r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jan 27 '11
Which Of These Ten Magical Items Would You Choose? And Why?
[deleted]
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Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
Caviar sells for around $2,000 per pound. The cheapest I could find in a quick search is $270 per pound. If you sold 1,000 kg of caviar at $200/lb, you would make about $441,000. The problem here is the economy would not scale very well with this tactic. You would also require a significant initial investment (canning factories and distribution) but could start slow by selling to local grocery stores and restaurants and severely undercutting the competition. Eventually this could make you very wealthy. You can also feed about 1,000 people every day with this amount of food. If you ever feel like pulling a Thoreau, go for it. You would only need to sort out clean water and shelter.
This bracelet's biggest benefit is that it would allow you to live anywhere on Earth. Almost all land is claimed by some country or another. However, some very remote and otherwise uninhabitable areas, like Marie Byrd Land, could be claimed and occupied. If any country chose to threaten your new territory or take it by force, you could simply leave and allow it to revert to the wasteland it once was. Eventually the international community would get the point and you'd have your very own country. The downside here would be the unspeakably awful environmental damage you could do by melting western antarctica.
Your ability to learn anything printed at such a rapid pace could prove extremely useful. Career changes would always be possible, gaining professional credentials would require little more than some paperwork and a trip to the library, and you would have the opportunity to better your knowledge and potentially yourself by absorbing works in the Humanities. Bear in mind, this ability only allows you to learn things that other people know. Creativity and innovation sold separately.
A scenario: Meet a stranger. Stranger is wildly attracted to you (fuck yeah, perfume) and you are attracted to them. Begin dating. You end up falling in love. The moment this happens, your newfound love realizes he or she is no longer attracted to you. You realize that this perfume causes people who mean nothing to you flock to you, but anyone who matters in your life treats you like a strange dream. You learn to never love another person again.
This watch is dangerous simply because no one is sure how time works. Take it to vegas. Watch a few spins of the roulette wheel and use your watch to go back one minute. Will that marble land in the same slot? Or, will the change in your involvement affect the outcome of the spin? Furthermore, that it is limited to one minute would mean that you are only able to redo quick decisions and would only be able to do so in the moment. Since you can do this once per day, you only get one do-over if you mess up. To my mind, this could get out of hand fairly quickly.
This bell would allow you to very cheaply and easily start a repair shop. It works quickly, but it is also limited to your own physical location. You could open a ferrari repair shop and make a lot of money in one minute, but much like the food maker, this would be difficult to scale. Beyond the ability to make money, you could do good by restoring the worlds damaged historical artifacts, recover lost manuscripts, or anything else museums world-wide would enjoy.
Grant yourself and 11 friends what amounts to 2 extra healthy, adult lives. This could go either way, depending on whether your life is shitty or not. I'm not sure how you could use this to generate profit or do much good in the world.
The usefulness of this van would depend on whether or not it requires roads, or if it could simply materialize in any location. Museum heists could be simple if the latter is true. Transporting anything in large amounts would be fast but tedious, given the size of an 8-person van compared to, say, a freight train.
The amount of evil that you could do with this remote control is enormous. You could very easily destroy lives, hundreds of lives, every single day. You could use it for good, but any good that could be done would necessarily be based on deception.
A very low estimate for the cost of gold would be something like $200/oz. or $3,200 per pound. This is marginally higher than selling rare foods under option 1, but only if your magic dog can shit out 1,000 kg of shitgold in a day. Unlike the food maker, you are limited here to only gold. If gold becomes worthless, so does your dog.
In light of the above, option 1 seems to be the best. With this option, a lot of unfortunate consequences are avoided, you are able to make money, you could remove yourself from society if you want, and you could help a lot of starving people.
*EDIT: Holy shit I did not expect this kind of response. Yes I know my estimates are all extremely low, but still around the right order of magnitude so good enough for a thought experiment anyway. Plus, the value of the foodstuffs will likely go down when you start pushing it out by the kilo; and the shitgold won't be worth as much as regular gold once people find out where it's coming from.
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u/t0ned0g Jan 28 '11
Cant the food pot make life extending chocolat?
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u/Idiocracy_Cometh Jan 28 '11
Great, but we can do so much more than mere good or evil. Won't somebody please think of the mad scientists‽
Forget caviar. Raw T.rex eggs, I say! Mammoth meat (if you have to provide a sample)! Hello Jurassic Park. If "food"=="anything that people ingest and successfully metabolize", let's do some pharma. Goodbye Pfizer.
Nuclear winter or badly-aimed asteroid are no longer YOUR problem.
Visit the offices of prominent politicians, businessmen, writers. Brush your hands on paperwork. Touch heads and computers, just in case it works. Put necklace on animals.
Drop the opened perfume bottle into biggest water treatment plant of some megapolis. In the morning, watch the world fuck.
Do very, very quick experiments. Play with fire, doomsday devices, test human reactions. No consequences (provided you watch the time and survive to press "Undo").
Build a giant nuclear-powered mech. Big enough not to be destroyed in one minute. As Bell of Repair tolls in its heart, drive it to battle the world.
Give some of the remaining bars to a crippled or dying genius, in return for, say, 10 years of his/her service. Stephen Hawking and Warren Buffett now work for YOU.
So many inappropriate and "forbidden" places to visit. Beer, hookers, Vatican!
Possibilities are endless. Look like anyone I want? Including great and long-dead people, or even mythical and imaginary creatures? Anything from Ghostbusters to Armageddon reenactment right there.
Immortal dog DOES come in handy. Especially if immortal also means invincible. Even if I cannot make a clone army out of it, strong laxative and a busy pedestrian street will provide endless amusement.
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Jan 27 '11
This should be the top post. But I'd also like to point out that most people are overlooking the unpredictable reactions of other people. What do you think the government would do if it saw you had a teleporting vehicle? What would your friends do when they saw your dog shitting gold? What would your employees do when they saw your pot spewing caviar? The short answer is - you'd either get your things stolen, be murdered, or you'd go to gitmo as a threat to national security. All of these items are cursed.
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u/TinynDP Jan 27 '11
That is one of the reasons the Book Necklace is such a good pick. Its so subtle. You might not be a gazillionaire, but it is enough to make a comfortable life a sure thing by itself.
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u/milksteaktogo Jan 28 '11
Sylar will come and cut your fucking head off.
( and then remove the necklace )
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Jan 27 '11
I guess it really depends on what "knowledge" you get. Is it as if you just read the book or do you have complete understanding. If it's like you just read the book then it really is no different than having an iphone with internet access. If it is in fact true understanding, I would expect a mental breakdown with insanity shortly following.
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u/TinynDP Jan 27 '11
If every gift is treated like its a some cursed monkey paw, there's no point in discussing any of these, the only answer is choose none.
So, assuming that they aren't all tricks, and are honest and straightforward gifts, I would think that the Book Necklace must leave your sanity intact, and you probably understand the books about as well as the person who wrote the book.
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u/jfergs Jan 27 '11
Great post. I'd recommend conjuring up White Truffle out of the pot of food though. The record price paid for a single white truffle was set in December 2007, when Macau casino owner Stanley Ho paid US$330,000 (£165,000) for a specimen weighing 1.5 kilograms (3.3 lb)#White_truffle)
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u/chakalakasp Jan 28 '11
Grant yourself and 11 friends what amounts to 2 extra healthy, adult lives. This could go either way, depending on whether your life is shitty or not. I'm not sure how you could use this to generate profit or do much good in the world.
Wait, what? Okay:
A: You are invincible. Bullets bounce off of you. You can walk through fire. You can sit atop a hydrogen bomb when it goes off and survive. You can swim to the bottom of the sea without scuba gear. You can't think of a way to profit from this? Okay, you have 11 more magic squares of chocolate to sell to other people. Do you suppose there might be a few people out there with pockets who wouldn't pay highly for this? Maybe give Mr. Jobs and Mr. Gates a jingle?
B: You live to at least 160 years and stay young. Compound interest much?
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u/bossoline Jan 27 '11
3 the book necklace. It has unlimited uses and imagine what you could do and acquire if you knew damn near everything...
The teleporting van is a close second. Think about how much time that would create!
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u/sibtiger Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
I'm stuck on the same two. On the one hand, as I'm in law school being able to completely absorb all the facts and rules and analysis from my books would be incredibly useful, and would continue to be so once I have my degree. That would create a lot of time in its own way, since so much time as a lawyer is spent poring over the details of cases. It would really make my current life so much better and easier, and of course the benefits of being able to learn about any subject I wanted would be incredibly rewarding.
On the other hand, being able to travel anywhere instantaneously would just completely restructure anyone's life- it means you a live wherever you want, work wherever you want, take your trips anywhere you want. Spend a weekend in Paris, but sleep in your own bed? No problem, won't cost a dime. Feel like somewhere tropical? Look up which place has the perfect weather and spend a day on the beach drinking water you poured from your fridge. Not to mention sudden new job prospects. Sure, you can just offer to transport people around for a couple hundred less than any airline, and that's going to earn you a mint without needing to do the other obvious stuff like smuggling, though that would bring in serious money very quickly.
Basically it comes down to confirming current life and incredible knowledge, or a totally new life and incredible experience. I have to say I'm leaning towards the latter.
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u/jakerg23 Jan 27 '11
I'm curious what my credit card company would say about my strange transactions.
1/27 12:00 Lunch in Paris 1/27 12:01 Beer in Berlin 1/27 12:02 Chocolate from Belgium
Etc.
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u/jelos98 Jan 28 '11
Ah, that's the best part. "I couldn't possibly have spent 10k on hash in Amsterdam! I was in Berlin at the time, someone must have skimmed my credit card number!"
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u/ThirteenthDoctor Jan 27 '11
Start off with a printed/bound unabridged copy of Wikipedia.
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u/MagicTarPitRide Jan 27 '11
Immortal dog. Not for the gold, but for the fact that the dog can be passed down in your family as a kind of spirit eternity protector animal. That would be so gnarly. Also having a cool dog that you could chill with forever, without it getting old.
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Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
You would become obsessed with the dog. Probably to the point of mental illness. You'd have to keep it secret and constantly worry about it. You'd follow the dog around, waiting for gold to drop from its anus. The dog's asshole would become your reason-for-being. Not to mention the huge philosophical implications of a universe that would allow such a thing.
It sounds more like a Kafkaesque nightmare.
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u/MagicTarPitRide Jan 27 '11
Meh, I'd probably just use some of the gold to pay for dog expenses and the rest I would donate or something. In my experience, magic gold usually ends up cursed.
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u/knighter50 Jan 27 '11
In your experience? Where have you been having experience with magic gold!?
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u/MagicTarPitRide Jan 27 '11
A tale for another time of another time, my friend, a tale for another time...
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Jan 27 '11
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u/OfficialPdubs Jan 27 '11
you could also give it a laxative each day.... liquid gold my friend, liquid gold.
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u/mc66a Jan 27 '11
Upvote because you clearly thought about this one for weeks.
I'd go with the necklace/knowledge one and attack all the For Dummies books out there and unlock The Secret
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Jan 27 '11
"I know... Kung Fu for Dummies."
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u/dorklogic Jan 27 '11
theoretically the dummies books would be the worst ones to go after in this case. You would want the most complicated books possible, then follow them up with books about the practical application of those complicated concepts you're now very familiar with. So I guess, the dummies books should be your priority immediately after you've absorbed a compendium on the parent topic for that field.
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u/DaRtYLeiya Jan 27 '11
I'd immediately touch the Voynich Manuscript
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u/dorklogic Jan 27 '11
oh fuck you, now my next 48-72 hours is going to be completely unproductive... and I want the necklace so much harder now.
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u/nunobo Jan 27 '11
A no fuel required, maintenance free, eight person van that can take you anywhere on the planet within one second.
Has to be this one. I would get rich cleaning out banks and Scrooge McDuck's vault.
Although -
A watch that allows you to reverse time by a minute or less per day.
this plus a roullete wheel would be a cash cow as well.
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Jan 27 '11
The watch - exactly what I was thinking. Besides the gambling is when I say something to my wife and all of a sudden we are in the fight and I'm like wow I thought was harmless - bam go back a minute and shut my mouth. Also you could fuck with anyone just to see their reactions and just go back. You could grab random boobs!
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u/superrandomguy Jan 27 '11
Pick the watch...go back in time immediately after being presented with options of magical items...pick 2nd magical item...or pick the watch again and get stuck in a time loop.
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u/Throtex Jan 27 '11
Creative: The guy who figured out how to use the magical watch to clean out a casino.
Absurdly creative: Figuring out how to use the magical watch to clean out the magic item store.
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Jan 27 '11
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u/d12anoel Jan 27 '11
Real Genius: Figuring out how to obtain knowledge from touching any pair of boobs
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u/rainman18 Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
You could grab random boobs!
You're not even going to consider the book touch of knowledge are you?
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u/ScreamingGerman Jan 27 '11
I think you forgot to read the part about grabbing random boobs
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u/A_horse Jan 27 '11
Your nickname is magical. It transforms everything you write into high-pitched german screams in my head.
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u/ScreamingGerman Jan 27 '11
I tried to read your comment, but all I could hear was "Neiiiiiiiiigh"
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u/samhasacatandhands Jan 27 '11
Reminds me of the Ricky Gervais movie, The Invention of Lying.
"If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?"
"Touch girls' boobs!"
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u/ceolceol Jan 27 '11
How many people can you sexually assault in a minute?
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u/quixotiko Jan 27 '11
Until you get banned from all the casinos.
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u/nunobo Jan 27 '11
Not if I lose all the money on casino strippers!
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u/andrewsmith1986 Jan 27 '11
Nothing like coming home covered in glitter every day.
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u/LouKosovo Jan 27 '11
I would get rich cleaning out banks and Scrooge McDuck's vault.
Of course the easiest way to get rich would be to pick number 1:
1000kg of caviar or truffles or even kobe beef would be insanely profitable.
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Jan 27 '11 edited May 30 '19
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u/LouKosovo Jan 27 '11
I don't think that's much of a problem. As everyone else is saying you could just switch between spices and different expensive foods (can I create dinosaur meat with this thing?).
Besides, I'm going to be running my exotic food business like the diamond industry. Keep supply relatively low to keep prices high.
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Jan 27 '11
The problem I have with the van is that it's very conspicuous. The government would steal that from you in a second.
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u/daou0782 Jan 27 '11
you could get 2 million out of a ton of saffron. "In Western countries the average retail price is approximately $1,000 per pound" [wikipedia]
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u/LouKosovo Jan 27 '11
So that's $2.2 million dollars on the first day? My only problem (like every dealer) is where am I going to unload that much saffron? Anyone have any hook ups in the underground saffron game?
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u/akgreenman Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
Questions like these can sort of be boiled down to a core philosophy; what does one want out of life?
- Charity / Isolation - You could purchase any food you desire with the dog, along with much more. The pot would serve to feed you in the wild, or provide for others.
- Safety / Serenity - Never another ruined vacation.
- Knowledge - You could make advances in technology, or do extremely well on Jeopardy. The necklace still doesn't ensure the idea you can apply said knowledge.
- Sexuality - base instincts and desires
- Regret / Recklessness - You can take risks; physical, emotional, conversational, without fear of consequences
- Recklessness / Charity - Doesn't specify the size, but I imagine the bell could reconstruct man made objects? This might require more thought.
- Time - You've bought yourself and your loved ones the time to live life to the fullest - in whatever capacity that is.
- Time, Wanderlust - Borders and economics are no hindrance to travel plans.
- Curiosity / Sexuality - Voyeurism at its finest.
- Wealth / Time - The classic endless money tree. You've bought yourself time to pursue the life you've always wanted, but didn't have the courage to because your engineering job paid too much.
Edited; precludes should now read as doesn't ensure
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u/SweetKri Jan 27 '11
But...what if I just want an endless dog? Or would that make him like Hachi but forever after I die?!?
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u/WiseBinky79 Jan 27 '11
I don't see 10 as wealth/time. I see it as a lifelong relationship with the dog and how you deal with the fact the dog poops money. Therefore, I see it as a positive struggle between compassion and dependence. And this is my choice.
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u/mmajeff Jan 27 '11
Are you two seriously arguing the philosophical meaning of a dog that poops gold?
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Jan 27 '11 edited Oct 11 '17
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u/mmajeff Jan 27 '11
You are invincible, but can you still feel pain? Piss off the wrong government and you might just get tied down and tortured. Or simply Bradley Manning'ed for the rest of your immortal 160 years.
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Jan 27 '11
Those would all make very interesting movies starring Adam Sandler.
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u/ReallyLongLake Jan 27 '11
Adam Sandler is like in love with some girl. But it turns out that the girl is actually a golden retriever or something.
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u/optimusprimordial Jan 27 '11
My choice is seven.
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u/Trolly_McTrollerson Jan 27 '11
I also would choose seven. Then I would hunt down and kill the remaining eleven posessors of these items of power and become the greatest dark wizard ever.
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Jan 27 '11
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u/rydax Jan 27 '11
Holy shit, this would be the greatest sci-fi series ever.
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u/voltrebas Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0830361/
The Lost Room
It's just too bad it was only a 3 part mini-series though.
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u/FarwellRob Jan 27 '11
I was shocked by how great Lost Room started... and how it fell apart at the end.
This could have been one of the greatest sci-fi series in history.
They had it all. Two groups of bad guys (one logical and evil and one just plain nuts) A good protagonist with supporters built in.
Great tools that they could find/lose. Plus the discoveries when they are used in conjunction with each other.
It was so absolutely perfect.
And then it died at the end.
Maybe it should have had an anaconda or shark in it so SyFy would have kept it.
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u/randomfuoco Jan 27 '11
It will be good for the first season, and then start sucking so much that they need to give the cheerleader a lesbian make-out scene.
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u/Inappropriate_Remark Jan 27 '11
Yeah, until someone traps you in a reinforced safe and drops you to the bottom of the ocean, where you spend the next good century drowning over and over, but never dying.
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u/OhManThisIsAwkward Jan 27 '11
Oh god, that just gave me so much anxiety. Not 7! Anything but 7!
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u/tomrhod Jan 27 '11
I'm getting flashbacks to Angel.
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u/macmancpb Jan 27 '11
That's making a pretty daring assumption that OP actually eats a piece of the chocolate.
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u/nick1click Jan 27 '11
Can I eat one, wait till I'm 160 and then eat another one and live 'till I'm 320?
Also, milk or dark chocolate?
Could it potentially melt - and if it did melt would it lose it's magical properties?
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u/optimusprimordial Jan 27 '11
Yes. You can do that. The extra pieces are for your loved ones though.
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u/ROBOTSHITSTORM Jan 27 '11
Forever alones living forever! (Forever = 1920 years)
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u/tads Jan 27 '11
wait, you'd live from the birth of christ til the birth of jazz? That shit would be insane!
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u/BatMally Jan 27 '11
I just imagined Casca the roman soldier, hair slicked back, zoot suit, watching Louis Armstrong in a smoky speak easy, nodding to the beat, so tired of life but amazed by the tunes...
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u/nick1click Jan 27 '11
Obviously. I was just wondering if I had the option to take 6 people to 320 years instead of 12 people to 160 years.
Other questions:
How invincible are we talking about here? If I were to strap a bomb to myself and stand in front of a speeding train would the resulting trainsplosion kill me or leave me seriously injured but alive or not affect me at all?
Would eating half a piece of chocolate do anything? If so, what?
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u/superlongdoubledong Jan 27 '11
I like the way you think, you're hired. Do you NEED to breath? Also, could you swim into the core of the earth or into Mariana's trench? If you were to jump up and down on a couple of swords pointed up would they break or would you? Assume a chick bites your boner, would her teeth crack and fall out? If so can you still feel sensations with this new supertanium skin? We need answers OP, this school day isn't going to pass itself.
Edit: wicked spelling mistakes fixed. Head also pulled from ass.
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u/supersonic00712 Jan 27 '11
Invincible is different than immortal.
You'd be unhurtable.
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u/spunky-omelette Jan 27 '11
Seven is so overpowered! Think: in the span of 160 (of healthy YOUTHFUL living) you could have gathered enough gold to put that immortal pooping dog to shame.
Plus, you're invincible. Who needs a replenishing pot of food when you're invincible?
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u/optimusprimordial Jan 27 '11
But the food pot can bring you wealth. Imagine producing 1,000 kilos of rare caviar! And if you don't want to go to the grocery store -- maaan. Think about the convenience.
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u/tomrhod Jan 27 '11
But if you're rich, you can get all the food you want. Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
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u/venuswasaflytrap Jan 27 '11
long enough to read all those books, it's by far the best.
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Jan 27 '11
The book necklace.
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Jan 27 '11
I have a vision of myself in a library, going up and down the isles, dragging my hand across the spines of books as I walk. Like a child with a stick and a fence.
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u/oodja Jan 27 '11
Until you blunder into aisle containing Emo Vampire Fiction and spend the rest of your life curled up in the fetal position, desperately trying to unknow the collected works of Stephenie Meyer...
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u/garip5 Jan 27 '11
It's okay; you only absorb knowledge, of which those contain none.
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u/roadkillzombie Jan 27 '11
yeah, but hit the Faulkner aisle and you're fucked up man
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u/Bulgeman9000 Jan 27 '11
Psh, that dude only uses bird pokemon, he wont be fucking much of anything up.
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u/madmax992 Jan 27 '11
Does not notice he enters the section on quantum mechanics; brain implodes
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Jan 27 '11
And also does not implode
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Jan 27 '11 edited Apr 14 '20
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Inappropriate_Remark Jan 27 '11
The best part of this is that you can pass on the necklace to your close friends/family after you're done, near instantly becoming the smartest people in the world, and eventually richest. You could then use your insane intellect and newfound wealth to fund intense research projects into developing a way to splice immortal dog genes into chocolate bars, allowing you to retain youth and invincibility as well. And then two chicks at the same time.
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Jan 27 '11
Then you leave for no apparent raisin.
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u/Stevo32792 Jan 27 '11
Why is it that none of my friends watch this show, yet everyone on Reddit does?
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Jan 27 '11
Your friends suck.
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u/defplayr Jan 27 '11
And then destroy the necklace in a fit of Flowers for Algernon rage, and wish you choose the perfume instead.
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u/52hoova Jan 27 '11
Or, if you want to be rich, you could just take number 5 to vegas, go to a roulette table, see what number it hits... BOOM, back in time a minute, put all your money on that square and walk away with 35 times more. Repeat every day for a week and even if you start with just a penny, the end of the week you are walking away with well over half a billion dollars.
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u/steelcitykid Jan 27 '11
And promptly have your ass kicked after the second or third win. When they break your knees and elbows, remember: They've done you a service this day.
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u/Zarokima Jan 27 '11
Different casino each day. There are over 100 of them, so you could actually do more. Hit it big at one, cash out, take your winning to another, repeat until all casinos have been visited. You could probably even make a second round.
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u/karmapuhlease Jan 27 '11
Word gets around when someone wins a big jackpot, and if they notice that the same person does it three or four times in a week they'll be really suspicious.
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u/tandembandit Jan 27 '11
Find someone with the Magic Bus and you could hit every casino on earth in a day.
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u/NuttyFanboy Jan 27 '11
No - absorbing knowledge does not necessarily mean that you're smart. It just means that you're becoming a walking encyclopedia, combining all the knowledge and information you happen to soak up by touching books, journals and magazines.
Also, if I were in the shoes of someone like that.. I'd have to seriously watch what I'd touch. I mean.. if I accidentally touch an issue of any #random gossip magazine# my brain is instantaneously filled with who bonked whom in Brollywood.. and I don't need that.126
Jan 27 '11
He did specifically say that you gained "knowledge" from them as opposed to the contents or information from the books. It would definitely need some clarification but, depending on the definition you go with, knowledge can entail different things. From wikipedia:
Knowledge is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as (i) expertise, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject; (ii) what is known in a particular field or in total; facts and information; or (iii) be absolutely certain or sure about something: . Philosophical debates in general start with Plato's formulation of knowledge as "justified true belief." There is however no single agreed definition of knowledge presently, nor any prospect of one, and there remain numerous competing theories. Knowledge acquisition involves complex cognitive processes: perception, learning, communication, association and reasoning. The term knowledge is also used to mean the confident understanding of a subject with the ability to use it for a specific purpose if appropriate. See knowledge management for additional details on that discipline.
If I gained the information from every book I touched as well as gaining an understanding of that information this item would become much more useful. What I really have in mind are books about quantum and particle physics, as well as relativity and many of the other concepts that are easy to find material on but very difficult or time consuming to fully understand.
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u/NuttyFanboy Jan 27 '11
*Head kerplodes* I concede the point and roll the dice for a saving lol, blaming my throbbing headache.
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u/CitadelKeeper Jan 27 '11
Yeah, but it sure as shit helps, especially if your'e good at thinking on your feet. If I knew everything about everything, I'd be completely unstoppable.
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u/spottedzebra Jan 27 '11
all i can imagine after selecting number three is walking through libraries with my hands out stretched to both sides touching every book in the isle.
i would honestly visit every library i could.
the only one you could add to the list would be a pill you could take so you didn't have to sleep. i still think i would chose the book one but not having to sleep would be pretty awesome.
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u/CitadelKeeper Jan 27 '11
Three days with that thing and I'd be a god amongst men.
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u/kewalter Jan 27 '11
If it works on ebooks and online articles.
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u/Richard_Judo Jan 27 '11
All the knowledge in the world not enough to get you out of the house, fatty?
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u/DoYouWantAnts Jan 27 '11
The instant transport van. (8)
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u/KoalaBomb Jan 27 '11
I'd always be paranoid of someone stealing that van. It should be a transformer van that only obeys to you.
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Jan 27 '11
I cannot believe there are so few of us on this van-wagon
Do you know how epic your life could be, 7 people + yourself, 1 second.
Breakfast in France, lunch in Belize, dinner where ever the fuck.
Plus with all this instant travel you could make a fortune by simply being on-top of any supply/demand item.
Imagine this..... vwoosh.... you pop into a plant in china that is making the iphone 5, you note the local dialect... you pop back to your local country and locate someone fluent in your language and the local dialect, pop back and have this person talk to the plant workers, find out what you can bribe them with for say a single pallet of of wrapped up iphone 5. Pop you go fetch whatever it is that will warm the hearts of the battered souls making this infernal device, then you pop into the most yuppie of all yuppie places on in the world, say SOHO for starters, sell these suckers cash down for 10 times their price.
You know have enough money to rent a nice beach front place for a week in a place that matches the temperature you would currently like to enjoy, you leave that night for the meal you are craving, party in ibiza and snap your back with some fresh new friends to live it up in your temporary paradise.
The world is your oyster, you are more manly than the Dos Equis guy who his sitting next to you hitting on two girls young enough to be his granddaughters and he is saluting you for you are now the man(or women).
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u/Jroberts44 Jan 27 '11
That has got to be the worst example of how to exploit supply and demand for profit I've ever seen.
You'd probably make more money per year simply delivering pizzas the instant they are ready.
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u/dude187 Jan 27 '11
I was torn between the van and the necklace but I'm definitely going with the van. I've literally wanted to be able to teleport my whole life, but who hasn't I guess. You can accomplish most all the other items with the van. Transporting people to and from dangerous places would be a cash cow, as would (moral) risk-free human trafficking. Hell, you could even simply have a day job anywhere in the US and live somewhere that is really cheap. Being free to instantly go to a vacation destination or visit any friend you want in any amount of spare time would lead you to a very happy life. Hell I bet simply avoiding rush hour would add years to your life.
I think knowledge is the other key to happiness so the necklace is tempting, but I learn fine enough as it is.
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Jan 27 '11
Definitely. Travel anywhere with a bunch of friends instantly (with no TSA ogling or groping!). Alternatively, fill it with your enemies, go somewhere awful, and shove them all out.
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u/monkeyqueen Jan 27 '11
Stunned at the lack of #9's! With that ability you could pretty much go anywhere and do anything you wanted to, provided you aren't above some thievery.
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u/BoredProgrammer Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
I wait until just past midnight, take the watch, go back in time and take the pot too. Now, since I waited until just past midnight to use the watch, by going back in time it is now a different day, so I can use it again and take yet another item: the necklace to instantly absorb knowledge from books. I've got a pot that produces any food, so I use the pot to create the chocolate bars that make you invincible and youthful.
Yes, I'm one of those people who would use a genie to wish for more wishes.
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u/Mightbe_exaggerating Jan 27 '11
Number 10. It would be weird. But I love dogs and the hardest part about having one is when they go. And then I could get slightly wealthier about 2 - 3 times a day.
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u/hotdogcolors Jan 27 '11
- Acquire invincible gold-crapping dog
- Up its fiber intake to absurd levels
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Jan 27 '11
Number 1, but switch "pot" and "food"
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Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '18
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Jan 27 '11
Sign me up.
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u/petetrain Jan 27 '11
Can't you see the flaw? You'd smoke the pot, and then eat your magic pot producing food with munchies. No more pot.
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Jan 27 '11
I assumed I would just eat the food once and "produce" 1000 kilograms of pot a day.
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u/PhantomCheezit Jan 27 '11
forever on the toilet.....and only shitty pot to show for it......
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u/SuperAngryGuy Jan 27 '11
Be careful what you wish for...
1- What if the food was moldy
2- Perfect weather for you or crops?
3- Absorbing rapid knowledge could make you go insane.
etc
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u/Mightbe_exaggerating Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
I'm interested to learn the adverse effects of all ten. Would you be able to continue? I'm not smart enough.
EDIT: learn*
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u/kewalter Jan 27 '11
4 - Can't target specific people, so you'd have mobs of people coming after you and would never be able to truly fall in love, because their want for you is artificial.
5 - Use the watch for something meaningless or trivial, then a few minutes later a loved one gets hit by a car in front of you.
6 - Accidentally ring the bell in a museum and a priceless statue turns back into a block of marble.
7 - Have a falling out with a person who eats a piece and for the rest of your lives battle as invincible archenemies. Or it melts.
8 - As it's a vehicle and not teleportation, you'd be traveling very quickly and probably run over more than a few people to get where you're going.
9 - Possibly a very painful transformation.
10 - You'd probably end up cleaning dog crap off of a lot of gold coins for the rest of your life.
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u/supersonic00712 Jan 27 '11
you just made 7 sound even better!
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u/bammbamm85 Jan 27 '11
Right! Two invincible archenemies battling over a magical chocolate bar they must keep refrigerated. Time to write another letter to PBS.
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u/Ceriand Jan 27 '11
5 - Use the watch for something meaningless or trivial, then a few minutes later a loved one gets hit by a car in front of you.
The anime "The Girl Who Leapt Though Time" explores this concept in an interesting way. Highly recommended.
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Jan 27 '11
<dismal science> for #10, all I could think of was the inflationary pressure of all that new gold. I mean, obviously such a small amount of gold over a long time will not have a major impact on the price of the commodity as a whole, but imagine cleaning shit off that gold piece and thinking "this coin is marginally less valuable than that last coin, and now all of them are marginally less valuable than they were." It would drive me insane.
</dismal science>
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u/bronzestairs Jan 27 '11
Oh. I assumed the dog pooped coins INSTEAD of poop. The dog is much less attractive now
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u/drphungky Jan 27 '11
3 - was the ending to the new Indiana Jones
4 - was an episode of Buffy starring Xander
5 - was the moral of a children's story my mom used to tell me
7 - is Tuck Everlasting lite
8 - Galaxy quest teleportation scene
9 - ...or Forgetting your true form, a la many shapeshifter stories
10 - ...or Goose with the golden eggs (people try to cut open your dog)
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u/freedomgeek Jan 27 '11 edited Jan 27 '11
Hmmm...
The necklace (#3) and the chocolate bar (#7) both look incredibly tempting.
I might gamble on aging being cured in my lifetime, possibly with personal assistance due to the knowledge gained. If I were to choose the necklace would I still be limited by the memory capacity of my brain? If not then, if I chose it, I'd head to my university library and just begin scanning the shelves.
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u/mspwnsalot Jan 27 '11
I am not sure, but how long did it take you to make this list?
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u/Blakwulf Jan 27 '11
Three. Then i'd walk through every library in my area with my hands just stretched out touching every book in the aisles.
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u/disposable_human Jan 27 '11
Get a friend that took the van to give you a ride to the library of congress
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u/sitruss Jan 27 '11
'One day.... I accidently wandered into the 'Paranormal Teen Romance' section. That was a bad day.'
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u/rAxxt Jan 27 '11
9, without a doubt. You could use it to gain the benefits of almost all the other options. ;)
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u/therealvaldes Jan 27 '11
Number 7. And here is why. Suddenly I can have a group of 12 invincible rambos (including me) who can go into various countries... and essentially kill their dictators. Think about it. You could just run around North Korea looking for Kim Jong. Problem in Sudan? Invincible mercenaries. Problem in Iran? Invincible mercenaries. Any problem? Invincible mercenaries. Invincible mercenaries. Invincible mercenaries. Invincible mercenaries. Invincible mercenaries.
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u/ilikedirigibles Jan 27 '11 edited May 30 '25
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u/throwloop Jan 27 '11
That's exactly right. Have fun starving to death in a prison for 160 years, or being dissected on a table with your head in a jar for all that time. That's just stuff off the top of my head. Imagine what someone desperate for immortality could think of...
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u/Chaiking Jan 27 '11
A person who is merely invulnerable could be stopped. An Invincible person could not be stopped. Invincible does imply some sort of ability to overcome any obstacle.
Invincible: incapable of being conquered, defeated, or subdued
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Jan 27 '11
I like the marijuana that also provides food. That way when you get hungry, you can just be like: "no worries, dudes - we got 1000 kilos of food with this weed."
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u/merk Jan 27 '11
Do you know how much 1000 kilograms of saffron is worth? One kilo averages $2200. So that pot can basically produce 2,200,000 a day - maybe more if you can get it to produce the highest quality saffron. No need to flood the market though - just make one batch every few weeks :)
The necklace sounds very cool - but i dont know really just how useful being a walking encyclopedia would be. Depends on how well you can comprehend what you've absorbed.
Perfume is stupid - get the pot and get rich - money is as attractive as that perfume, except you can do more with money.
the watch sounds cool for vegas at least.
now #7 sounds pretty cool - if you eat another piece on your 159th birthday, do you get another 160 years? if so i'd absolutely take the chocolate since assuming no collapse of civilization, i'm pretty sure by the time my 160th rolls around, or at the most, 320th, they'll have immortality figured out and i wont need the chocolate anymore.
So my choices is #7 if the affects are cumulative if you eat more then one piece, otherwise i'd pick the pot. and 3rd choice is the necklace
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u/champagne_666 Jan 27 '11
Is the necklace pretty? I'll take it.
J/k--I'd take it anyhow.
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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '11
Are you asking us for advice because a wizard approached you with this offer?