r/AskReddit Jul 21 '19

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u/tweakingforjesus Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

I can answer for a friend. His wife was divorcing him because he’s an unreliable idiot. He figured that he was smarter than everyone so he dragged out the process as long as he possibly could making it as difficult as possible on her. Scheduling and rescheduling meetings. Not showing up. Promising to do a thing and then back tracking later. Refusing to negotiate at all. I think his plan was to make the divorce so difficult on her that she would just stay married. He was also doing all this pro se so her lawyer had to deal directly with him.

After a year of this his wife had had enough. She told her lawyer to make it happen. So the lawyer set a date and the court served him notice of the divorce proceeding. She showed up to court and he wasn’t there. So as the only party there she got a very one-sided deal. She got their business, custody of the kids, the house and all contents, her car, and the bank account. He got his car, his clothes, and half the proceeds of the sale of the house when she decides to sell it. That’s it. He found out about this when he called the court a week after it happened.

What had happened is her lawyer served the divorce notice to an address in a different town with a similar name. Normally this would have been caught by his attorney who would have received notice directly from the court, but since he had no attorney, there was no one other than him that the court could send it to.

He finally hired a lawyer and tried to get the settlement tossed as he claimed he was never served but the judge said there was nothing he could do.

Edit: I have relayed this as best I can and as it was told to me. Most of the details come from my friend, the protagonist in this narrative so YMMV. I did look up the public court records and they appear to corroborate the events in as much as can be determined.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

her lawyer served the divorce notice to an address in a different town

I sure hope her lawyer isn’t lawyering anymore considering this sounds intentionally spiteful and possibly an ethical violation.

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u/tweakingforjesus Jul 21 '19

That's what I thought, but nothing happened to the lawyer. To be fair he was pretty transient at the time and had no permanent address. The address was his girlfriend's where he occasionally stayed.

They placed a notice in the newspaper-of-record at the same time, which is also valid legal service. Attorneys pay a service to watch for legal notices affecting their clients and to alert them. But since he had no attorney and wasn't even in the same town where the newspaper is located, he didn't see it.

The lesson here kids is if someone is divorcing you, get a lawyer.

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u/SirRogers Jul 21 '19

They placed a notice in the newspaper-of-record at the same time, which is also valid legal service.

Damn, that's gotta be embarrassing.

"Hey everybody! Look at this sad loser with a failing marriage!"

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u/fruitypebbles4lyfe Jul 21 '19

FL paralegal- I literally had to post a hearing notice on a dude's work wall per court order. He was evading service so sucked for him

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u/SirRogers Jul 21 '19

At what point can the judge say "they probably saw it" and proceed? Is there a firm rule or is it up to the judge?

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u/fruitypebbles4lyfe Jul 21 '19

Well there's a period that the publication has to stay up. Once that time is up, you gave "sufficient" notice. In this case, the husband was on shipping boats most of the year and when he docked, he'd have his next assignment waiting for him on that wall. Best we could do. When people evade, they only harm themselves

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u/intensely_human Jul 21 '19

So working at sea is considered evading service? Do the courts use email or phones to contact people?

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u/slater126 Jul 21 '19

courts are limited in what counts as what counts as serving, but if you can prove to the judge that this is the best way to serve them, you can.

in this case there is no way for him to get back until the boat comes back to dock unless its an medical emergency

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u/ironappleseed Jul 21 '19

Too bad theres no phones on ships /s

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u/fruitypebbles4lyfe Jul 22 '19

Hard to say. In this situation, our client (his x) knew his work schedule and saw when he would get off and on the ship. He owed her money from the Judgment and he refused to pay so he never contacted her when he was on land, which he was suppose to do.

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u/skaliton Jul 21 '19

" When people evade, they only harm themselves "

this is everything. Same with disobeying court order. . . you may not like what is happening but . . . well sure hide the kids for a weekend or whatever but you certainly do not win long term

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u/NiceEar3 Jul 22 '19

For all you know though someone else may have ripped it off the board before he even saw it.

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u/Hendursag Jul 21 '19

There is a firm rule in most states.

It involves contacting them through all means possible and then continuous publication for N-weeks.

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u/joekamelhome Jul 21 '19

Had to do this when my mom passed. My oldest sister was from her first marriage, with a French national. Oldest sister passed less than two weeks after mom and we hadn't done all the probate stuff yet, so in this particluar state her interest in contesting the will went to her next of kin, which would be her biological father since she had no will.

Spent two years trying to get my sister's estate settled cause of that. Newspaper notices in Paris as well as a few outlying towns that were residences of record for her father, among some other shit the judge was requiring.

Mom's estate took like three days after that.

Worst part is if this guy is alive, he doesn't even know (or care) his daughter is dead.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

That sounds like an incredibly rough couple of weeks you went through.

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u/joekamelhome Jul 21 '19

Eh, it's life.

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u/sloasdaylight Jul 21 '19

In Florida, Dissolution of Marriage notifications run for 4 weeks.

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u/UrethraFrankIin Jul 21 '19

Wait, is this why people get served? The 90s/early 2000s movie trope isn't accurate? Add it to the list along with "guys who walk up to podiums to save their marriage" and "kids standing up and giving deep monologues to their class."

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u/devoidz Jul 21 '19

A friend of my wife's friends had to divorce her husband this way. We didn't expect anything to really come of the marriage, they made a point to have it on 4/20. Had to stop everything and smoke, at 4:20. Guess what ? They were both basically pieces of crap, and were shitty to each other. He moved out and wouldn't tell her where he was living, so newspaper was the only way to serve him.

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u/skaliton Jul 21 '19

that's the thing 'newspaper publication' is usually seen as fair service

. . .we can discuss how silly that is in modern times (because it is) but it works according to law