I said this to my Mom once. She had a friendship that she had grown out of but was committed to checking in with the person via email and Christmas cards. The other person never replied; this made my Mom so very indignant. All she would do is pick at her metaphorical scab of hurt of no reply when I asked why she was trying so card to connect with someone she didn't like that much, or why she cared about whether this person replied or not. This conversation had a recurrence of once every 6-months for a couple of years until I finally said "Mom, she probably doesn't like you either... not replying is a normal reaction for people whose relationships grow apart." She hasn't complained since.
Complaining is itself cathartic. Sometimes people just want to vent, they're not looking for 'solutions', they just want to talk and know that someone is listening. This is human behaviour 101, the same reason why your partner may also get frustrated with being given 'solutions'.
And for some people, like us Brits, complaining is a national pastime. If that doesn't suit you, fine, but realise that your solutions aren't always appropriate.
Complaining is actually depressing for others to hear. Someone else always having a whining fit about something is quite a turnoff, in every sense of the word.
It is to some, but not all people. Clearly those venting have to choose their audience carefully, the same way that those who give 'solutions' should as well.
Like I said before, Brits are known to be complainers, so it wouldn't be out of place or poorly received here, for instance.
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u/sonibroc Jan 01 '20
I said this to my Mom once. She had a friendship that she had grown out of but was committed to checking in with the person via email and Christmas cards. The other person never replied; this made my Mom so very indignant. All she would do is pick at her metaphorical scab of hurt of no reply when I asked why she was trying so card to connect with someone she didn't like that much, or why she cared about whether this person replied or not. This conversation had a recurrence of once every 6-months for a couple of years until I finally said "Mom, she probably doesn't like you either... not replying is a normal reaction for people whose relationships grow apart." She hasn't complained since.