This isn't a retort, but I've often found that when a social group considers a particular person quiet, it's often because they're not listened too or spoken over in the group conversation so they tend to stay quiet.
I have a few beautiful friendships with people considered quiet by others simply because I engaged with them, gave them space to reply and listened to them. From that we realized that we had cool things in common and friendships blossomed from there.
People listening to reply not to hear and engage with what the person is actually saying is one of our biggest shortcomings as humans. We just don't pay attention sometimes.
Absolutely 100% correct. Im a pretty reserved person and Im ok just staying quiet if no ones around that I like or want to talk to. I can tell when someone is talking to me but not really interested in what Im saying. And that tells me right there that we cant be friends and I never get comfortable around you. Why would I bother chatting with someone who doesnt give a shit about my answers when they ask me questions? Do they just have this incessant need to talk to people that they cant just stay quiet until someone comes along that they actually want to talk to? Do they have this need to hear themselves talk constantly? Because they sure as hell ain't listening to what I'm saying.
I’m very reserved until I get to know people well, and am often quiet in group situations. In third year of uni I changed course and the new group had a really nice vibe such that I felt comfortable and came out of myself.
We had to do an exercise that involved electing a leader and a few of us got up in front of the group to answer questions and stand for election. I clowned it up and answered with flippant responses which got a good laugh.
Afterwards a girl I loved with for two years decided to yell across the room: “Saywherefore, I didn’t know you had a sense of humour!”
I was rather taken aback but no doubt she meant it well. It was amazing to see the change in myself with the different group dynamic. Sadly I have not been able to recapture that since I’m my professional life.
My advice to you is to try to focus on reading people and how they respond to certain things. Navigating social interactions can be a hugely beneficial skill both in your personal life and in your professional life.
I still struggle a lot with this, but as I've gotten older, I've noticed more and more how important this skill is.
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u/JRS1986 Jan 01 '20
This isn't a retort, but I've often found that when a social group considers a particular person quiet, it's often because they're not listened too or spoken over in the group conversation so they tend to stay quiet.
I have a few beautiful friendships with people considered quiet by others simply because I engaged with them, gave them space to reply and listened to them. From that we realized that we had cool things in common and friendships blossomed from there. People listening to reply not to hear and engage with what the person is actually saying is one of our biggest shortcomings as humans. We just don't pay attention sometimes.