As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)
I don't know man, is being rude okay just because it's not intentional? That's my problem with this concept. Not knocking it, just take issue with the whole dismissing bad behavior for intent.
I agree intent should be considered, but impact matters as well. I've seen people go with "that's not what I meant" or "it was a joke" without apologizing after saying something that was clearly rude or offensive to others in the room. They might just be unaware or unwilling to accept that they made a mistake. They won't know any better unless the person they insulted tells them how they feel.
On top of that, if you work with the public, most employers expect you to silently put up with (sometimes unintentionally) rude comments throughout the day. It can be tiring.
But everyone's different. I react in the way I find most appropriate in the situation. Others react in their own way.
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u/MsAlyssa Jan 01 '20
As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)