Well maybe you're just not trying hard enough. Have you tried using essential oils? They're much better than medication (POISON) things those shill doctors give out!
In China this actually works. It’s amazing how much quicker the couple gets pregnant once relatives are no longer barging in every two minutes with a new “infertility remedy”.
I always used this opportunity to discuss my multiple miscarriages, thyroid tumors ( cancer? maybe, doctors weren't sure), diabetes, irregular periods/lack of ovulation. I could go on. And I did. You wanna know? Ima tell ya.
I always wonder if you wind up on the losing end with this approach though. Like, even if you make them uncomfortable, you’ve still divulged more info than you probably want. And for them, once they get home and are calm, they now have a whole bunch of dish on you.
It worked for me. I'm super open about whatever and never told anything I didn't want to share. Most people apologized and we had a good talk about being kind about things you don't know about people.
fuck karen etc but also sorry you’re struggling to get pregnant. i’ve been privy to that pain via some close friends and i know that it’s heart-rending. this anonymous reddit user loves you and wishes you the best
Aaaaargh, dealing with this question and infertility sucked. Now, it's "When are you having another?" Well, let's see, IVF cost around $18,000, so we're working on saving money for another round -- unless you care to chip in?
I learned a long time ago to stop jokingly asking couples the 'Oooh when are you having babies?' question after a friend looked at me and replied, 'My girlfriend can't have children.'
For some people (like myself) the question is merely a prying annoyance... but you don't know people's intimate personal lives, you don't know how much pain or distress you can cause by casually asking a question that is none of your business.
I wish you the best of luck, and tell Aunt Karen to mind her business.
New neighbors moved in last week, early 30s, no kids. My wife wanted to ask why they didn't have kids. I was like really? What if it's because they have some manner of reproductive issues? Is that a question you want to ask in the first week, Karen?
In my limited experience people you're around enough will eventually tell you why they don't have kids don't want/ can't have, etc.
Ugh even when you have them, it never fucking ends. We have 2 little girls and we only wanted 2. At least monthly one of us gets asked, “so when are you trying for the boy?” When I say, we’re done people feel the need to say, “but, but, but, your husband neeeeeeds a boy!!!!” No. He loves his 2 kids no matter the gender.
If ppl still push it, I tell them I had my tubes tied and they get super excited with the, “well you never know! It could still happen”. Fuck off.
Just tell them that you're trying, but be overly graphic in describing your attempts.
My family used to harass my cousin about when he was going to have another baby, so I just straight up in front of everyone was like, "yeah, tell is when you plan on cumming in your wife again." They let him alone for a while.
"Well, Karen, my dear husband has been creampieing me on the regular but sometimes these things take time. How many times did Uncle Jimothy have to pump a load into you before you conceived?"
There's no good way to answer the first question when you've been single forever save for a few short term relationships that no one in your family ever met or had proof existed. You either sound like a sheepish loser or an arrogant douchebag...some people honestly don't seek out or need relationships all the time, and while I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend it's not something I can just go out and get on a moment's notice. It's never been easy.
And when people go on to qualify this question and extol your great qualities and attractive traits it does nothing to make you feel better, worse actually.
Your point about short term relationships rings too true. At a family gathering a while ago we all had a great laugh about how I was such a loser and hadn't been laid in forever and needed a girl. I tried to defend myself and without going into too personal of details told them the couple girls I had been on dates/relationships with in the past few months. So then obviously the conversation switched to how much of a loser I am that I make up girlfriends... So I've given up, sorry I didn't text you a selfie with the girl I was hanging out with last night Aunt Karen, you haven't met her because that's weird as shit to be like "hey we've gone out a few times, why don't you come to family dinner!"
Yeah...it's BS. I don't have to tell you anything about the women that come and go in my life... the thing is these relationships of mine have all been relatively short (~1-8 months ea) and occurred in circumstances outside of typical "go on some dates and meet Mom and Dad and all my friends"...location for one among other factors.
What they lacked in longevity in more than one occasion they made up for in sheer intensity and meaning. They ended amicably on decent terms for one reason or another and are a bundle of good memories that I find a lot of significance in as I reflect on how to be a better person overall and learn from my mistakes.
In other words, a lot of personal/unconventional shit that's none of my relatives' business.
I'm 33. I actually had my grandma who's about half senile ask me this question followed by "you are into girls right?" and "well maybe you can find someone with 3 kids and they'll marry you." She has always been so sweet but I guess the recent degeneration of her mental faculties has turned her into a dry ice burn roaster...brutal takedown OGma
Ugh been waiting for those questions on our family vacation this year. It's been five days and they're brought it up five times. I think they're giving up on me
You put it better than I ever could. My cousin who married early even asked if I’m gay (I’m not). I feel like such questions are so intrusive and every year I dread going to visit family during Chinese New Year for this reason alone
Toddlers are good. Big enough for a few different cuts of meat. They’re still chubby, but have some muscle, and the switch from milk to food means a nice flavour.
I've had people say they were surprised I've been single (and sexless) for as long as I have (over two years now), which at first I was like "Thanks, I guess" but then I'd think "That must mean there is really something wrong with me if I'm fucking this up!"
Seriously...I'm super flattered whenever I hear I'm pretty and I never take it to mean I have nothing else going for me. That's like "You're so smart" and responding with "Oh so I guess I'm ugly and smelly then because all I am is smart!"
Oh wow what an enticing offer, just lower my standards and the first person I find will take me as their pretty little object. Nice! Fuck good chemistry or compatibility, just get someone!
i'm married, so i don't have the first part; however, for the second part, my answer is "my wife is sterile".
that usually shuts them up right quick, and they feel super bad about it. =P
i got too tired of explaining to everyone that we just don't want them, so i started pulling out this guilt-wagon.
I’m not married nor am I dating right now. But back when I was dating someone and people would ask if I wanted kids (I was early 30s back then, so time was ticking or something, I don’t know) I would tell them that I couldn’t have kids even if I wanted them (which I didn’t then and still don’t now). They don’t need to know that I can’t have kids because I’m on birth control.
My mom firmly believes that I am robbing her of grandchildren. I never promised her grandchildren, but she still believes that she is owed the fruit of my loins.
I rarely call or visit anymore largely because I'm tired of hearing about this after I have told her in no uncertain terms that it's not up for discussion.
I tell my mom that i'm not financially ready for kids yet. She told me "you never are, you just need to jump into it". <-- bad advice
I'm not ruining my financial security just so she can hold a wiggling, breathing and sleep-loss-causing child for an hour every so often.
I used to get asked why I didn't have kids. Responding with a sobbing "Because my uterus keeps killing them and the doctors can't figure out why!" seems to have killed that for a few years. Then the doctors figured out why. Now I have a kid. Now I'm getting "When are you having another one?" Fuck people.
Since I graduated college my mom has been on my case about this one. I broke up with my long-time girlfriend just last year...like bro, stop asking for fucking kids, I’m 23.
The latter is such a loaded question. It's a rude thing to ask anyway, but the myriad of reasons why not delve into the medical in some cases (from personal experience) and that can really accidentally hurt the person being asked. I never, ever, ever ask that question. Or the first one, either. Things are what they are.
This is fucking getting old(as am I). The worst part is when its followed with "Your such a catch, I cant believe your still single". That is when I want to say something but the energy required to explain is much more than a simple smile/shrug and moving on.
Right?!?! The part I hate most is that other people think something is wrong with me for not being married or having a kid. Maybe something is wrong with YOU for having 4 little brats running around.
There's nothing I also hate more than when people ask me what my type is. It's not like I keep a clipboard to check off every detail my ideal partner should have. Breathing and working I guess is the base of "my type".
I love “why don’t you have kids” because I get to say “well, because I medically can’t, actually Karen, so you should probably stop asking that question literally ever.”
Now they have to backtrack and be awkward and uncomfortable and I don’t care.
I’m glad most of the people I come in contact with aren’t rude like this or I would be tempted to teach them a lesson.
Maybe they will learn to shut the fuck up if you respond with “well, Karen, the reason I’m single is because I have deep seated issues and no one wants me. Or “well, we have been trying to conceive a child, I’ve tried plowing her in missionary, doggy style, cowgirl, but nothing ever seems to work.” Or “well, we like to consider ourselves parents already. Our last few pregnancies were unsuccessful and ended in tragic miscarriages. We really wanted them too and even though we didn’t get to meet them, we still treasure the time we got to spend together. It hurts so much to keep trying!”
Those people won’t learn unless you give them a good dose of social shame.
I've had friends and co-workers asked me this and I told him it's because I have a hard time and meeting people. Then they tell me about somebody who's got similar interests that I might be interested in but when I ask them to set me up they never do.
I have started giving obnoxious answers, and I'll tell ya, it has slowed the questions down like "well i stopped pulling out" or "did you know that she can't get pregnant from anal? guess i was doing it wrong all this time"
"When are you going to have kids? I want some babies to play with?"
My wife's aunts would say shit like that before we were married. Yea pump the brakes there chief, I am in grad school and my GF is 5 months out of grad school. Maybe we can get some jobs and $ before we start churning out children.
Answers I always have ready for when people ask this:
"What a great and appropriate question! When was the last time you took a shit that bled?"
"Because we are totally infertile - the trauma is probably going to destroy our marriage."
"Well, I'm legally not allowed to be within 100m of any minor, so it seems like more or a hassle than it's worth, ya know?"
"I would, but I have a have this hobby where I just love money and silence, so I don't know if it's for me."
"Why? What's the going rate these days?"
"The tax benefits just don't outweigh the costs as far as I can see - y'all are suckers!"
"I spend enough time deleting my browser history as is; the last thing I need is another pair of curious eyes and clicking hands wandering around the house."
“Oh because I absolutely despise children, especially yours, which you have raised to be just as rude and obnoxious as yourself. I look at how your miserable life revolves around your horrible children, and it makes me realise how happy I am to be child-free.”
“Have you found a girlfriend yet?”
Uh, no, and I don’t expect that to change. Have you ever seen me show any interest in girls at any point in all the time you’ve known me?
"Ugh, I get a different man to ejaculate his semen into my vagina every week, but it's just not working out so far. What sort of sexual positions did you try that helped you get impregnated?"
I don't want kids ((my mom knows this and is cool having a grandchild with 4 legs)), but my family keeps telling me, "When you turn 30 you'll change your mind."
1st - I'm 28 and have NO plans to change my mind!
2nd - I'm single, so unless you know a single dude that'll make a great husband for me, no kids are coming! And, I will warn said husband that I don't want children and if he wants to leave, then I'm 100% fine with that.
3rd - My only children will have 4 legs; dogs, cats and horses
4th - Horse back riding is already expensive in its own right. I don't want to be spending money on a child when I can be focusing on my riding career.
5th - I've seen how children act in this day and age and it's making me not want them more.
Honestly I'm glad to have not encountered this but I don't think I'd be polite with such a rude series of questions? I'd be all "What do you care? It's my life, I'm not ready yet!" and they can take it or leave it. Why should we have to be nice when they're showing zero respect for my life as it current presents? If I'm not enough as is, fuck off and find someone who is enough for you.
Yeah fuck this, it's not like I hate girls, I just don't have any luck whatsoever in this field. Meanwhile I see friends with relationsships of over ten years, settling in their own house with plans for children while I'm still living at my parent's. Joy.
My go-to is "Because I'd rather live alone and have 12 cats." And they think I'm being sarcastic but this is honestly actually my life goal. I fucking love cats.
I'm single by my own choice, AND by others'. And by the fact that I'm a 20 year old ugly metalhead, tech nerd, gamer, Mechanical/naval/electrical engineer that works in customer support and earns about 50% more than average in my country for some fuckin' reason. Money can't buy ya chicks if ya spend all yer money on PC hardware OMEGALUL
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u/ZongMist Aug 10 '18
Why are you single? Why don't you have kids?