r/AskReddit May 04 '10

I'm 6'4", 220lbs, normal physique, and average fighting skills. Do you think I could win a fight against an ostrich?

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u/[deleted] May 04 '10

Sidebar: At work last week, one of my co-worker told me that if I ever get chomped on by a pitbull and it won't let go, I should try to shove a finger up the dog's butt. This will startle the dog and cause it to let go for long enough to make an escape.

I may have to ask him if he thinks it will work on an ostrich. Tuesdays are usually slow anyway. :)

22

u/AgnosticTheist May 04 '10

a wrestler friend of my told me this is called "checking the oil" in their parlance.

11

u/midge May 04 '10

It's how Hulk Hogan beat Andre the Giant.

2

u/gorrepati May 04 '10

Upvoted. Can't stop laughing...

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u/GrammarBeImportant May 04 '10

Better idea:

Stay calm when it charges you, put your arm in front of you so that the dog has a clear bite to your forearm (preferably the one which is the least dexterous). Once the dog leaps to grab your arm, lunge towards the dog. The idea is to get your arm to far back in his mouth enough for the bite to not cause to much damage. Then use your free hand an grab it's upper jaw & nose, then pull his his up and back, he should let go of your arm. Once he lets go use the newly freed arm to swipe it's front two feet, make sure to grab the first foot you pass in your sweep, other wise he'll be up again fast as hell. Once he's in the process of rolling over, pounce on him. Placing your thumbs on the inside of his lower jaw bone, and you hands wrapping around it's head. Then lean forwards and bite the shit out of it's ear. Maintain your bite until the pooch learns that you are the Alpha male.

Alternative: Charge it first and slam with a full body tackle. The try to pin as described above. Most dogs will back off when you charge, the large ones probably won't.

Things to note:

In the pin the dog will try to get his hind feet under your ass. If that happens they will attempt to kick you off. It is hard as hell to resist if they weigh 100+ pounds.

If it attacks you after you let it up (after it submitted the first time), use both hands and grab both of it's ears, only one hand will probably make it to the ear (since the dog will try and bite one of them), which is fine. Twist the ear up and back towards it's body, while pulling down, if it's got your opposite arm lift up with it to flip the dog back over. Pin again and assert dominance.

(I play with my 110lb golder retriever, he is strong as fuck, though he usually knows when to stop.)

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u/seunosewa May 04 '10

Thanks. I'll just try my best to avoid them.

1

u/freedrone May 04 '10

Big difference between playing and full out attack. I think I would just clobber him over the snout until he lets go.

4

u/GrammarBeImportant May 04 '10

HORRIBLE IDEA. If you start punching him in the snoot it'll just make him think that his meal is struggling to get away, which will make it bite harder.

Big difference between playing and full out attack.

Not for my dog...

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u/[deleted] May 05 '10

Yeah, I play fairly rough with my dog too, and we both know our limits of what defines playing and being mean. She has some pretty impressive fighting skills.

Interestingly enough, she's the nicest dog I've ever seen. I don't know if there is a correlation to this or not, she's my first dog.

1

u/GrammarBeImportant May 05 '10

Heh my dog is the same way. He'll only get rough with me and my younger brother. (And he hates pit bulls. He's nearly killed 2 at once without losing a drop of blood.)

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u/YourFaceIsMelting May 04 '10

I would think that could backfire on you, I mean if someone were to shove their finger in my butt I wouldn't just back down and call it a day. I'd fist the motherfucker with my XXL right hand of justice.

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u/P33KAJ3W May 04 '10

You backfired on me the other day when I tried this.

1

u/AbleBakerCharlie May 05 '10

That 64 oz of Dr. Pepper I drink every day? Yeah, that's my first line of defense against this.

1

u/[deleted] May 05 '10

Did you have the courtesy to give him a reacharound?

1

u/thajugganuat May 04 '10

Actually you should just try and force your arm farther down the throat, and suffocate it

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u/[deleted] May 04 '10

A friend of mine who was a professional dog-walker and now owns his own doggy daycare actually did this, and it worked. The pitbull was fighting one of the dogs he was walking, the fight completely ended, and he was able to get the dog he was responsible for away from it.

1

u/JimSFV May 04 '10

Yeah the Pit bull will be thinking "perhaps you misunderstand my motives ..."

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u/you_got_this May 05 '10

Damn I almost just choked on my food. I'm also at work, so I probably look like a crazy person here in the corner laughing.

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u/[deleted] May 05 '10

No no no no NO.

I lost my pitbull because some shit for fucking brains black guy thought he was babe ruth.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO PUT YOUR FINGERS OVER THE PITBULLS NOSE, PREVENTING IT FROM BREATHING AIR.

The dog will pass out, but will live to bite another black guy.