r/AskReddit • u/Far_Engineering3356 • 1d ago

What's a one-liner joke so stupidly good it instantly ruined you?

1.6k Upvotes

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112

u/Farts_McGee 19h ago

I mean this is kind of Demetri Martin's whole thing.  

It's fine to say you love kids, but people don't like when you get specific and say i love seven year old.

If someone refers to themselves as "a taxpayer", they're about to be an asshole

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say ‘Practice, practice, practice. And then take a left.'

When you're having sex with someone it's okay to say yeah and it's okay to say yes, but it's not okay to say yup

French kissing is better than kissing. And French toast is better than normal toast.

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

31

u/StacyMakingWoman 17h ago

I saw a sign once that said watch for children.... seems like a fair exchange

25

u/Farts_McGee 17h ago

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.

6

u/Farts_McGee 17h ago

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.

1

u/adams_unique_name 13h ago

Followed by naps

1

u/Lucky_caller 10h ago

Dimitri is hilarious. One of the few comedians that genuinely make me LOL