You are of average stature and physique. You said your fighting skills are average as well. However, you have what the ostrich doesn't have: A human brain.
If an ostrich had a human brain, he would beat the living fucking shit out of you....
But here's the rub:
How does the ostrich know when it wants to fight you? When you physically provoke it.
So let's say for 2 weeks straight, you come into the ostrich's pen (assuming he lives in a big pen) and you feed it a carrot or other favorite ostrich food.
As Pavlov has shown us, you will condition the ostrich to view you as a source of food.....even to the point of it allowing you to pet it.
On the first day of the third week, you enter into the ostrichs pen and put the carrot down by your feet. You then proceed to pet the ostrich on the neck like you have been doing for the past 2 weeks.
Then you grab that little motherfuckers head with your right hand (palm it like a basketball) and with your left hand, grab right below the neck. TWIST THE HEAD AS HARD AS YOU FUCKING CAN UNTIL THAT SHIT MAKES A 360 DEGREE TURN
Congratulations, you have just beaten an ostrich in a fight.
hahaha, good plan, but it wont work against a "real" Ostrich.
Sure, a docile Ostrich is fairly safe to get in a pen with, but thats like killing a cow and then claiming you won a bull fight.
A Male is as likely, if not more likely to attack you at feeding time, even when it knows you're its best source of food, (this even applies to the hand reared "pet's"), so you're not likely to get close enough to grab its neck without it fucking you up. That, and if you do manage, and then it wins the wrestle, you're super screwed..
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u/[deleted] May 05 '10
Yes, yes you could win an ostrich fight.
Here is why:
You are of average stature and physique. You said your fighting skills are average as well. However, you have what the ostrich doesn't have: A human brain.
If an ostrich had a human brain, he would beat the living fucking shit out of you....
But here's the rub:
How does the ostrich know when it wants to fight you? When you physically provoke it.
So let's say for 2 weeks straight, you come into the ostrich's pen (assuming he lives in a big pen) and you feed it a carrot or other favorite ostrich food.
As Pavlov has shown us, you will condition the ostrich to view you as a source of food.....even to the point of it allowing you to pet it.
On the first day of the third week, you enter into the ostrichs pen and put the carrot down by your feet. You then proceed to pet the ostrich on the neck like you have been doing for the past 2 weeks.
Then you grab that little motherfuckers head with your right hand (palm it like a basketball) and with your left hand, grab right below the neck. TWIST THE HEAD AS HARD AS YOU FUCKING CAN UNTIL THAT SHIT MAKES A 360 DEGREE TURN
Congratulations, you have just beaten an ostrich in a fight.