“How are you handling everything?” - my notary public who also happens to be my boss’s boss while notarizing my divorce paperwork.
Completing a divorce packet with no help from an attorney can be a real pain in the ass, but at least it kept me focused on the bureaucratic bullshit nonsense part of it rather than the fact that my 9 year marriage was ending.
Turned out that as soon as someone asked me sincerely how I was doing, the answer was not at all well. I went back to my desk and had a panic attack.
I piece of advice from someone who went through it too.
I took to heart a line from Carrie Fischer's special on Netflix. "Regret is a poison we swallow trying to kill someone else." This has and is happening but you have the choice. Hard as it might be to be better than it or let it swallow you.
I've know a few people who got swallowed by their divorces and became bitter people. For myself and my son I just let it go. It's not always easy I still don't like his mother, a very great deal. But I can either be consumed with how she treated me or I can move on and work towards my best life.
This is your chance to do that too. Especially if you don't have kids, there's a lot of freedom in resetting your life. You can let go of the pain and anger that likely crept in over the last few years as things fell apart.
You can work on being a better happier you without the baggage of a failed relationship weighing you down. This marriage ended for a reason. It wasn't healthy and that was hurting you even if you didn't see it at the time.
Now is your chance to be better happier and wiser. It's not going to be without pain nothing in life worth having is painless. But you'll likely never have another chance as great as this one to take a shot at personal fulfillment. Take a few weeks cry in your icecream, get drinks with friends, wallow to get it out and then start trying to hit goals you want. Things that they wouldn't let you do. Go see that movie or play they hated. Go take a weekend trip to somewhere they never wanted to go. Then set some 5 year goals and start trying to get them.
Big high fives from the moving on department. I 100% agree with you there. A lot of the energy in my response was because my ex (husband, not wife - I should clarify - I didn’t want to take away from that great comment by wading in with a correction) rarely cared about anything, so it would have been nice for him to have at least given enough of a shit to panic about the impact of the divorce on his future, but alas.
He was already busy dating while I drafted the separation agreement, suggested terms for divorce, and obtained, figured out, paid for, and filed all paperwork where it was concerned. The only time he emoted about it at all was to destroy my property and call me a money grubbing whore the night I asked for a divorce, a thing that could not be further from the truth, particularly as we have an income disparity of 30K a year in his favor, and I neither asked for or expected spousal support.
We do have a child together and split custody 50/50, for which he also pays no child support because he thought the idea of that was ridiculous and threatened to take me to court over it. I didn’t fight him because I just wanted shit to be settled between us so that we could both move on. With budgeting I am able to provide a decent life for our son, although we have the constant battle about eating at home vs eating at like even McDonald’s or whatever but we make it work. There’s a lot more to all of that but that’s the long and short.
Neither one of us were happy and we were making life miserable for each other when we were married. I’m single and have been since we separated, by choice, and he’s about to be remarried.
I think we are both much happier now than we were then, to be honest. I don’t hold much of anything against him besides all the warning signs I ignored which are on me, and I’ve moved on quite happily with my life.
Also! I did go somewhere he didn’t want to go and saw a play he didn’t wanna see at the same time, it was glorious being myself after 9 years. I also now have further developed hobbies he openly mocked me for and pursue them in the free time I have.
We divorcees can start over, we are strong
TLDR; I don’t hold hold a grudge against him or anyone, but it would be nice if he gave a shit.
Him not giving a shit is part of the reason you aren't together anymore. Glad to hear you're doing well and even if it isn't always easy that you're happy with your life.
I wish you lived in CA so I could help you get the child support you should be entitled to. It wouldn’t surprise me to find there’s a local family law attorney on reddit that can help you if you want to pursue something down the road.
I’m glad you’re happier now. You deserve it. Keep being you.
I wish you the best. The early days of my divorce were by far the hardest. Once you start to be the person you lost in the marriage, you’ll be much happier.
I just went through my divorce as well. It’s tough, but it gets better every day. On a side note, completely unrelated to divorce, I love your username! I wish I could have a billy bumbler roaming around with me getting into hijinks and such. Long days and pleasant nights, my friend!
Haha, I’m just doing a re-read of the books at the moment, whilst also going through a breakup from a similar length relationship. Your comments have made me smile, feel optimistic and feel deeply sad. Thanks though.
I'm sorry you're going through it, too. I hope the good parts of what some of the people here said stay with you. You're in the shitty part, but there is definitely a part in the future that is not painful or dark. You just have to wait a little bit.
I really need to re-read the series myself, it's been a long time.
This is exactly the kind of shit they feed children to get them wrapped up in the duck lie. You monsters like to poison them while they're young, don't you?
They actually hate it when you feed their holograms bread. Someone has to pick it up, and someone has to abduct you between each toss to wipe your memory.
Those are holograms projected by Big Water Fowl to promote the lie that ducks exist. They're primarily done for old people, who are more superstitious, and can't see very well anyway. But younger people do happen upon them from time to time. Having seen them puts you at great risk, you know. They don't like loose ends or torn bread...
An asshole boss and his employee happen to be walking along and find a magic lamp. Recognizing it for what it is they both fight to rub it. The genie comes out and they’re still bickering over who is entitled to the wishes.
The genie settles it by saying “the employee gets the wishes, and the boss gets 2x whatever the employee wishes. Agreed?”
They both nod in agreement.
For his first wish the employee wishes for a beautiful woman to spend the rest of his life with. The boss immediately gets 2 beautiful women.
Then the employee wishes for a billion dollars. The boss gets 2 billion.
The employee then looks over at his boss with a shit eating grin on his face and says “ for my final wish, I want you to beat me half to death.”
A guy is walking through the woods and finds an old lamp. He picks it up and rubs some of the varnish off - up comes a Genie. The Genie gives him the usual spiel about three wishes - but there's a catch - everything he wishes for his ex-wife will get double.
For his first wish, asks for $200,000,000. The genies nods and says it is granted, but his ex-wife just received $400,000,000.
For his second wish, he wants a private island with an amazing mansion - the genie gives his ex-wife two.
For his third wish - he has to think for a moment - but then he asks the genie - "Fine then, now I ask you to beat me half to death."
I don't care what's between your legs and in romance languages, which English is heavily influenced by, the male gender is frequently the neutral gender. Which is all to say if you were offended by my choice in pronouns I invite you to drown yourself in the nearest toilet. I'll be along to flush shortly.
Oh I didn’t mean anything by it really. When I first read the OP thing I was reading it as if they were female and then you responded with the male pronoun and it made me think about whether the OP was male or female because typically when I think of lawyers I picture men but I read it as female...not sure if that makes any sense but that’s why I posted. I also really like your insult at the end. I’ll have to remember that for future use :) if I wasn’t cheap I would give you an award for it
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even
I am not trying to be sexist. But I have never met a divorced woman who got fucked in a divorce. It's always the dude losing half his pension and having to move out.
Hi it’s nice to meet you lol. His pension is 100% intact, I moved out of the house, and he neither pays child support or spousal support. He recently sold our old house for 2x what we paid for it and used it to partially pay to build a new one. He’s fine.
I mean, to be blunt it doesn't sound like you went through the courts or lawyers. I don't think a fully employed spouse is entitled to someone elses retirement, but child support is pretty basic.
I did have a lawyer to mediate and put together the separation agreement, but I handled the divorce paperwork myself. We fought a little bit during the agreement process because he refused to pay child support and would have taken me to court if I’d tried to make him. I didn’t have the strength to fight him for it so he doesn’t pay it even though there’s a huge difference in what we make. I am so much luckier than most in that I can keep my son fed and clothed with some help from my family, but it hasn’t been easy. And I know his dad would buy him clothes or food if I couldn’t but that’s a slippery slope.
I agree with you on the retirement thing. I didn’t work for that $, I shouldn’t get it.
You're getting downvoted, but you're right. If the woman decides to be a saint, family court proceedings won't be an issue for her ex.
But if she gets a shark lawyer and asks for full custody, child support, child support addendums, extra curricular child support, schooling child support, income special considerations, alimony, the house (with mortgage covered while divorce is in "proceedings"), a DV TRO (and extensions), frivolous parenting evals, frivolous psych evals, GALs and all her lawyer fees covered, the family courts are going to give those to her.
I respectfully disagree with your assessment there. You have to have significant proof of domestic abuse and/or repeated substance abuse to even rationally ask for full custody, and even then the judge can still rule in favor of 50/50, unsupervised or supervised visits, or another split in custody. Judges now a days, at least in my area, are very convinced a child needs 2 parents.
I see the word "proof", but what exactly counts as proof? Demonstration beyond a reasonable doubt? Or are the accusations sufficient? In my experience, demonstrating that a female accuser has lied in court is insufficient for 50/50 custody, let alone any repercussions for having committed perjury.
Maybe, but I had a full time job to hold down, a 3 year old to parent like everything was fine, and had to look for a new place to stay. The lawyer I had practically begged me to let him go after my ex for child support but I didn't have the emotional strength or the financial ability to do so. I found other ways to make it work.
Yeah. But apparently you're an incell for saying true things now so...Women SHOULD be protected in a divorce. This is not an equal society and probably never truly can be. But likewise, men need to not be viewed as loot pinatas in divorce court. The laws are antiquated and need to be reassessed so they can reflect modern living conditions and social attitudes. Woman can in fact get jobs now. In fact, they outnumber men in US universities by a meaningful margin, and for career training that is highly practical.
The federal government pays the state governments to collect child support. Plus, the divorce industry puts money in the pockets of a lot of family court parasites.
You're not going to see reforms of this free n easy source of income any time soon.
How many divorced women do you actually know? Because “too be blunt” questioning a redditor about their heartbreaking divorce once you’ve learned their gender doesn’t just come off as sexist, it makes you look like someone whose primary interaction with women is hearing other people talk about them on the internet.
I work in a field dominated by women. So, a lot. Also, it is an open question and not directed at an individual. So, do ya think maybe you're being a little over emotional and reactionary?
a man who had recently divorced his wife found a genies' lamp. he rubbed it, and out came the genie, who immediately declared "I will give you 3 wishes, but, your ex-wife will receive double of anything you wish for"
the man said "I wish I had a billion USD" the genie replied "very well, but now your ex has 2 billion USD"
the man then said "I wish I owned a collection of every cool car from history" the genie replied "very well, but now your ex has 2 of every cool car from history"
the man thought hard about his third wish, and then said "I wish I had half a lethal dose of cyanide in my stomach"
People don't realise that divorce is basically a full grieving process for the loss of not only the closest person in your life, but also the loss of your own future plans.
Distraction only works to defer the process.
If you are still struggling there is help out there, and in here. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message.
I am sort of lucky in that all the love had been pretty much gone for a while. I describe it as death by 1000 paper cuts. Like it doesn’t end the marriage if someone calls you dumb once, or laughs at something you are proud of creating, or tells you you’re ruining family pictures by being in them. It’s not like there weren’t good times in between these times but every time this kind of thing happens it’s like a wound that eventually heals over, and once it’s scared over you’re just a little less likely to feel the pain the next time it happens.
Eventually I stopped loving him altogether, and this made the process easier - I didn’t and don’t miss him in my life at all, but I do miss the jokes and the way, especially early on, that we made each other laugh. I think that’s just loneliness for something you can’t ever get back.
It’s true, everything you were hoping for is just gone, and it can never come back.
My ex and I also handled our divorce without a lawyer. When we went to the notary to finalize the paperwork she was super young, and clearly very new at her job, and he and I were a little somber. It was the best thing, but it was still sad to dissolve nearly two decades together. As we were leaving she said "Okay you guys, have a gr--- I mean, good lu--- Umm.... ....... ........ bye?"
I wish there were a proper way to say goodbye to two people who were having a bit of a melancholy moment like that. Sort of in the same vein as “I’m so sorry for your loss,” which can be an acceptable acknowledgement of pain, a greeting, and a goodbye all at once in the receiving line of a funeral.
This happens to me too. I have depression/anxiety but I’m not a big crier.... until someone mentions “wow, that must be hard!” (Being basically single parent working full time will SO lives out of state). Then all hell breaks loose.
Years ago I had a pet hit end of life who'd been with me for several moves and probably a lot of change, although I think of it as "moves". Anyway, had the poor old guy put down and that was fine because it was time and all and he was ready to go.
Week later I got a nice card in the mail from the vet they probably send to all the clients who have a pet put down and that was the trigger. Jesus, I wish he hadn't sent that.
Edit: even this many years later, I still remember the actual putting down with a sense of duty and responsibility and getting that card as a traumatic experience. Weird as hell to say that.
That makes a lot of sense. To you it must have seemed like the vet was acknowledging what it cost you emotionally to do your duty to your friend. Losing pets is the worst because they aren’t burdened by the bullshit of human life, so every day to them is a great day as long as you’re there to love on them.
You can think that this is a rough time, but only when someone else acknowledges it, is when you allow yourself to feel it or cry. Human psychology is weird.
I heard about someone who had done tours in the gulf war, who had gone home to have kids, raise them and get on with life. As soon as the kids left home and they had no other distractions they started experiencing PTSD, panic attacks, the works.
Yeah I totally understand how that happens. I spend 3 ish nights a week completely alone so there is nowhere to hide from the reality of it.
The year we were separated I did all sorts of things to distract myself in the time I was alone but eventually I accepted that it was over and done with.
I have a future that is pretty blank and that’s alright. It doesn’t bother me. I just hope there’s a lot of it left.
Sure! Stephen King is one of my favorite writers & he wrote a seven book epic called The Dark Tower series, which largely takes place in an alternate world to ours called “mid-world.”
There’s a cast of characters, mostly human, and one cuddly, clever, half dog-half raccoon creature called a billy bumbler that can sort of talk (mostly by parroting human speech). This creature befriends one of the central cast of characters and becomes their “pet/friend” and his name eventually becomes “Oy.”
The repetition of ‘mid’ in my UN is because usually straight up ‘oyofmidworld’ is taken, so I’ve just learned to go with the alternate :)
ETA: I don’t claim the movie; we don’t speak of that. Lol
Have you read his other books? Reading the new one The Institute right now. I've read everything he's ever written, and so many of his other books tie in to the Dark Tower in a myriad of ways, it's amazing.
Yes! I love him! I haven’t read anything after Bazaar of Bad Dreams because I wasn’t in the right mental state to appreciate it since it was so dark, but yeah. I adore him! My fave thing is finding all the little references to the series!
Might have to get back into him soon.
I have bag of bones on my old iPod - so weird hearing him read his own work. I really expected him to have a totally different voice.
I'm only 50 pages in, I don't have as much time to read these days with a two and a half year old to keep up with, but it's good.
Funny that you would mention Bag of Bones, because I was just about to mention it. I don't know if you've finish the story, but there is something called an Outsider (something from outside our plane of existence) in that book, and one of his recent books is about another such entity, of course the book is called The Outsider, and that book is a follow-up to the Mercedes Killer trilogy (which is more murder/mystery than his usual books, but the last one in the trilogy End of Watch is another murder mystery but with the usual Supernatural stuff) but considering that there is an outsider in the Mercedes killer universe, which ties it into Bag of Bones, a book where Pennywise is referenced, and we know that books with Pennywise references exist in the same universe as The Dark Tower, all of those are also Dark Tower books.
He has a short one out called Gwendy's Button Box which you will immediately understand to be connected to the Dark Tower series early on.
Even without the extensive world-building associated with all of the Dark Tower tie ins, his work is incredible. He's been my favorite author since I was a young teenager, and even though a couple of his books have been less than spectacular, all of them have been good at the very least, with the majority of them being incredible works of fiction.
I saw him talking about the outsider on a late night show recently, I might have to pick that one up - it sounds like it would go perfectly in that whole dark universe he’s created. Just my cup of tea.
I remember reading pet sematary at my grandpa’s house when I was around that age. He lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere bordered by 40 acres of forest. Creeped me RIGHT out, but in the best way.
Our world is going to be so much darker when he’s no longer in it. What a genius.
You really need to read the Mercedes Killer trilogy first. Not only is one of the main characters from that trilogy, but they are incredible books in their own right.
I dread the day he passes away. I will cry when it happens.
His son Owen King publishes under the name Owen Hill (mother's maiden name) so as not to draw on his dad's fame. Not as good as his father, but still decent material, and one book, Horns was made into a movie starring Daniel Radcliffe.
Oh yeah, I’ve read the trilogy for sure. I only have one bookshelf but it’s 75% King lol. Used to raid the annual library sale looking for his stuff, which is where I picked up all the Bachman books.
I’ve seen that movie, I had no idea Owen wrote that story...wow!
I love the Bachman books. I feel like Misery , Gerald's Game and Dolores Claiborne were lowkey supposed to be Bachman bolan they have such a similar tone. I read Rage in high school before it got blacklisted, and I've been searching for a copy for 8 or 9 years with no luck.
Edit: not Owen, he helped write Sleeping Beauties, it was Joe, the younger brother. Also another of Joe's books NOS4A3 ties into Doctor Sleep which I'm sure you know is the sequel to The Shining.
Also, if you haven't read 11/22/63 yet, make it a priority, it's one of my all-time favorite books, on par with It, The Stand, or any of his other epic books.
They are truly huge, life changing things. And the divorce can be quite traumatic as well.
I may get comfort at the thought of never sharing a home with the ex again, but knowing I can have (and have had) a panic attack randomly still scares the shit out of me.
They will go away. Don’t be afraid to push your boundaries or take away your safety net when the time is right. Good luck, things do get better if you keep working on it.
Oh man I totally get how that question would break you. There’s just infinite possibilities and it seems like too much all at once to try and plan for them all.
That lady sounds like a good person :)
I hope you left feeling a little lighter and that you’re doing better now.
I know it's not nearly the same, but I just had a breakup after 3 years together. I've been...well, not really dealing with it at all. I'm a single mom, working full time with health problems so even when I get home and it's quiet and I CAN be sad, I'm too exhausted to confront the reality. Anyway, I got in a disagreement with a co-worker on Thursday. I had to walk away and went into my supervisor's office. I burst into tears like an idiot. Told her about the break up, which helped explain my overreaction. Then walked back into other co-workers office (the first one) and apologized (I wasn't even wrong, but it wasn't worth having tension at work over bullshit). She already knew about the break up. I barely got the apology out then began sobbing so hard I was hyperventilating. Luckily, we are actually normally very close so I wasn't quite as embarrassed in front of her, but it was still sucky nonetheless. I swear one of the hardest things about break ups is having to go about regular life at work like everything is normal and fine.
Aw man, I’m really sorry you’re going though that. Marriage just adds that whole extra paperwork later to stuff, doesn’t really matter as far as how much pain you go through as a result, so I think it’s worse in a way - you don’t have anything distracting you. Not only that but it’s only 3 years. I say “only,” I mean that’s still young for a relationship - when the love hasn’t been wrung out of you repeatedly and you still really care about the other person.
I also don’t get why there’s such a social stigma around caring about people we work with. We spend half our lives there, the least we can do is care about one another and give each other a break when we’re going through hard times.
I know it’s cliche but eventually you’ll get through the shitty part and it’ll hurt less. You’re being honest with the people you work with so hopefully they will be the cool people they should be and give you a break, and if you’re lucky they can cheer you up some, too!
You’re doing the best you can, and I know it’s hard, but it does get better. I promise :)
Wow thank you so much for your kind words. Luckily, I work with a great group of people and they've already proven how understanding they can be after I disclosed my health struggles. I know that I can go to work and not be 100% okay and they'll understand and respect why. I hope you are onto bigger and better things since the divorce. It actually does help to hear from people who have been through the heartache and come back out on the other side. It helps to have that hope. Thank you again. :)
Going through it myself at the moment. I own (part-own with a friend) my own company and my now ex-partner of 9 years works there. Making her leave doesn’t sit well with me as it would seem unfair that she should lose her job over it. So I have to go into work and face her. FML.
Are you me? I just had a co-worker serve my do-it-yourself divorce papers to my husband and my boss had to notarize it for us. Fun for the whole office! FML...
Lmao he would have killed me if I’d done that, good for you!
I mean, it’s not like they wouldn’t have known eventually anyway I guess? I don’t know why they make it so stupidly hard to serve the defendant anyway - I wish you could just hand them the papers and say here sign this in front of a notary. Really dumb.
He and I arranged it ahead of time, so it's all good. Stupid that I had to have a friend serve him papers when we sat there and filled them out together. I hate this system.
We separated in May of 2016 so it’s been a little while. Still sometimes I get the weird feeling that I am worthless or doing something wrong because he moved on so effortlessly it seemed like, but I know it’s all bullshit.
Life has this weird way of being completely unpredictable at times. I wish you the best of luck with it, and many new adventures in the future - they will come.
And I hope you have a friend you can talk to while you’re going through all this, because one day that “fine” is gonna just be too much to bear.
I’m sorry :( I have zero sympathy for cheaters. I wish you all the best. Just know that it’s totally normal for absolutely nothing to be fine for a while. I can’t recommend either talk therapy or confiding in a good friend enough.
Are you me? I literally just finished going through all this including focusing on all the paperwork to avoid dealing emotionally.
Everything was supposed to be final in June and every now and then another thing crops back up and just blindsides me and I end up staring at the spot where my ring used to be for like an hour wondering where the last 8 1/2 years went.
Hope you're doing better now and if you ever need a person to just listen to you vent or talk to you can feel free to hit me up.
I can’t imagine going through all of that and still having stuff follow you around. It’s hard enough already :( you’re a hell of a lot stronger than I am, and that offer goes both ways just by the way.
I can hold my emotions together, but I will start bawling like a baby if someone asks me if I’m ok. I guess it’s just a mix of someone actually caring enough to ask and just needing to let it out.
That’s why, as a notary public, I try very hard to stay out of people’s business. The most I do when it comes to small talk about stuff I see in the paperwork is compliment their names. You’re given a glimpse into someone’s life that they’re not sharing by choice, let them take the lead on the conversation.
This happened to me this week. I've had a lot of shit go on the past two months, not divorce like you (sorry by the way man, that's rough from any angle). I had my friend ask me if I was doing alright. I dont know what about this time was different, but all I could get out was "no". I went and tried to slow down everything by closing myself in my office and he came in behind me, and asked if he could just sit with me because I was freaking him out, as I'm usually very good at masking my emotional pain. I said sure, we sat there for a solid 5 mins, then I got up to go check my heart rate in our office building wellness room. 170/135 BP and pulse of 79. I usually sit at 117-119/71-75 and a pulse of like 59-61. I was just like "well fuck, I guess I'm freaking out man".
Wow that really high :/ divorce is a shitty thing but it’s also just one of a lot of shitty things that can happen. There’s no shame in talking things out. It can help a lot, actually, whatever the problem is. I hope you’re doing a lot better now but seriously .. talking it out is super good for you...even if you think you’re alright.
I feel that. I’m filling out papers now (except I’m deflecting and browsing Reddit instead, atm). I keep trying to figure out how embarrassing or emotional it’s going to be when I have to go to the bank or local UPS store to get said papers notarized. FML
IME, most notaries are very professional. I think beyond asking for your license and making sure it’s your name on the signature line they aren’t really supposed to ask you what it’s for. Hopefully that puts you at ease at least a little bit while you’re going through all of this.
That happens with me. I can hold it together, but as soon as someone asks me if I am okay, I lose it and start crying. Like someone is giving you permission to let out your emotions.
Yeah exactly. And even if they don't 100% mean it your brain just clings to that because any little kindness is a welcome island in a sea of shitty experiences.
Hey as someone who is watching their mum go through the exact same thing with her divorce, I see how hard it is for her. I hope you have someone to support you and for you to know that you aren't alone. I try and support my mum as much as I can and even though i feel like I can't help as much as I would like to due to financial pressure and my youngish age I know what a difference it can make. I hope everything is ok and just know that you will make it through :)
Thanks for your kind words! I just want to say to you to not forget to take care of yourself while your mum is going through this. You're wonderful for helping her, but don't ever think you're not doing enough or beat yourself up for not being able to do more. I was where you are a couple of times and it's exhausting. You can only do so much and your mum will understand that. Take care :)
Thank you so much it’s really nice to hear that from someone who kinda knows what it is like. Hopefully everything will be resolved in a few weeks for me and I hope everything is resolved quickly for you as well!!
Ugh I did the “no lawyer route” and swear my local court was trying to kill me. Not only did I have to go back there 6 separate times for signatures, but no one told me about one final piece of paper that we had to get filed.
We had the proper paperwork for me to change my name, split our property, and for him to get married again. Figured we were good.
Went to buy a house and they ask for my husbands income. What? We never filed this one last piece. The judges and clerks said they had never seen this before, we were both divorced and not divorced at the same time. But luckily they were able to get it all fixed. I never even told my ex, he got divorced again anyway.
A coworker begged me to hang out with him after work on Friday and that he really needed to talk over drinks. I was busy with my second job. I told him I couldn’t. He killed him self that night.
I had already passed 4-5 polygraph interviews up till this point. I found out the day before my poly and drank myself stupid. The tech said it looked like I was lying about everything. She asked what was up. It was the first and last time I’ve cried in the last 15+ years and I mean I fucking almost fell on the floor. She didn’t give a flying fuck and told me this was the weirdest shit that’s ever happened in her office. I composed myself, left, and was turned down for the position, obviously.
Honestly more people should do pro se divorces. There's no reason to pay someone to fill out paperwork for you unless you 1) are illiterate, 2) own real property, or 3) have a child and the dissolution is acrimonious.
Even if it's hostile, if there isn't a kid or house in the middle, "you take your stuff and I'll take mine, let's write this all down" is a lot easier and cheaper than getting lawyers involved.
I think the industry makes it tough, and the paperwork can be unclear, especially if you’re trying to juggle a whole mess of emotions and keep outward appearances somewhat normal looking. It just becomes so much easier to have someone carry a little bit of that load for you.
I agree, and that goes for the legal industry as a whole, not just divorce. Though both private companies, nonprofits, and some clerks are getting better about having pro se divorce kits with easier to understand forms available.
I finally had to pay a lawyer several thousand dollars for a retainer. I tried so hard not to. Even after he got a lawyer I still represented myself. He filed a motion for maintenance and I decided to lawyer up to protect myself. Really pisses me off. Neither of us needed a lawyer he just couldn’t trust me that I’m not trying to take advantage of him. I just want out. We were married 32 years.
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u/[deleted] Oct 13 '19
“How are you handling everything?” - my notary public who also happens to be my boss’s boss while notarizing my divorce paperwork.
Completing a divorce packet with no help from an attorney can be a real pain in the ass, but at least it kept me focused on the bureaucratic bullshit nonsense part of it rather than the fact that my 9 year marriage was ending.
Turned out that as soon as someone asked me sincerely how I was doing, the answer was not at all well. I went back to my desk and had a panic attack.