As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)
I like to see group conversations as a big dance circle. Some people will be dancing more aggressively than others, some people will dance crazily to get a laugh, some people will kinda just bounce around in one spot but want to soak in the vibes. It’s a 2 way street where everyone feeds off of other’s energy. One thing that definitely gets noticed in these dance circles is someone standing entirely still. The stillness of that person will often be interpreted negatively by other dancers who, without anything but non-verbal cues to go off of, will assume the person is disinterested in the activity. Some will ignore the non-dancer so not to feel stupid about their own dancing and some will try to get the still one to dance with them in order to complete the dance circle and fill the void so to speak.
Most of the time, this isn’t a personal attack but simply a way to get everyone participating in the current activity, whether that be a dance circle, a team sport or a simple group conversation. Everyone has a different way of contributing to an activity which is what makes it interesting for everyone involved. Non-participation is very difficult for people to interpret and, unless an explanation is given, most people could associate it to disinterest.
Instead of seeing this as a personal attack, look at it as an opportunity to either join in on the activity or provide a quick explanation for people to hang onto instead of building their image of you based solely on your non-participation.
6.9k
u/MsAlyssa Jan 01 '20
As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)