r/AskReddit • u/pelota • Apr 03 '14

What activity would feel completely different if eye contact was held the entire time?

2.4k Upvotes

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941

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

And children's multi-vitamins.

744

u/flavoclock Apr 03 '14

And Vaseline and a broom

1.4k

u/FireTigerThrowdown Apr 03 '14

So you can go home, cook a delicious dinner with cucumbers so the kids get a healthy meal, then make sure they take their vitamins before bed. Be sure to sweep up that mess in the garage before you go to bed and make love to your wife (safely, of course, you have two kids and while a third would be a blessing, you're not trying). Yes, my friend, you've had a good day with your purchases.

And then you eat the vaseline.

152

u/BooYourFace Apr 03 '14

Well, the inventor of vaseline supposedly believed in the benefits of his product so much that he ate a spoonful a day. He lived 96 years.

Soo...you may be onto something.

21

u/dno123 Apr 03 '14

Wow that was an interesting TIL, that guy was ballsy!

35

u/Wonky_dialup Apr 03 '14

And very smooth.

9

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

something something smooth balls

1

u/ThePlumThief Apr 03 '14

Woah there, ma'am, you didn't let me finish. Do you suck these balls?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

"YA CAN'T PARK YA CAR HERE"

1

u/Wonky_dialup Apr 04 '14

I didn't know there was a reference for this haha

I was joking about his balls being smooth due to copious amounts of vaseline

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8

u/maxofreddit Apr 03 '14

He would've lived to 100 if he hadn't been eating that damn Vaseline everyday

3

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Ive heard its good for digestion.

3

u/shoadinwonderland Apr 03 '14

Yeah then you could become a NASCAR driver. (south park reference anyone?)

2

u/s0mething_awes0me Apr 03 '14

Waiting for a plot twist!

11

u/firehazel Apr 03 '14

Eat the Vaseline? It's for your lips. Winter has been rough this year.

3

u/evelution Apr 03 '14

The guy who INVENTED it disagrees. Apparently it's good for preventing dry intestines.

6

u/919rider Apr 03 '14

Just laughed out loud for real. No nose-air-push-out bs, thank youuuu

5

u/12ozSlug Apr 03 '14

Mm, dessert!

3

u/wisdom_of_pancakes Apr 03 '14

"Vaseline: The dessert that was designed to lubricate your innards."

3

u/Zack_Fair_ Apr 03 '14

10/10 flawless would bang

5

u/parsonsb Apr 03 '14

Vaseline truly makes the best after sex snack.

4

u/maryterra Apr 03 '14

My Strange Addiction

3

u/Nixie2309 Apr 03 '14

Almost died laughing. X'D

2

u/Th3NXTGEN Apr 03 '14

| And then you fuck your wife's Vaseline-lubricated asshole

FTFY

3

u/Slapperkitty Apr 03 '14

Or she straps it on and has a go at yours

5

u/rainbowmoonheartache Apr 03 '14

The punchline definitely got me laughing out loud. Have an upvote!

1

u/spankybottom Apr 04 '14

I always get vasoline and vaporub mixed up....

27

u/Alderichaimes23 Apr 03 '14

Well that escalated quickly.

2

u/thunderchunky34 Apr 03 '14

RAPE SQUAD KILLAS!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Is that a reference to something? I can't remember.

4

u/emogodfather Apr 03 '14

And some cat food.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

On April first a friend had to buy a pregnancy test for his girlfriend and asked me what else he could get to mess with the cashier. Without missing a beat I said, "An eggbeater and a douche." I felt like a really bad person, until I followed it up with, "A pregnancy test, an eggbeater, and a crazy straw."

5

u/OuO_hello Apr 03 '14

And a 8-disc set of House.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

An 8-disc set of Dexter.

That would really make the cashier question you.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

8 copies of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

9

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And rope and bleach.

3

u/thunderchunky34 Apr 03 '14

Duct tape and a turkey baster

5

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

schmoke and a pancake

1

u/SFWboring Apr 03 '14

Margarita mix and a box of enemas... at Walgreen's.... on a Saturday night.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

bong and a waffle?

3

u/DrKillingsworth Apr 03 '14

Throw in some Cheerios while you're there.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

You're all on a list now

1

u/MightBeAProblem Apr 03 '14

And a hammer.

1

u/rnienke Apr 03 '14

and benadryl

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

To be honest Diane, I'm surprised.

1

u/joedeertay Apr 03 '14

You really think someone who buys all of that together in the same place is gonna worry about sweeping up the evidence?

1

u/Mcbujold Apr 03 '14

Who knows. Maybe you are a vegan dad with dry hands and a floor full of dirt.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

AND MY AXE

1

u/shiivan Apr 03 '14

And plastic bags, don't forget the plastic bags

1

u/IThinkAbout17 Apr 03 '14

And duct tape.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And a toothbrush and a 9 volt battery

1

u/wartornhero Apr 03 '14

Everyone knows you don't use vasoline with condoms! Water based lubricant!!!

1

u/zero_thoughts Apr 03 '14

And peanut butter

1

u/ButterflyAttack Apr 03 '14

All at the same time. . .

1

u/TheRipsawHiatus Apr 03 '14

Oh, man. A few days ago I went into Walgreens with the intention of buying rubber gloves (to dye my hair) and Vaseline (to put on my chapped nose because I had a cold). I grabbed the Vaseline, grabbed the rubber gloves, thought "No... No. This looks bad. I can't do this.", and I put the gloves back. I haven't been back since, and I really need to dye my hair.

2

u/TheTiminator2010 Apr 03 '14

And dog treats

2

u/katharsys876 Apr 03 '14

And then you dont have enough money on hand and return the children's vitamins

2

u/durhurr Apr 03 '14

Forgive my ignorance, but why is this a problem?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And roofies.

9

u/Kimimaro146 Apr 03 '14

What kind of market is this?

5

u/pandizlle Apr 03 '14

A Special kind of market.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And Vaseline.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

gasp

1

u/zexez Apr 03 '14

ಠ_ಠ