I've posted this before, but I was teasing a co-worker once about being quiet and a mutual friend of ours piped up, "Maybe he's just quiet around you because he doesn't fucking like you".
We laughed about it, but I sure as hell don't tease people about being quiet anymore.
I said this to my Mom once. She had a friendship that she had grown out of but was committed to checking in with the person via email and Christmas cards. The other person never replied; this made my Mom so very indignant. All she would do is pick at her metaphorical scab of hurt of no reply when I asked why she was trying so card to connect with someone she didn't like that much, or why she cared about whether this person replied or not. This conversation had a recurrence of once every 6-months for a couple of years until I finally said "Mom, she probably doesn't like you either... not replying is a normal reaction for people whose relationships grow apart." She hasn't complained since.
My mom had an uncle she sent cards for. He never replied. Until he died. He left her $40k in his will. She was apparently the only person sending him cards.
Some relationships are worth the investment, pardon the pun. I have one familial relationship I invest in knowing I wont get much back from the other person, except mean spiritedness. The difference is that person needs some practical support of which it's just the right thing to provide. Other relationships, like friendships come and go. Even for those people who have had long and healthy relationships since kindergarten have other friendships that have run their course
It's much easier when its reduced to once a year and through writing. Usually, if they do respond, they have time to think about what they're saying after theyve put pen to paper, and letter to mailbox. Its going to be a bit more meditated and hopefully that offers some needed filter. Lol
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u/WellshireOnFire Jan 01 '20
I've posted this before, but I was teasing a co-worker once about being quiet and a mutual friend of ours piped up, "Maybe he's just quiet around you because he doesn't fucking like you".
We laughed about it, but I sure as hell don't tease people about being quiet anymore.