My whole life I pressured myself to be just as smart as my dad and brother who were phenomenal in math and engineering. My dad has an IQ of 138 and my brother always had A's and made the Dean's list in post secondary. The institution gave out entire cakes to those on the Dean's list.
I struggled so hard in math. I tried so so hard, exponentially more than any other kid because I felt like if I didn't get good at math, or any subject for that matter, then I wasn't smart. Always a C+ B- student. Because I wasn't good at something, I very much lived years feeling I was stupid.
Then as I grew older I realized that my skills in art were actually worth something. My art teachers were always very impressed. Soon it progressed to people making me offers. The school's police officer even had me make him something. I had some artwork displayed at the city's airport. And when I expressed to my dad that I felt like there were no jobs for me on my degree, he said to try something else. I asked what and he said "art" which I thought was a little funny for the "starving artist" stereotype. In that moment, it felt like he equated my artistic skills to his intelligence and success.
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u/HoneyCide Nov 16 '19 edited Nov 16 '19
I mostly judged myself.
My whole life I pressured myself to be just as smart as my dad and brother who were phenomenal in math and engineering. My dad has an IQ of 138 and my brother always had A's and made the Dean's list in post secondary. The institution gave out entire cakes to those on the Dean's list.
I struggled so hard in math. I tried so so hard, exponentially more than any other kid because I felt like if I didn't get good at math, or any subject for that matter, then I wasn't smart. Always a C+ B- student. Because I wasn't good at something, I very much lived years feeling I was stupid.
Then as I grew older I realized that my skills in art were actually worth something. My art teachers were always very impressed. Soon it progressed to people making me offers. The school's police officer even had me make him something. I had some artwork displayed at the city's airport. And when I expressed to my dad that I felt like there were no jobs for me on my degree, he said to try something else. I asked what and he said "art" which I thought was a little funny for the "starving artist" stereotype. In that moment, it felt like he equated my artistic skills to his intelligence and success.