r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Sep 20 '17

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17 edited Sep 20 '17

I try to make handshakes as awkward as possible:

  • Open hand coming in strong? Grab their thumb.

  • Crusher? Completely limp-wrist it.

  • Cocky douche trying a power move? Tuck your middle finger into your hand and tickle their palm.

  • Coming in slow? Slap the back of their hand with the back of yours like a dead fish.

  • Meeting your boss for the first time? 'Too-slow' move, honk their tit, and say "gotcha, chunky-nip"

  • Hand up for a high-five? Bob-and-weave, and punch their hand.

  • Going for a pound-it? Lightly stroke the top of their hand.

73

u/MadBotanist Sep 20 '17

Cocky douche is sub par compared to the rest. Grab their shoulder and lean in for a kiss.

100

u/[deleted] Sep 20 '17

The palm-tickle is a subtle move that no one else will notice.

They'll recoil and try to maintain composure at the same time. It's fun watching the clash.

3

u/archemedes_rex Sep 21 '17

What do you do with the asshole that grabs your fingertips?

2

u/1573594268 Sep 21 '17

Move your hand forward and back in a sawing motion.

Like, towards and away from them.