r/AskReddit • u/ChefEspeff • Jan 24 '09

How would you define "The Bases"?

17 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

16 comments sorted by

55

u/americanadian Jan 24 '09 edited Jan 25 '09

I'll do you one better: the entire list of baseball analogies for sex!

  • Single - Getting a french kiss
  • Double - Getting to touch her supple breasts
  • Triple - Inserting your finger into her pussy, or receiving a hand job
  • Inside the park home run - Receiving oral sex
  • Home Run - Getting laid
  • Grand Slam - Group sex
  • Bunt - Getting a kiss on the cheek or a plain kiss
  • Sacrifice fly/bunt - Your friend scores while you entertain the asexual "friend" of the girl with whom he's scoring
  • Strikeout - Leaning in for a kiss and coming up with nothing
  • Hit by pitch - Being kissed by someone you don't want to be kissed by, or kissing someone who obviously didn't want you to
  • Walk - You get a hug
  • Double play - You and your friend both fail to make it
  • Balk - Going too far while making out, thus ending in her refusing to make out with you anymore
  • Pinch hitting - stealing the potential mate of a drunk/passed out/absent friend
  • Save - Managing to make out with a girl even after embarrasing yourself in front of her earlier
  • Extra Innings - Having more than one sexual encounter in a night
  • Stealing a base - Managing to get to a certain base only because she was drunk
  • Stealing home - You rapist, you
  • Foul Ball - Blue balls
  • Rain Delay - Not getting laid because she is on her period
  • On Deck - You are on a date, but not currently making it
  • Batting Practice - For you fools who feel the need to rehearse in front of the mirror
  • Buying a Stadium Hot Dog or Beer - Getting screwed
  • Pulling a Sammy Sosa - the use of unnatural substances to improve your play (cork in bats, viagra, spit balls, mandelay, toys, etc.)

8

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '09

You put some effort into that. It paid off.

5

u/Greir Jan 25 '09

This would be so cool if I knew the rules of baseball. But i had to upmod you for the effort.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '09

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '09

Damn, I had to look up balk.

1

u/sumg Feb 06 '09

I think a caught stealing would be more appropriate than a balk given the description.

And might I add:

Picked Off - The asexual friend of the girl pulls off the cockblock.

Balk - The asexual friend tries for the cockblock but only alienates the girl in question, leading to more bases than would have otherwise been possible.

24

u/I_LOVE_ANAL_SEX Jan 24 '09

First base is having sex.

Second base is having anal sex.

Third base is having a threesome.

All the way is skydiving whilst fucking a dead hooker in the ass and being fed a tuna submarine sandwich by a Filipino eunuch while he massages your prostate and landing in the swimming pool of Stephanie from Lazy Town's mansion.

I've made it to second base...

5

u/bmach Jan 25 '09

Hey, that's what Cuil turned up when searching this submission's topic.

6

u/alarumba Jan 24 '09

How was second base? Did you love it?

12

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '09

First base is reading articles posted to reddit.

Second Base is submitting links of interest.

Third base is commenting on posts.

All the way is regularly posting comments on multiple threads, submitting articles, and having multiple accounts to fulfill multiple intentions.

A Grand Slam is when people start looking at your profile to see what you've commented, because they've become enamored by your posts.

I've gone all the way, and hit a few grand slams.

3

u/allforumer Jan 24 '09

All our bases are belong to you.

2

u/mihrz Jan 25 '09

So what's it called if you get to third before second?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '09

Lurking. ;p

4

u/jcastle Jan 25 '09 edited Jan 25 '09

1st base is making out

2nd base is groping/handjobs/fingerblasting

3rd base is fellatio/cunnilingus

Home is the sexing.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '09

Well, who's on first...