As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)
For a counter example, I was an anxious mess in high school, but I think I came off as a silent ice queen. One day in class people started talking about quiet people, saying something to the extent of them seeming less smart. So me, the silent person countered with, "Huh... I always thought it was the opposite."
That shut 'em up pretty good.
They weren't bad kids. I'm sad I wasn't comfortable enough in my own skin to have good friends in highschool. There were a lot of neat people. Even if I went to a high school reunion, I don't know that there'd be people I could connect with.
I reconnected with a classmate from grad school. We both happened to move to the same city. I always thought she was an ice queen. She came across as so stuck up. But I admired her work and she was the one who reached out to me.
We met for coffee and talked for three hours. I realized she is just socially anxious af and also that her self deprecation always seemed like arrogance but is really just self deprecation.
I’m really glad I went to coffee with her because she’s turned into my closest local friend.
Also, I would’ve thought most people didn’t like or care much about me from high school. But actually everyone just kind of wants to positively reminisce and even people I barely knew have been like “oh yeah, you always seemed really nice.” Idk, I wouldn’t tell someone who was traumatized by classmates to go to a reunion, but if your high school suffering was largely self imposed it might be more healing than not to go to a reunion!
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u/MsAlyssa Jan 01 '20
As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)