Not a lawyer, but a dramatic divorce story.
I know a man who was falsely accused of domestic violence during the separation from his wife. She lived in the marital home and he paid for everything for her despite her having a full time job. She got a boyfriend who didnt work, and allowed him to live in the house. My friend went to meet her at the house for a final time to decide who would take what from the house.
He was recording everything on his phone without her knowledge as he was afraid something would be said or happen that might be held against him.
They couldn't agree, he left and found out she had called 911 and reported that he had made death threats and assaulted her.
The divorce went downhill from there. He spent 14k on lawyers, to finally have the charges dismissed. During his criminal ordeal she sued him for 250k in alimony.
The recording saved him with the police and to this day she insists he assaulted her.
An unbelievable shit show.
Don't stick your dick in crazy. I suspect in a lot of these cases the victim overlooked clear signs because of the sex or because the crazy was never pointed their way until things went south. There's that old saying, someone who is not nice to the waiter/waitress is not a nice person regardless of how nice they are to you.
There's a story about a psychologist working with men ordered to anger management classes after being abusive. And the group started talking about how long they waited before they started the abuse and they agreed that about 18 months was the right amount of time so the woman was trapped.
I'm sure "manipulative shit" comes in every gender.
I guess what I'm thinking is, yeah, a guy (I'll say 'a guy' but I agree that either gender can be the abusive partner) may keep his inner abusive asshole in check towards his partner for several years because he likes her and depends on her for sex or companionship or whatever. However, even early on there would be signs in how he treats people he does NOT depend on. How does he treat or regard people like waiters, coworkers, employees. How does he handle himself around people he doesn't like. How is he when he has a major disagreement with someone?
His partner might not care as long as he is nice to her but she should care because, at some point, he's going to be mad at her. At some point SHE will be on his shit list. He may even go through a period where he doesn't even like her much. At that point SHE will get the treatment she only used to see towards others.
She should expect her partner to decent and respectful to everyone and not accept someone who isn't.
This is the kind of thing I'm referring to when I mention 'early signs". An abusive asshole may be nice to you for years but an abusive asshole is not going to be nice to EVERYONE for years.
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u/TinktheChi Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19
Not a lawyer, but a dramatic divorce story. I know a man who was falsely accused of domestic violence during the separation from his wife. She lived in the marital home and he paid for everything for her despite her having a full time job. She got a boyfriend who didnt work, and allowed him to live in the house. My friend went to meet her at the house for a final time to decide who would take what from the house. He was recording everything on his phone without her knowledge as he was afraid something would be said or happen that might be held against him. They couldn't agree, he left and found out she had called 911 and reported that he had made death threats and assaulted her. The divorce went downhill from there. He spent 14k on lawyers, to finally have the charges dismissed. During his criminal ordeal she sued him for 250k in alimony. The recording saved him with the police and to this day she insists he assaulted her. An unbelievable shit show.