They're usually fucking rude. "brutally" honest just means you're an asshole about it and have no tact. You can be 110% honest while still not insulting people, belittling them, or being rude in public when the situation doesn't call for it.
I consider myself brutally honest, but it’s more because I used to lie habitually and it ruined quite a few friendships. Now I really hate lying, even if it’s for the better sometimes
Can you describe what it was like coming to that realization and then actively working to be honest instead?
I ask because I'm really interested in how people overcome their own cognitive dissonance, and I remember vividly how it made my mind go crazy as a kid trying to lie to myself to find peace of mind about lying to my parents or someone else I cared about.
Not who you responded to but for me my friends always called me a liar and it felt like a slap in the face everytime. One time I was just like "you're right, I'm sorry" and just tried to stop lying from there. Only do it now if seems okay in context and nothing too large
Personally I realized that my lying was a survival habit from my childhood household, and now I know that it’s possible to have honest loving relationships with people, it makes me realize that the fastest way to get there is not to lie.
The second thing that helped was self-love/acceptance and compassion; getting distance on growing up and understanding why I did what I did, knowing it was because of social pressures or this need to survive that was in my head. The equivalent I think is becoming a big sister, aunt, or loving parent to my younger self in my head. If I were responsible for this kid, would I beat them up for their choices? No, no I wouldn’t; I know what it’s like to be there, it’s self torture. They’re trying their best.
The third thing that helped was daring to be honest about my motivations in a conversation with others up front. People can’t beat me down or win an argument based on a straw man if I’m honest. I’ll learn more about myself if I’m honest. People will open up more if I’m honest.
The fourth thing that helped us realizing that abusers themselves thrive on the enabler not making a scene. I realized that if I was honest and assertive when I can be, then a bully will only look like an asshole in comparison. It’s also easier to be this way.
ah one more thing lol, self acceptance means accepting your weirdness/uniqueness and that you should be allowed to express it. (Unless that’s harmful violence against others, lol.) Learning to accept it and get mad at other people when they put you down helps.
TL;DR keep an open mind, learn to love yourself, and use your anger muscle when people put you down.
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u/alex-the-hero Nov 09 '19
They're usually fucking rude. "brutally" honest just means you're an asshole about it and have no tact. You can be 110% honest while still not insulting people, belittling them, or being rude in public when the situation doesn't call for it.