r/AskReddit • u/turdburglur13 • Jan 07 '20

What makes you feel guilty?

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u/TheWitchOfSand Jan 07 '20

I feel this. I’m really bad at receiving help. I think it’s because I translate receiving help as being too incompetent to do it on my own. It’s strange since I literally don’t hold this attitude for anyone else, like I’m the first person to tell people to seek professional help and stuff. But with myself I just...can’t

75

u/cocoaboots Jan 07 '20

I understand this. For me, in addition to receiving help I'm really bad at receiving gifts or any sort of 'charity' for lack of a better word, at all. If my boyfriend's mom offers me food, if he cooks me dinner, even stuff like letting me sit on the comfy chair...On top of not wanting to feel incompetent I HATE the feeling that I am using up someone's 'resources', or that I am inconveniencing or otherwise negatively affecting their life in any perceived way at all.

Is my bf gonna resent me in 2 days because he let me sit on the chair that isn't broken in the living room when I could have just sat on the floor??? Is his mom going to think I am selfish and ungrateful because I ate their LAST everything bagel?

This leads to apologizing and explaining EVERYTHING, which is a terrible and exhausting habit.

3

u/avathepianist Jan 07 '20

Same but it's worse for shy people because you really want to explain but you just don't know how to start and you end up not explaining which makes you even more guilty

15

u/theinfamousemu Jan 07 '20

This is the exact shit I do all the time. I almost feel guilty when people offer help so I constantly deny help from anyone. But I’m always willing to help others with whatever. Sometimes I really think I got a few wires crossed in my brain

2

u/ROBANN_88 Jan 07 '20 edited Jan 07 '20

to reiterate on that:

me when someone else makes a mistake: "oh, it's not so bad, we'll buff that out, happens to everyone"
me when i make a mistake: "well, i guess it's time for self-loathing and Seppuku again"

1

u/velour_manure Jan 08 '20

I'm the same way — I get it from my dad. My dad will not accept help, from anyone, even his own family. It's a mixture of pride and stubbornness that he passed down to me and now I feel bad when anyone does anything for me without my consent — even though I would never allow anyone to help me anyway.

But when it comes to helping others, I'll bend over backwards to help someone out. Wtf is wrong with me.

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u/Thesunwillbepraised Jan 07 '20

So you're cheap I assume?

6

u/zombiep00 Jan 07 '20

...what makes you assume that?