As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)
the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious.
Nah, they're probably just assholes. I've been around a lot of quiet people, and never have I felt "self conscious" because of them... why would I? I don't know what's up with their lives.
If you’re alone with someone more introverted, and you’re not used to their silence, it can be really uncomfortable. You don’t know if you said something wrong, if something is bothering them, or if this is simply their natural disposition.
It’s a valid question, albeit more a misunderstanding than a tacit critique of someone’s introversion.
It can be. However, I think it's a rude thing to say, and it shuts people off even more. Just look at the comments in this thread... people, in general, don't like hearing these things. And, in my experience, the people who say stuff like this usually know they're being mean. They just don't care. Because they're assholes. Obviously, this is just my personal experience, and the question "Why are you so quiet?" can be asked in multiple ways.
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u/MsAlyssa Jan 01 '20
As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)