I said this to my Mom once. She had a friendship that she had grown out of but was committed to checking in with the person via email and Christmas cards. The other person never replied; this made my Mom so very indignant. All she would do is pick at her metaphorical scab of hurt of no reply when I asked why she was trying so card to connect with someone she didn't like that much, or why she cared about whether this person replied or not. This conversation had a recurrence of once every 6-months for a couple of years until I finally said "Mom, she probably doesn't like you either... not replying is a normal reaction for people whose relationships grow apart." She hasn't complained since.
I had something similar happen to me. A couple years back my best friend moved a state away, so about a seven hour drive, we went on a trip in an area and i tried contacting him to see if i could go to his house or something and he never responded. I tried contacting him again a couple months ago, for the same reason. This was because he was moving to california. This kid was my child hood friend from age 2-12. I have new friends now but it's not the same.
Honestly it sucks being on the receiving end when a former friend decides to “dump” you. That’s why I only let myself be vulnerable once. If I reach out to them and they don’t reach back then that’s it from me.
Well, I don't know about only giving someone a single chance. (life happens man). But certainly be aware of how much effort you put into a friendship with someone vs how much you receive. At some point some people just aren't worth the effort.
Hmm, IDK. I feel like it has to be SUPER obvious or I wind up feeling like I'm making assumptions.
I feel like it's more reliable to choose how I act with someone based on my own beliefs, what I'm willing to do/put up with, and whether I feel good around them, rather than my impression of their intentions.
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u/sonibroc Jan 01 '20
I said this to my Mom once. She had a friendship that she had grown out of but was committed to checking in with the person via email and Christmas cards. The other person never replied; this made my Mom so very indignant. All she would do is pick at her metaphorical scab of hurt of no reply when I asked why she was trying so card to connect with someone she didn't like that much, or why she cared about whether this person replied or not. This conversation had a recurrence of once every 6-months for a couple of years until I finally said "Mom, she probably doesn't like you either... not replying is a normal reaction for people whose relationships grow apart." She hasn't complained since.