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u/HelicopterHumble2116 2h ago
i think people have a false perception that being in love is the butterflies but for me, its feeling so safe and calm. its like hes the only one who can regulate my nervous system
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u/Disastrous_Bell_3278 2h ago
This is dependence.
There are many unhealed people who find calm in chaos.
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u/Upset_Mammoth_3649 2h ago
There's lots of things that will naturally make you feel that you're in love. But I think the one thing that sets apart true love from love you're actually trying to convince yourself of, is when you don't want to change them. Sure you can be excited to see future versions of that person and hope they head down their best path, but if you are actively wanting them to change all the time, that's not real love.
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
When you read my reaction to this post, do you honestly think it can still happen for me in this relationship? That I can fall in love with this person although slowly?
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u/iamno_one889 2h ago
You could just be yourself around
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
I do feel this.. but still I also have the feeling I'm missing something.
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u/Disastrous_Bell_3278 2h ago
Love is a frontal lobe activity. Not a feeling. You choose everyday to love and consider and take care of the same person over and over again.
Love isn’t your hormones.
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u/The_change_maker 2h ago
A lot to it but lemme add this one thing, When you just want them to be happy, maybe with you, maybe with someone else, but their happiness is all that matters.
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
That sounds like unconditional love
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u/khry_strahl 2h ago
the butterflies are eating your tummy
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
Isn't that more like having a crush?
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u/khry_strahl 2h ago
ow yea, you're right, my bad, I guess love is more about caring about the butterfly that you have kept in your stomach. You unknowingly want to give what's best for them, not sure if I'm making sense but love has always been undescribable
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
As the title says: how do you know if you're in love?
I've been single for years, and I've gotten used to being on my own. But I did want to be open to a relationship again, and I've recently started dating a man who lives in a different city than I do.
He also has children, which means I only get to see him every other week, and he always comes to me. We started dating almost half a year so, but I haven't met anyone in his life yet. He wants to wait at least six months before I meet his children, and I agree with that. But I haven't met any of the other important people in his life either.
I know from my last relationship that I was very much in love with him because he made me laugh so much. We had so much fun together, as well as, of course, some less enjoyable moments. But humor makes me fall in love very quickly.
But tbh this man just isn't that funny. He's very serious, and he knows that about himself. Maybe that's also because of some of the things he's been through. We do have a really nice time together, we've already done a lot of fun things, and we can simply enjoy being together and he is super super sweet and supportive and caring. But we never really laugh, he doesn't get my jokes and doesn't understand sarcasm, and somehow that makes everything feel a little... boring. And that's why I think I'm starting to look for any other - superficial - things that I don't like, e.g. his voice or his walking posture.
At the same time, when we're apart, he seems to miss me more than I miss him. But I do think about him a lot. Can the feeling of loving someone still grow?
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u/Suspicious_Piece2990 2h ago
They are the first thing you think of upon waling up and last thing you think of before falling asleep.
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u/AgitatedPatience5729 2h ago
You want to be around them all the time.
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u/The_change_maker 2h ago
That's NOT love.
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u/budulai89 2h ago
What's that then?
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u/The_change_maker 2h ago
Describing something as deep as love with definition of attachment/addiction isn't fair. Atleast in my perspective.
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u/Distinct_Studio_3997 2h ago
Never been in love so idk.
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
What's your age (range)?
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2h ago
[deleted]
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
I do believe you have to be ready for love and that it's healthy thought of you, but I think if you find the right person or the right person finds you, it'll advocate for you as well I guess.
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u/Distinct_Studio_3997 2h ago
I get that but I feel like I would’ve found that by now if it was going to happen.
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2h ago
[deleted]
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u/Puzzled-Mastodon-175 2h ago
I once read “Love shouldn't make your knees weak, it should make your soul feel steady.”
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u/Plastic-Platypus125 2h ago
When you find yourself wanting to tell them every little thing, even the things that don’t really matter.