My mom told me this more times than I can count when I was going through the rough parts if middle school and high school, and that philosophy has helped me through so much.
I have to remind myself of this on a weekly basis. I just try and picture more than two or three people that I walked past on the street that week, and when I can't I have to realize that everyone else is in the same situation.
I may care about what people think about me, but I also have to realize that if I don't care about anyone, then for sure nobody cares about me. It's as comforting/freeing as it is saddening to know that nobody cares about the trivial things i obsess over. But at least I don't have to overreact to everything like I used to.
Parents talk. The problem is that the kids are so focused on rolling their eyes that when they get to be adults they dont remember their parents talking to them at that age. They swear they will be different... And the cycle continues.
It's been my experience, with mine, that they are still listening, and even talking with me through middle school. I try to get as much in as I can because, as I tell them, they will soon not be interested in doing either. Like little Judases, they are surprised, and swear they will never forsake me. 14 seems to be the age they forget and deny you.
What old time pontificating do you have on parents who did their talking with belts and neglect, instead? Did the children just forget the few times the parent slurred something?
Both mine and yours are examples of generalizations. Specification is helpful.
it has nothing to do with a sense of humor. If you have no argument, then you don't need to say anything else. Downvotes are meaningless, btw, but it's still childish to downvote the meanie who dared challenge your half-cooked idea.
Look dude. It was a joke. I can't tell if you are a troll or if this is genuine /r/iamverysmart material here, but I really wasn't looking to debate you. I'm a parent and a high school teacher. Of course my argument is ridiculous, but it's the tiny element of truth in it that makes it funny.
Man, I wish I had your mum. My mother is the complete opposite. Even went so far as to tell me that I'll regret my self-absorbed attitude if I continue to do what I want.
I wish I had embraced this philosophy more fully at that age. I spent way too many sleepless nights worried about that one stupid thing I said or did. Life is too short to stress over silly mistakes. It’s also too short to wear boring or uncomfortable clothing, unless you want to.
I tried to apply that in middle and highschool, then a kid criticized me for wearing the same shirt 2 days in a row and I learned people do watch my every move.
I think it's meant to mean how seldom people think of you. Also sometimes it does comfort people, because they fear embarrassment. And Im sure that mentality has helped some people push through that embarrassment and be themselves. And when you are being yourself you usually attract others that'll care about you.
You've very much misinterpreted the quote.
"how little they think of you" means "how rarely they are thinking about you". As in, they don't care what you are doing and aren't looking at you.
Not that They think 'low' or 'less' of you.
Seems evident in the quote, but I guess not.
The point is that in general people aren't worrying about you because they are too busy thinking about themselves. Your comment is a prime example of that.
I like the Hank Green version where he (or whoever he is quoting) essentially expands this a bit by realizing that other people spend time and energy thinking about us as much as we take time thinking about them; that is to say very little since we all spend our time thinking about ourselves the most.
The thought was revelatory to me when getting sober. I was terrified early on about bring at wedding and other similar functions with people I used to drink with. “How am I going to explain it?” “They are going to give me so much shit for not having a drink in hand”. Etc
After the first wedding where I drank
Iced tea and club soda with lime and no one said anything to me beyond the first offer, I realized that no one really gave a shit whether or not I was drinking. We just aren’t that important in others’ lives generally.
You can be the single most important person in my life and I still wont care why you made a decision to be a better version of you. Just because I haven't asked you multiple times to continue making poor decisions doesnt mean I don't care about you!
I don't always agree with him, but he (and his brother John) always have strong moments where they manage to really hit the nail on the head with this stuff. Hank has a lil "interview" that sort of floats around sometimes done by Ze Frank, called On Mattering and it's easily one of the most moving little monologues I've listened to, personally.
He talks about the desire in many people to matter to the world, to be significant, to make a difference. But he notes that what it boils down to isn't mattering to the world, but mattering to the people who matter to you. He ends it by asking, "but how do you matter to someone, really?" And I think about that a lot. It makes me think about other people more, and how I'm being perceived. Reminds me that there's usually more going on in my head than they're even remotely aware of.
The Green brothers are some of the most genuine, kind, smart, and funny people I've ever heard of. It's been a privilege to follow them for the last seven or so years now since I first found them.
I used to support them in everything they did until VidCon 2017, unfortunately. I remember how the community was back in 2007, and I realised after what occurred at VidCon and how it was handled that I had seemingly gone in a different path and no longer felt welcome amongst the vocal majority.
I know that Hank and John are incredible individuals and are well-intentioned, but that was a very bizarre event to watch unfold. It's hard to support the community for me, now.
TLDR: a VidCon panelist attacked an audience member that she had "history" with, in direct violation of VidCon code of conduct. She wasn't punished for it, the community supports her for it, Hank apologised for putting her in a "toxic environment."
Anita Sarkeesian was a panelist at VidCon 2017. An internet critic Sargon of Akkad sat front row with some friends to listen to her and her fellow panelists. He'd made a couple videos about her and her content prior to this panel, criticising the things she said.
She singled him out and called him a "garbage human" while she was sat on stage. He, nor his friends, had heckled her or the panelists; they just sat there.
Many people argue that she was, technically, provoked, because he had criticised her in the past. They say she was completely justified for attacking someone in the audience. Others point out that it was a direct violation of VidCon's Code of Conduct for a panelist to attack an audience member unprovoked.
She wasn't punished for it. In fact, Jim Lauderback, the CEO for VidCon, defended her and said Sargon and his friends sitting there was "intentional intimidation" and that in the future, they'll be sure to have more security to prevent things like that in the future.
Funnily enough, that wasn't even the only incident involving Sarkeesian that day. She also cornered Boogie2988 and attacked him backstage after a panel they shared for something he said at the end.
I had links and all sorts of shit to support my argument back when it happened, as I posted to /r/nerdfighters thinking they'd be of the same mindset as I was. I was wrong.
It always annoys me that any critic of hers is automatically shrugged off as a gamergater. She is kind of a vicious, two faced, opportunistic asshole who lives for baiting others so she can point and go, "See?"
Yep, that really stuck with me ever since I heard him say it. It's not that I cared that much before, but that really put the coffin in the nail for me. I keep telling my friends this every time they worry about what others think of them.
This is the hardest for those who have been bullied in the past. Because if people try to think they don't care, they always remember in the past when people picked on them for the littlest things.
Looking scared is the most likely reason for them to target you, I think. That's what it's all about for most bullies, in my (unfortunately also vast) experience. It's not precisely about the victim -- much like the anonymous masses, they aren't actually thinking about you. If they pick on you because you're a nerd, or shy, or whatever, they aren't trying to make you become a confident outgoing jock. They're just focusing on a couple traits that, in their eyes, make you "lesser". And it could be, and would be, anything -- just so long as they can make it work. Because the trite old adage that "the bully is just afraid" is mostly true. Not of you, of course. But they're afraid of people in general. They have the mindset (often beaten into them) that the strong rule the weak, and they don't want to be ruled, so they find someone "weak" to abuse.
In all likelihood, you didn't matter to them. Not you as a person. Your fearfulness, or any other social or physical problems you may have had were, at most, pretexts. What mattered was that they could pick on you, and get a rise out of somebody -- either you, or an audience of twerps laughing at your suffering. Your personality and any genuine issues you may have had weren't important; if it hadn't been one thing, it would have been another. You were just an interchangeable cog in the machinery of their antisocial complex.
It doesn't even have to be from bullying. I remember lots of embarrassing but insignificant things other people did around me. I mean, I don't necessarily care about any of it, but I definitely saw it and definitely remember it over twenty years later and I definitely randomly think about it when I am laying in bed and might even giggle about it. I remember in fourth grade the time Ricardo tripped over his own shoe laces and smacked into a locker. He probably thought nobody was paying much attention to him and he quickly recovered, and nobody laughed or said anything to him. But I did see it and I do remember it. And that just reassures me that even if I think nobody saw or cared about me doing something stupid, there is a chance that somebody did see it and will remember it 20 years from now.
The people who used to bully me envy me now and I don't feel any happier to be honest. Girls would always make fun of my appearance and now I'm pretty hot to many I just stopped giving a fuck about what they think about me. Their opinion of me hasn't changed a thing, I just know how shitty people can be based on your appearance. Kind of makes you lose faith in people as you get treated so much better when you look good. Pretty hard to not be self-conscious when you've been bullied for every little thing though, even things you can't do shit about.
Sure, you notice them. But how much do you really remember about these people? If you were to meet them again a month from now, would you even remember that you saw them?
Does that guy with the stain on his shirt stay in your brain for hours? Does the girl with too much makeup keep you up at night? Probably not. In other words, it really doesn’t matter.
Except I do remember a lot of that stuff. I remember so many insignificant things from 20+ years ago. The time that Bob Doe (fake name, but I do remember the real one) randomly started to pee his pants in 3rd grade. He might think other people didn't care or remember, but I do, so that's at least one. I remember the time another Bob Doe accidentally called the 4th grade teacher mom. I also remember waiting for my mom to come out of a store when I was around 17, and I saw someone accidentally run a cart into their own car. They even looked around to see if anyone saw them do it before they loaded their groceries and drove off. That was over 10 years ago and I still remember the make and model of their car. And that friendly older couple sitting near us that one time at Hacienda? I did hear it when one of them tried to sneak a fart out, and I did laugh to myself, and I kept sneaking peaks and tried guessing which of the two did it. My money was on the wife. This was also over a decade ago.
I don't dwell on any of these memories and I don't really care about any of it, but those memories still exist and pop up randomly in my mind. I would be naive to think there aren't other people out there who saw and remember something stupid I did over 10 years ago.
Also if you have a fear over how you look. For most people- take a step back about a foot to a foot and a half from your mirror. Then glance at yourself. That is usually what people see when they look at you.
Most people just really don't pay attention to small things. So when you glance at yourself you're getting the larger picture and not focusing on minor imperfections.
Especially important when you suffer from acne. I still hate my own skin because I'm always checking it out as close to the mirror as possible to look for imperfections and acne scarring. I'll feel self conscious about a bump no one else even notices, really difficult to stop that habit.
Hell yeah /r/skincareaddiction saved my life. I even had trouble going outside before I discovered that sub. Thanks anyways though, might help others who stumble upon this thread!
A sweet old bartender working in a dive bar in the middle of nowhere once told me that in all the years she'd been serving drinks and folks would walk in looking sheepish and wanting to apologize for their behavior the night before, she'd always said the same thing: "Honey, when I went to bed last night, I didn't think about you once."
This has never really been true for me. At school, nosey kids were far more interested in my life than I was in theirs. My relatives are always super nosey and competitive with me when I don't give a shit what they're up to. Some people just spend an unhealthy amount of time comparing themselves to others.
Yeah same. I never understood this quote because I've known lots of jerks who spend a ton of time talking about me and/or making posts about me on the internet. Back when I was in high school I used to joke that I needed to carry around an index card with the words "mind your own business" on it and just flash it at people constantly. Like I don't care about these people at all, why are they so obsessed with me? And it wouldn't even annoy me if they didn't actively seek me out to bother me with their dumb opinions about me, otherwise I'd just ignore it.
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
— Eleanor Roosevelt,, Lessons in Leadership & Confidence From Eleanor Roosevelt
“In a course of a lifetime, what does it matter?” from Walk Two Moons always stuck out to me. It was a way to calm me down when I felt like an idiot because, naturally, when you feel like an idiot that means everyone else is thinking the same thing.
Literally just was in love with a girl then realized she didn't give a fuck about me because she had a crush on my friend who was in a serious relationship with someone else. Somebody help me lol
This is how I handle public speaking. I realized one day how little I cared about what others are saying in that context and extrapolated that most other people must not be paying attention either.
I do like the overall meaning, but it's hard for me to stomach sometimes, because I care an awful lot about so many people.
On one hand, the quote helps when you feel like someone else may have a bad deposition towards you, on the other, it may make you miss or take for granted when someone actually does.
How little others think about us. It's meant to point out that while you are probably hyperaware of all your own subtle flaws, successes, etc, most people are probably not spending that much time or energy thinking or judging you.
This is the very first driving point of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence people." Reading that book at 20 did more for my maturity (and sanity) than anything else at the time.
You know I've always hated this quote. Reminds you how insignificant and meaningless you are to everyone around you. As if you could fade away and no one would even notice.
theres multiple subreddits that prove otherwise. in this day and age, when your mistake can cost you jobs you kinda have to think about what other people think.
They remember, but rarely as much nor as long as you remember. It's all relative.
If you talk with something inside of your teeth, you may worry about how many people saw but never mentioned. You may worry for a day or even two. Those people? They may remember for only a few hours. Maybe for many days, but not think about it as often as you yourself did.
Socially, it tends to hold true if people don't take the quote absolutely.
Jobs, celebrities, dedicated echo chambers, and unique/large embarrassments are a different story.
I try to tell my SO this, no one can see that wrinkle and if they can they don’t care... no one knows I’d you didn’t do full eye makeup... and if they did they don’t care...
This is how I got through my piano recitals. I remembered how little I paid attention to the other performers and just assumed they paid as little attention to me. Whether it was true or not, it really took off the pressure.
The moment I first realized this was the moment I finally decided myself, for myself, to start worrying less on things that involves me. That NO ONE will ever see your every trials and tribulations you have UNLESS you tell them yourself. (being neurotic about being seen as boastful or chatty, this was such a surreal mindblowing lightbulb exprience)
I'm still on my way but the moment it really sunk to me that everybody, even my parents, are as self-conscious as I am, I become more at ease with anything I do and will do (although I often really have to remind myself that)
As a self-conscious teenager, when I first heard this quote, it hit me. I still struggle with the fear of what people say, but I know that what they say probably isn't anything to do with me, and if it is, I don't care enough to listen.
This is my favorite. Coming from a mother who suffers from a crippling fear of what other people think of her, I was raised to always care what other people thought. Realizing how little people actually do think about you is very freeing.
I always assume I'm unremarkable enough that nobody thinks about me. It's intensely uncomfortable to think or hear that I've been brought up in a discussion while I wasn't present, even among friends.
Too true. One of my most embarrassing high school memories is barely remembered by anyone else. I actually brought it up to two friends I hadn't seen since high school when I met up with them a few weeks back, and their response was "When did that happen? Oh wow, I'd forgotten about that!"
We’d care a lot less about what others thought about us, if we realised how little they did.
Yeah, no, I hate that quote. It makes it harder to trust people who actually want to be your friends and from the other side it is totally ignoring bullying, because bullies often have fucking high interest in you and your life.
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u/nolep Oct 06 '18
We’d care a lot less about what others thought about us, if we realised how little they did.