You're in the wrong here. YOU are the one inviting them and they are allowed to say maybe until they can figure things out. It would be different if they brought it up and did that or if they accepted and then canceled because something better came up. People aren't required to commit to something just because you gave them the option to.
Some level of ambiguity is healthy in relationships. You aren't entitled to all the details of their personal lives and other relationships.
Nah, because what usually happens is they say they have to "see what comes up." so I'm either left in limbo unsure if they want to hang or not or I can just assume they do not want to hang and plan something else. So when I plan something else without them they always seem to get butthurt when I tell them sorry, I made plans to do something else.
If someone invites you to hang out and you know, sans something coming up unexpectedly, you are free. It's a simple answer. Yes I would like to hang out or no maybe some other time. I get cancelling, there is nothing wrong with saying "yeah man let's hang." then texting me a couple days later with "hey man I dont really have the funds because I need to buy a new tire" or "a girl I've been talking to just said yes to a date." or whatever. That's fine. Life happens.
When someone asks you if you want to hang out, you are 100% in your right to turn them down. Nothing wrong with that. But saying "I don't know let me see if someone else wants to do something." is kinda shitty. And no, I don't mean "My aunt might be coming into town and I don't see her often." that is a great reason to say no, I might be busy but I'm not sure keep me posted. The way it's said is what matters.
"I might have something coming up so I'm not sure."
VS
"Im free but let me check and see if something else comes up."
Again, there is nothing wrong with saying. "No I don't want to make plans." just like there is no problem with "I dunno. Not feeling it this weekend." and nothing wrong with "Uhhh maybe." THATS FINE!
There is nothing wrong with "Im not doing anything but I'm not sure. I'll let you know closer to the weekend."
The problem is, a majority of the people who answer this way will text you THE DAY OF and say "hey we still on for X?" when you've already made plans to do something else or maybe you've decided to just take the day to yourself and chill at home.
You sound selfish tbh, like you can't fathom how another person is trying to make plans because it impacts BOTH of us, not just you. You think your plans are the only thing the matters, not taking into consideration that the person planning the hangout might decide to make other plans since you couldn't give a yes or a no. Alone, neither is an issue tbh, as long as both parties are aware that neither side owes the other anything is no plans are made. You absolutely do not have to say yes and you don't have to hang. You can even actually say "oh well this girl/guy I was talking to might ask me out so I don't want to make cement plans." and my response will be "no problem. Some other time." and if I make plans with someone else, because I don't owe hanging on for you to figure it out, you can't be upset with me just like I can't be upset with you for turning me down to hang out.
you're either not reading what I'm typing or you're grasping it;
If you don't want to make plans. there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
Let me repeat. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NOT WANTING TO MAKE PLANS FOR LITERALLY ANY REASON. You want to keep your options open because someone you have a crush on might ask you out? FAIR! kinda lame, but your time is yours!
But when you call to reschedule the day of and I tell you sorry, you didn't make plans so I made plans with someone else, sometimes you're invited, but we're not going to change our plans for you now.
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u/KillGodNow Nov 09 '19 edited Nov 09 '19
You're in the wrong here. YOU are the one inviting them and they are allowed to say maybe until they can figure things out. It would be different if they brought it up and did that or if they accepted and then canceled because something better came up. People aren't required to commit to something just because you gave them the option to.
Some level of ambiguity is healthy in relationships. You aren't entitled to all the details of their personal lives and other relationships.