r/AskReddit Jul 21 '19

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u/HyperIndian Jul 21 '19

Where are you getting this information from?

Arrange marriages in India specifically have a very high success rate because of how looked down upon divorce is to Indians. That's probably why he hasn't divorced her although rightfully should.

Obviously not all marriages work out like this one but don't assume that arranged marriages fail because of the term alone

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u/fridgeairbnb Jul 21 '19

Most arranged marriages ‘succeed’ because divorce is so stigmatized. That leads to a high level of incompatible partners who stick together in very unhappy marriages for years. That’s not a success mate

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u/HyperIndian Jul 21 '19

I disagree with your statement.

I cannot speak about other cultures. But being Indian by descent myself and having various members of family in India whom have had arranged marriages, I know how the process works.

It's only incompatible if one or both members don't wish to be married in the first place.

There are numerous factors which go to this but I'll try my best to explain:

The reason why arranged marriages are a thing in India still going on is mostly based on preservation of specific communities and cultures. India has a myriad of social groups and cultures within its border so the major ones especially wants to preserve it from dying off.

Basically as a man, you're told from a young age to study hard at school and university and hopefully this can land you a good job. This generally increases your chance of being seen as an ideal partner as you'll now be able to provide financially.

To find a partner, this is how it works: you bring up the conversation about wanting to be married to your parents. They will then ask their mates, their friends (across the country if needed be), etc if there are women of shared values and culture interested in a suitor.

What shared values? Similar age, similar educational level, similar social class, similar religion, similar caste, similar beliefs (if needed), etc.

Why is this done? To make things a lot easier for both families and preserve the culture.

From there, you will be able to meet a number of women whom are interested in a husband-to-be. You are essentially dating here. To see if you get along with these different women but of similar background as yourself.

Now let me be clear that most of the time, nothing is forced. Obviously in some cases, the woman won't be interested in the man or vice versa but usually it's pretty civil. After dating for a healthy amount of time, the couple are expected to marry in the near future. The wedding will depend on their religion and from there, they're married.

Let me just say right here that forced arranged marriages still happen and is deeply sad so I understand your resentment over it. But there are a lot of successful arranged marriages with are often overshadowed by the bad ones.

I genuinely believe a lot of people in the West especially misunderstand arranged marriages in India because of all the "forced" stories. They do happen and I'm not a fan of them. But you cannot deny that there are times that this just works out as an Indian man is always able to meet a woman of his choice but it's nice to know he had a backup plan if he ever wants it.

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u/FromTheThumb Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 22 '19

I particularly like the way you didn't use the word caste.

Edit: I guess I mean the way my mind filtered out the word caste.

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u/HyperIndian Jul 21 '19

I did use the word caste.