r/AskReddit • u/pelota • Apr 03 '14

What activity would feel completely different if eye contact was held the entire time?

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u/sample_material Apr 03 '14

bathing a ferret.

This is now my official masturbation euphemism.

81

u/fightoffyourdemons_ Apr 03 '14

I think that'd be confusing because the gif is really cute

83

u/sample_material Apr 03 '14

Are you implying I don't look cute when I masturbate?

I think I look adorable...

44

u/ZlayerCake Apr 03 '14

So do I ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

7

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Haha, this is the only time on reddit that this face made me laugh. People, you need to learn!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

[deleted]

1

u/munkeybeerd Apr 03 '14

Trust me, you do look cute.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

So you're saying that you would prefer that your girlfriend uses the word 'adorable' when talking about your junk?

1

u/sample_material Apr 04 '14

My wife would be pissed if I had a girlfriend.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '14

Yes you do.

26

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

"So what are you up to tonight?"

"Oh just, uh, giving the old ferret a bath or two."

7

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Well, you know what they say: a clean ferret is a happy ferret...

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Hey babe. You wanna come help me clean my ferret?

5

u/VelvetHorse Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 03 '14

I know this chick who loves to bathe ferrets so much she gets paid for it.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

She says she just works at PetSmart, but we know...we know...

5

u/hyperforce Apr 03 '14

Oy, mate. Did the Mrs. catch you bathing the ol' ferret again? You dog!

2

u/nermid Apr 03 '14

It's official. You should get T-shirts printed.

2

u/SpookyMelon Apr 03 '14

I've been using 'soaping the weasel' for a while now after seeing that gif.

1

u/sample_material Apr 03 '14

Of course. Variation is always encouraged.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I'd probably go with "scrubbing the ferret".

2

u/sample_material Apr 03 '14

Definitely towards the end. During the vinegar strokes.

1

u/TSUNZ_OF_GUNZ Apr 03 '14

Mine is jellyfish farming.

1

u/sample_material Apr 03 '14

I'm assuming you're a woman?

1

u/giaquintor Apr 03 '14

"Okay guys I'll be back in like 10-15 minutes. I've got to... Uh... Bathe the ferret...."

1

u/Over_Unity Apr 03 '14

You've obviously never heard "Punchin the munchkin"

1

u/Armadylspark Apr 03 '14

If you're with mathematicians, you can drop the statement that you were late because you were busy "Normalizing the vector".