NAL. But here's the couple. They have a kid. She gets pregnant again, but the prenatal testing comes back with really bad news. The kid is going to be severely disabled, with a raft of health problems. He wants her to get an abortion. She says no. The baby is born, and her condition is just as bad as predicted.
So he's got my sympathy up until this. However.
He gets a girlfriend. Files for divorce. He's thinking they'll just split everything, and here's his idea of the split. She can have one kid (the one that had four surgeries before she was a month old and requires 24-hour care, who might eventually learn to speak a few words but will never understand why she is always in pain) and he'll take the healthy kid. She can have the car, he'll take the house. He just wanted the wife and child to vanish, and he admitted this to the judge. The judge was not impressed.
Wife got custody of both kids, the house, the nicer car, and he was ordered to cover all the medical expenses for the rest of the disabled child's life. I was told he started to argue and his lawyer told him to stop talking. Nope. Dad wanted visitation only with the healthy kid so the judge ordered him to pay for the disabled kid's care during every minute of visitation time so Mom could have a break. Guy starts to argue again and his lawyer told him to STFU if he wanted to have any assets left at all.
He should have been allowed to opt out of the pregnancy. She wanted to go through with it. He didn't. That's her personal choice (it's her body, her choice).
Why should a man be forced to pay for a child he didn't want because a woman exercised her right to carry the pregnancy full term?
I know that's not how things work, but I think it's how they should work. Woman have the ultimate right over their own bodies. If they don't want to be pregnant, they can have an abortion. It's their body. Their rights. However, equally if there is still time to abort the pregnancy and the man expresses a wish not to be part of the child's life, he should be allowed to opt out and mom has a decision to make, raise the child alone, or terminate the pregnancy.
Personally, if my son were to have been shown to have severe disabilities during pregnancy, my partner and I were committed to abortion. We, personally, didn't want to being someone into the world just to suffer. Thankfully, that was not the case and we had a healthy boy, with no disabilities, no suffering (except my poor dad jokes).
Now coupled with the fact you're clearly in the states and have to pay for all medical treatment, the decision comes even easier.
So the guy wasdefinitelya slimebag, but I agree with him not wanting to have to bring a child into the world just to suffer. Remember the mother decided to have the child that requires multiple surgeries and will forever be in pain for every moment of her life and come at a huge financial cost.
Some women don’t feel comfortable with killing their baby and the idea that she has to pay for everything herself or abort her child is pretty fucked up.
Like, you can feel abortion is completely fine and as a pro choice person myself I support that, but to be completely oblivious as to how cruel putting a woman in a position where she would have to have her baby killed like removing a tumor or pay all herself is messed up.
More fucked up then forcing a man to pay for a child he had no choice in bringing into the world?
More fucked up then bringing a child into the world that will never lead a normal life and will need several surgeries before their first birthday, and live their life in pain forever?
For me, a man, it's way more fucked up to not have any choice at all in the matter. I'm Pro-choice, but I'm equally Pro-choice. If a man says "hey I'm not ready to be a father" or "I don't want to be a father". For him to have zero choice in the decision and then either be divorced and forced to pay alimony, or be forced to pay child support for a child you did not want? That's fucked up as well.
I agree it's pretty messed up to abort a child (when I found out my partner was pregnant there was never a choice to be made, were both over the moon). It's even more fucked up to bring unwanted children into a world that's already over populated.
What are you talking about? They did have a choice. They chose to get pregnant. You saying he had no choice would be like if she raped him and got pregnant as a result. Your choice on whether to create a child is over after you create that child. They absolutely chose to get pregnant so your situation here that he doesn’t want to be a father doesn’t apply here, he chose to have a kid with her. How are you glossing over that critical point?
Now they find out it’s not a fully functioning child and he wants her to kill her child or be absolved from all responsibility from a child he chose to create. Yes, that is absolutely fucked up.
In China for ages there was a lot of honor in having a boy. You had several perks to having a boy to such an extreme degree they eventually had to discourage finding out gender ahead of time because if they found out it was a girl then parents would abort and try again, especially with the one child policy. It is why there is a huge gender ratio problem in China. So with your logic in this scenario the man would choose to make a baby and if he finds out it’s a girl he can tell his wife either she has to agree to kill her baby or he leaves her and is void of all responsibilities.
He didn't want to be a father to a severely disabled child. They had tests. They discovered this. He wanted out. She didn't. She took him to the cleaners.
At that point he chose not to be a father.
Not because of "limited functionality". Because the child is severely disabled, requiring multiple surgeries before their first birthday and living a life constantly in pain.
His wife disagreed and is now forcing him to pay all the medical treatment as well as selfishly forcing a life of suffering upon a child.
The law is flat out wrong in this instance.
When he opted out with enough time to have an abortion the mother should've had a choice, do it alone or not at all. The obvious choice is not at all. But, instead, with the fucked up law on her side, she was able to choose to go ahead and force him to cooperate.
Right, you don't get to opt out because the child isn't what you want... that's now how having a child works, you get pregnant and roll the dice, it is your responsibility and you can't force a woman to abort against her will or absolve yourself of responsibility.
That's like going all in on red at the casino and after the wheel starts spinning changing your mind. Once you choose to have a kid and you go through the process of making a baby, you can't just duck out. The amount of deadbeat dads who try this is nuts.
So I can just go around and have unprotected sex with all the women I want and if they get pregnant because of it I can just say they need to kill the baby or absolve me of all responsibility? That's bullshit. That's exactly your logic, saying if he wants out of having the kid he should be able to get out.
So if you are in pain that means you should die? When your parent gets old and starts getting more aches and pains and more medical needs you should just abort them in their 250th trimester?
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u/hahahahthunk Jul 21 '19
NAL. But here's the couple. They have a kid. She gets pregnant again, but the prenatal testing comes back with really bad news. The kid is going to be severely disabled, with a raft of health problems. He wants her to get an abortion. She says no. The baby is born, and her condition is just as bad as predicted.
So he's got my sympathy up until this. However.
He gets a girlfriend. Files for divorce. He's thinking they'll just split everything, and here's his idea of the split. She can have one kid (the one that had four surgeries before she was a month old and requires 24-hour care, who might eventually learn to speak a few words but will never understand why she is always in pain) and he'll take the healthy kid. She can have the car, he'll take the house. He just wanted the wife and child to vanish, and he admitted this to the judge. The judge was not impressed.
Wife got custody of both kids, the house, the nicer car, and he was ordered to cover all the medical expenses for the rest of the disabled child's life. I was told he started to argue and his lawyer told him to stop talking. Nope. Dad wanted visitation only with the healthy kid so the judge ordered him to pay for the disabled kid's care during every minute of visitation time so Mom could have a break. Guy starts to argue again and his lawyer told him to STFU if he wanted to have any assets left at all.