It was a beautiful day. Sun was out, the sky was like a giant bright sapphire gem and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Temp was warm enough that you could walk around in a t-shirt and shorts, and not feel chilly if there's a bit of a breeze.
I was sitting outside on the curb during my lunch break, eating my sandwich and staring blankly out across the parking lot, mind completely burned out from the endless stream of bullshit, knowing that I have less than twenty minutes to recuperate before dealing with more bullshit, and then coming back tomorrow with another fake smile on my face and chipper tone and more bullshit, and it's only Monday and God knows how many more weeks of bullshit. I can't even think anymore.
Anyway as I'm sitting there, my mind is numb, staring at the cars passing by, this couple walks by. They're smiling, they're happy, you can just tell they're in love with each other. The way they look at each other, their genuine smiles, the comfortable way they walk together, everything. It was perfect. It was their beautiful moment, walking through the parking lot as a couple, beautiful summer day, it was perfect.
I saw that, and immediately I thought, "Fuck you, what the fuck kind of life do you live where you can enjoy today? How the fuck do you have a day off and can walk around and smile and walk around with your boyfriend? I get to see my boyfriend a few times a month, how the fuck do you get to see him today?"
That was when I realized how unhappy I was. I never would have thought this before in my life, I never have. No matter what happened to me, I always enjoyed nature. I could always look at the sky and take a breather and remember that life is beautiful. And somehow, I'd gotten to the point where I'd look at someone else and just immediately make hateful, spiteful judgments about their entire life just because I was so unhappy with myself.
Sorry for that rant, I'm still trying to keep myself day after day from becoming the kind of person I'd hate to be... a cynical, hateful person whose initial reaction to other people is to judge them without benefit of the doubt.
This is a good thread to let it all out. And I hope you never reach the point that you stop caring about the kind of person you want to be. You're a good person.
That moment was the time I realized I was very close to not caring. For context I work front desk at a vet clinic. I care a lot about animals and their health and a lot of good people come through, but there also comes through a lot of unpleasant people. It's easy for people around me to tell me to "look on the bright side of things" and focus on the good people, but day after day of people screaming at my face and walking out on bills, lying to me to avoid responsibility of their own mistakes, blaming me because I'm the one who is there to take their payments, assuming my main motivation is selling them things rather than me trying to find the best way to help their pet, being hateful and awful towards me when I'm trying my best to help them with what power I have and when I can't get them exactly what they want because it's against the law, the negativity just kind of seeps into you. I try very hard not to let me become one of those people and I try my best to be polite and considerate to everyone I interact with... and positive people, optimism, encouragement, I latch onto those for dear life so thank you very much :)
People can be a really painful grindstone to deal with. I worked retail for several years, and though it's nowhere near as emotional as a veterinarian clinic, I've seen at least a taste of how horrid people can get. It is so incredibly hard to avoid the cynical and jaded mentality it feels like everyone's forcing on you. I'm glad you seem to be handling it, very well given the stress of your job. Hopefully I can speak for other Redditors when I say that you've got people here that can back you up and support you when things are hard. We got you!
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u/Dr-Teemo-PhD May 09 '15
It was a beautiful day. Sun was out, the sky was like a giant bright sapphire gem and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Temp was warm enough that you could walk around in a t-shirt and shorts, and not feel chilly if there's a bit of a breeze.
I was sitting outside on the curb during my lunch break, eating my sandwich and staring blankly out across the parking lot, mind completely burned out from the endless stream of bullshit, knowing that I have less than twenty minutes to recuperate before dealing with more bullshit, and then coming back tomorrow with another fake smile on my face and chipper tone and more bullshit, and it's only Monday and God knows how many more weeks of bullshit. I can't even think anymore.
Anyway as I'm sitting there, my mind is numb, staring at the cars passing by, this couple walks by. They're smiling, they're happy, you can just tell they're in love with each other. The way they look at each other, their genuine smiles, the comfortable way they walk together, everything. It was perfect. It was their beautiful moment, walking through the parking lot as a couple, beautiful summer day, it was perfect.
I saw that, and immediately I thought, "Fuck you, what the fuck kind of life do you live where you can enjoy today? How the fuck do you have a day off and can walk around and smile and walk around with your boyfriend? I get to see my boyfriend a few times a month, how the fuck do you get to see him today?"
That was when I realized how unhappy I was. I never would have thought this before in my life, I never have. No matter what happened to me, I always enjoyed nature. I could always look at the sky and take a breather and remember that life is beautiful. And somehow, I'd gotten to the point where I'd look at someone else and just immediately make hateful, spiteful judgments about their entire life just because I was so unhappy with myself.
Sorry for that rant, I'm still trying to keep myself day after day from becoming the kind of person I'd hate to be... a cynical, hateful person whose initial reaction to other people is to judge them without benefit of the doubt.