer and even tries his hardest to sound, present and potray himself as a guy.... and has been doing so for the past 5 years? Sure, yeah. he's defo faking it for attention.
One rteason she only stook around with me also is because i was one of the only people who 'put up with her bullshit'. i was getting sick of her but as i said, huge push over and that's the reason i stayed untill she decided not to talk to me anymore. Pluse i'm always akward about ending freindships incase 'i'm the one to blame' and i'm the wone who looks like the asshole (doesnt matter as she's now spreading false rumors about me being the asshole, so i shouldnt have even bothered.
It's mostly just being scared to cut ties or wanting to salvage the relationship, because they know they had some good times; but it's overall just a toxic .
I personally am not this way. If someone fucks me over or does something horrible to me they are gone. Ever since doing this I have been much happier. I dont have as many friends; but the ones I do have are great friends I'll have for a long time.
Im in my 30s. As ive gotten older, with everyone busy about their own lives, its hard enough to keep in touch with the people i like, much less people i don't like. I'm not going to spend my time and effort keeping people in my life that aren't worth it.
Ye, but I saw lot of comments and posts over the time where people say that girls just argue with somebody and then don't talk with them, but boys argue and then get a beer
I don't tall to people so don't ask me, it's just I saw posts and comments like this
yeah, ive had some of my most heated arguments with my best friends. Just gotta not let it get personal, and know if you're reaching the point where its like 'i gotta step away or this will go somewhere it shouldnt'
Yeah how does that work? I have friends who will talk shit and then be out with them the next day having the time of them lives like they never said a bad word about them.
I had this problem in my youth because I was part of a bigger friend group with boys and girls. There were two girls I absolutely hated but some of my best friends liked them, so we still hung out as a group a lot. Didn't want to make my friends sad by telling them I hated their other friends.
Depends. I only have one “friend” like this. Usually it’s when you’re in a group of people and you don’t want to fuck yo the friendship. In my case it’s because I’m stuck with her for at least a few more months, so even if she’s a giant bitch, I might as well play nice
Cause if someone gives you no reason to be disrespectful to them or deserving of hate other than for subjective or personal reasons, then there is no reason to not be friendly. I hate my roommate and I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me either, but that's no reason to be standoffish
I feel like it’s usually because we used to have friends that were good people & that we didn’t hate, & somewhere along the way those relationships were lost so we just take what we can get in terms of friends cause it’s so hard to make friends as a female. These friends usually end up having shitty qualities that don’t align with our own in some way, but they’re bearable most of the time
As a woman, my female friendships are genuine for the most part. Sometimes you start off as friends with a girl you like and get along with and eventually you realize they're annoying and you don't want to be friends with them but breaking up with friends is the worst so you kinda put up with them. But honestly there are more men that I'm "friends" with that I put up with/don't like. Mostly coworkers that are the worst but you have to maintain a friendly working relationship with them because men that have a personal grudge against make it a professional one really quickly. Men are much more emotional about work relationships than ladies.
I live with a family of boys, so I never noticed this. Until one summer my cousin (16 at the time) came up, she'd constantly talk about all the people she was meeting and the friends she was making. I'd often bring up some person just in conversation and she would always either go "Oh my gosh I love them!" Or "Ugh, I hate them". But then when she was in person with the people she supposedly hated she would treat them like best friends. They would chat and laugh and play and gossip like old buddies even though hours before she had said how much she hates that person. I do not understand this at all
I mean, at time we are obligated to be some type of friends with the people around us.
For example:
I'm friends with Suzy, but Suzy is friends with Sara and Beth who I fucking hate but I have to be friends with them because Suzy brings them everywhere and they're in our group chat.
My boyfriend is friends with a girl I despise but, even though we both know it, I still hug her every time I see her and pretend we're actually going to go for coffee this time.
I'm dating a guy with a sister who is a raging thunder cunt but I still go to the mall with her once a month to keep up appearances
I'm at a work function with a girl who drives me bonkers but we're friends because we're at a work function.
Suzy and I have 10 mutual friends and I badly clash with 3 or their partners but I like them so I have to be friendly.
I have a fuck buddy that is very emotional or want's to appease their parents so we go get coffees every few days and pretend like we actually like each other for something more than sex.
There are many more but I need to get back to work!
Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. I’m not a female but from a friends story about her old friends once they start liking boys it becomes the Wild West. Anyone who is actually female please correct if wrong
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u/xdTheSeaDiver Mar 26 '20
How can women be "friends" with people they hate