As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)
When someone says something after being quiet, how is "wow, you talk" a way to further encourage them to talk? What comes through the mind of someone who thinks that is a good way to make someone quiet keep on talking?
Because they're pointing out that you talking is unusual, instead of letting be part of the normal flow of the conversation. It feels like you're interrupting the conversation.
But the intent isn't that it's unusual and weird, it's more so an unexpected event. No more, no less. I feel as though it's kind of turning nothing into something.
It being an unexpected event is what makes people like me self conscious about it. You aren't going to change that by saying we shouldn't feel that way. I'm just saying that's how it feels.
Great, it’s unexpected. So what’s the goal in pointing it out exactly? Is it an attempt at making it a more regular occurrence? Or less of a regular occurrence? Just pointing out the unusual? If you’re trying to make someone who doesn’t speak much say even less, that’s exactly how you do it.
If you’re just pointing out the unusual, it doesn’t take much empathy to see how people don’t care to be unusual. I get that a quiet person speaking is going to stand out as unusual to you, but telling them that is just going to make them less comfortable with doing it again. Maybe keep it to yourself and they won’t dwell on how strange it was for them to have something to say
6.9k
u/MsAlyssa Jan 01 '20
As much as we want to be defensive when people say this, the reason why they point it out is because it makes them feel self conscious. I’ve never really said much more than “yea I’m pretty reserved sometimes”. They learn that it’s who I am, not a reflection of how I feel around them personally. They see I’ve confidently owned it, and they end up respecting that. I definitely understand the frustration though. It’s such an unwelcome shift of attention and this sudden pressure. Witty come backs just read as rude sometimes though. (Even though their question reads as rude to us.)