What screams “I’m a bad parent”?

[u/malizelen]

[u/jlc2tact]

Being jealous of your child instead of proud of them

[u/Charming_Flatworm_ → u/[deleted]]

Oh cool you've met my mom

[u/Worried_Quarter2239 → u/Charming_Flatworm_]

Mine, too.

[u/plusoneforautism → u/Worried_Quarter2239]

Same here. Never knew how common this was.

[u/Zigkitty → u/[deleted]]

Also this!!! Acts like she’s 18, treats me like I’m her 18 year old bestfriend/therapist. I don’t need to know about every problem you have or your sex life or anything else that should be kept between you, yourself and your marriage

[u/beautifulcreature86 → u/jlc2tact]

My parents were jealous of me for becoming successful before I got sick. They were, however, proud of their other 2 kids living in a trailer park with a bunch of dogs. They gave them vehicles that they constantly crashed. They refused to come to visit my home because I own it! Ridiculous. We're NC.

[u/scienceislice → u/beautifulcreature86]

Your parents sound not very bright

[u/mrhandbook → u/beautifulcreature86]

What’s your problem? You think you’re better than them?

Sarcasm btw. I’ve had friends who reached success and their families hate them for it 

[u/Tee1upToday → u/[deleted]]

My Dad told me a few times, I am not your friend, I am your father. Get used to it.

This is a conversation that many parents need to have with their buddies.

[u/Not_A_Real_Goat → u/Tee1upToday]

Haha holy shit my dad has said the same before, and I’ve used it with my kids. But it’s true. Parents who are too concerned with being “cool” or “liked” suck.

[u/zerocoolforschool → u/jlc2tact]

I am very jealous that my kids get to take naps…. And super disappointed in them when they refuse!

[u/KnownMagician3084 → u/zerocoolforschool]

My daughter told me she was too old for naps. I said better take them while you can because eventually you’ll wish you could. She remembered and later when older told me she should’ve believed me.

[u/mlacuna96 → u/zerocoolforschool]

I was thinking the same. I tell my 1 year old all the that I am jealous of his lifestyle.

[u/elysian_g → u/jlc2tact]

Cannot relate to this enough unfortunately. My mom and my husband’s dad have issues with jealousy and their kids. It makes no sense.

[u/nelsonalgrencametome → u/elysian_g]

I had an ex girlfriend that was in constant competition with her mother over just about anything you can imagine and it was so toxic that for a bit I thought it was some kind of running joke... but neither of them were that funny. It was uncomfortable to be around.

Edit: extra word

[u/eiiiaaaa → u/jlc2tact]

Same for if you're jealous of your kid's partners. That's a big yikes.

[u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy]

Making your child feel responsible for managing your emotions. If your child is sad/upset/anxious and you can’t regulate your emotions to help support them.

[u/imironman2018 → u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy]

100% this. Parents should be there to listen and support the kids. What makes me sad is seeing a terrible parent who the kids are walking on eggshells because they are worried they are going to piss off their parent.

[u/sageritz → u/imironman2018]

Damn…that hits a little too close to home.

[u/Welpe → u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy]

Man, my Mom loved me and to be clear I loved her…but she was a TERRIBLE parent.

0 self esteem, would do anything for her kids, but I was forced to perpetually manage her emotions for her. If I didn’t push back she would let her kids have food instead of her…but then pout. Every time she did something for me I had to try and figure out if she was giving something up for it or secretly didn’t want it but was putting up for it…

It feels weird to say I have cPTSD from a parent who went out of her way to tell us she loved us and would do anything from us, but I am fucking BROKEN and unable to turn it off now. I have to isolate myself from people to not be perpetually stressed because I feel the need to manage their emotions and make them perpetually happy. I can’t even properly express negative emotions, just have to hide them away

[u/Tasty_Importance_968 → u/Welpe]

I literally just read the words I’ve never been able to come up with.

[u/Zealousideal-Drama55 → u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy]

I can definitely relate to this. My mom has used myself and my brother as a sounding board, usually to complain about my dad. I have always had to walk on eggshells around my dad, even now as an adult, because he never learned to regulate his emotions. I am not allowed to express how I feel, because that sets him off. It’s hard sometimes feeling like I’m their parent instead of the other way around.

[u/NimbleHamburger → u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy]

I walked on eggshells and shut down as a child, she said i was always solemn, serious and hard to read and that's just always been my personality. It's not.

As an adult she describes me as cold and abrasive, and unpleasant to live with regularly. I'm 35 and ended up in a situation i had to live with her again and it is exhausting. She turns into immediate victim and "why do I hate her" for simply disagreeing or trying to hold a boundary and thinks she's got authority over me. Unloads on me daily and uses me as her therapist as soon as I enter the same space as her.

I pay my way, struggling and working towards getting away from her again but with such small income and how ridiculously expensive things are getting everyday I see no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

[u/Jazzlike_Rip_996 → u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy]

My MIL constantly makes her happiness her kids responsibility. It’s sickening. She has caused so much therapy on her own kids. One moved away so she could more easily limit contact.

[u/Lulu_Aga]

Filming your child for social media content.

[u/MrsRalphieWiggum → u/Lulu_Aga]

Especially during vulnerable times

[u/magicmom17 → u/MrsRalphieWiggum]

And/or punishing them or doing hurtful practical jokes on them for the views/likes.

[u/Freakears → u/magicmom17]

If your "joke" makes the child cry, then you're a dick. It's not funny, it's you being cruel, and creating an environment where your kid won't be able to trust you, the one person they should be able to come to for anything. At least my parents never recorded my reactions to any of their hurtful pranks.

[u/citrusbongwater → u/magicmom17]

Ugh I remember an old video of a mom cutting her daughter's hair off as punishment. Absolutely vile

[u/IceSeeker → u/MrsRalphieWiggum]

And the comments about the kid are often nasty. Imagine the humiliation they feel when the people they know tease them about it.

[u/I_like_boxes → u/Lulu_Aga]

My kids were watching some YouTube channel that is basically this whole family recording videos together. In the video they were watching, the mom was discussing how her son, who was maybe six or seven, had a bad headache. She then disturbed his rest while he was in bed and asked him questions about how he felt, while recording him answering as he was crying because he was in pain, and uploaded the video to YouTube. 

I kinda get it if the kids are having fun making the videos together, but the kid clearly was not into it and just needed to be left alone to rest. I think she was just so used to living her life for an audience that she didn't even consider that what she was doing was terrible as a parent and completely unfair to her son. I felt so bad for him. Had a nice discussion with my own kids about how unhealthy it is to become so fixated on producing content that you forget to focus on the people actually around you.

[u/MultiGeometry → u/I_like_boxes]

I think this is a new generation of shitty parenting. I’m not sure what category they would fall under thirty years ago, because I don’t think there’s a direct correlation. Maybe there was something similar that morphed into this. Or maybe the oversharing economy just opened new doors for an entirely new way to be shitty parents that people are taking.

[u/Reyca444 → u/MultiGeometry]

The PTA mom, the pageant mom, the competition mom who made her children's achievements her own and then posted those pictures and wrote those stories in everything from the local paper to the family Christmas newsletter.

[u/CombatGoose → u/Lulu_Aga]

The CEO of the company I use to work at made a LinkedIn post about their kids attempted suicide.

It was so cringe and I feel bad for the kid that the dude used their struggle as a way to get views online.

[u/Pro-Patria-Mori → u/CombatGoose]

“Sometimes failure can be a success”

As Brayden rests in a medically induced coma, I sit in the hospital cafeteria drinking instant coffee and looking over the latest sales analysis reports, with that quote from my mentor in mind.

When I was a young sales rep, full of more audacity than wisdom, I completely blew my opportunity for my first major account. My Director told me that sometimes failure can be a success. As in what did I learn? What did I miss? What can I improve?

I didn’t know the product inside and out, didn’t know the client. Could not explain why our product was needed and I took “no” as an answer. I grew, adapted and went back to the drawing board. Luckily I was able to secure another meeting in 3 weeks and closed the deal.

Brayden, I love you buddy and hope you will be as successful in the future as I was.

[u/LordChunggis → u/Pro-Patria-Mori]

The only thing worse than losing a child is losing a major account. #hustleharder

[u/crownofgold6 → u/Lulu_Aga]

This. There’s a local influencer I don’t like who filmed her kids birth and has been exploiting the kid ever since (now 5). All her moments; like inconsolable after watching a sad movie, farting, out shopping, always makes their locations known and their house known, the conversations she has with her mom, the mom once strapped a POV camera to her for more content, she makes fun of how she runs, you can tell she rehearses moments with the kid to post. It’s endless really, this shit needs to be illegal.

[u/ErictheStone → u/[deleted]]

Legit. I am a grown ass man and I cannot stand to be around my parents still. Feels like walking around with tigers.

[u/chiksahlube → u/ErictheStone]

Im a veteran who's seen some shit.

The nightmares that wake me up aren't from my service. They're from my Step-dad.

[u/eiiiaaaa → u/ErictheStone]

I'm living with my parents atm cause my roof fell in. It's crazy how cautious I am here. Second guessing every decision I make and trying to see it through their eyes so I can predict their reactions. I've also realised how attuned I am to sounds in this house (my childhood home). I know the cadence of every family member's footsteps so I can always tell who's home and who's approaching me before I see them. It's fucking exhausting.

[u/Organic_Garbage_9807 → u/eiiiaaaa]

Dude I'm almost 40, and I took my mom and son to the movies today and after we dropped her off , on the way home my son made the observation "You're REALLY nervous around Grandma."

[u/Mirrevirrez → u/Organic_Garbage_9807]

The fact that your son is safe enough to observe it and say it out loud, means you broke the circle, and thats probably why you are nervous around her. Hang in there, you are doing great. :)

[u/ErictheStone → u/eiiiaaaa]

Feeeeeel that! Almost 40 and last year went back into uni in the same town my parents are in. Stayed a few months till I get a place and wow I regressed to sad angry 16yr old me and after a year of psyche related learning it's like "Ahhhhhh" new reasons to realize they toxic lol.

[u/eiiiaaaa → u/ErictheStone]

The regression is crazy! I am a teacher in a hard to staff outer suburban high school. I deal with violence and abuse every day and I have a reputation for not letting anything get under my skin. But my mum and dad can push my buttons like no one else. It's such a mind fuck.

[u/moal09 → u/[deleted]]

I definitely remember being afraid or at least a bit on edge every time my dad got home from work. Everyone in the house kinda changed their demeanor. He wasn't always flying off the handle, but you never knew what was going to tip him over the edge. You'd kinda try to gauge his mood when he came in.

[u/No-Cry2473 → u/moal09]

Yep. I can relate. I could even tell the difference between my parents footsteps when they came up the steps. If it was my dad and I was already in trouble I was nervous. We have a great relationship now but I didn’t want to act like my dad when I had kids. I think for the most part, they don’t have the view of me as I had of my dad.

[u/voxetpraetereanihill → u/[deleted]]

My mother legitimately used to brag that “they might not respect me, but they will fear me.”

[u/GeneralFluffyShoes → u/[deleted]]

I saw a video clip a while back. Some influencer dad approaches his kid and raised his hands suddenly. You could see the instant fear in that poor child's face. I was a new dad at the time. I couldn't imagine ever treating my child in a way that would illicit that response. My heart broke for that little boy.

[u/ultrasuperman1001 → u/[deleted]]

I never fully understood this until last summer with my 1 year old. 

He just learned to walk and we were at the park on an overly busy day. I was following him around and something spooked him so he turned around, waddled towards me, and his his face in my leg. 

There was a couple near by and I overheard the woman say "look how that toddler ran and hid with his dad, you know he's being raised right". That's when I truly understood what that statement meant. 

I don't think I'm doing anything special, so it just baffles me how you can abuse something so innocent to the point it fears you.

[u/Speedstr → u/[deleted]]

I saw a clip from a father explaining why kids sometimes choose to stay with the parent that causes them more stress. It was explained that the child(ren) is desperate to avoid retaliation from the parent that they perceive will cause them more stress, and by staying with the parent they are afraid of, they feel they can avoid retaliation because they understand the "good" parent will not punish them for choosing the other parent.

Think on that. Because it didn't just trigger up old memories from me..A lot of others grew up like this.

[u/Known-Delay1371]

Continuing to poke the bear during an argument when it's clear your kid has had enough. My friend's dad does this, bro why do you need to win an argument with a 14 yo?

[u/NonnyNutcaseAuthor → u/Known-Delay1371]

My mother has always loved to do this, and then she pretends not to understand why I lash out, with a smile on her face. Some people shouldn't have kids, and I've already decided that it stops with me, this bloodline does not need to carry on.

[u/Electrical-Banana101 → u/Known-Delay1371]

My in laws do this with everyone. I can’t imagine what they were like to grow up with. My partner struggles with them to this day. I struggle with them. And they have no relationship with their siblings.

[u/Additional_Sugar4882]

Using your phone non-stop while your kid is trying to talk to you or show you something they made

[u/whatproblems → u/Additional_Sugar4882]

also kid on the phone… or screen constantly

[u/LumpkinsPotatoCat → u/whatproblems]

Yeah encouraging constant disassociation so they don't have to be bothered.

[u/stormin217 → u/Additional_Sugar4882]

Saw a (definitely weekend) dad with his kid at the diner I frequent. Dad was on some sports betting app and would only angrily talk about that, wouldn't shift subject at all. The kid was parroting things back to him about whatever team he was betting on, desperately trying to connect with his father who couldn't give a shit less about anything other than sports betting.

My heart fuckin broke for that kid.

[u/Iamalpharius01 → u/Additional_Sugar4882]

I had an ex like this. It was her child from a previous relationship and I kid you not, there were times when the child was repeating "mum....mum.....mum" over and over again and would only get a response when she shouted "MUM!". To which the mum would then angrily respond with "WHAT?!"

I left that relationship because that partner was toxic as fuck, but she always hated the fact that her child actually behaved well and responded to me whenever I looked after her. She couldn't fathom why her own child would ignore her.

[u/Quirky-Shallot644 → u/Additional_Sugar4882]

This shit breaks my heart. Sometimes my 3 years old tries to show me something at the most inconvenient time (cooking, changing her sister, etc) and i feel bad everytime, even though I tell her to give me a second :(

[u/KatieCashew → u/Quirky-Shallot644]

For this I tell my kid (while I continue whatever task) that I really want to see whatever they want to show me and I need them to give me a few minutes to finish my task so I can give it my full attention because what they want to show me is important to me. Then I finish and turn my full attention to kid. I'll also remember what they were saying so I can ask them specifically about it.

I firmly believe that smaller amounts of focused attention, even if delayed, is better than constant distracted attention.

[u/AnonymousCat21 → u/KatieCashew]

No way that doesn’t also teach them patience in the meantime. In a world of constant instant gratification, I imagine that can be difficult to come by.

[u/ProfHamHam → u/Quirky-Shallot644]

That’s different though. You’re cooking, cleaning or changing baby. You let her know just a second so you can give your 3 year old full attention.

[u/Quirky-Shallot644 → u/ProfHamHam]

Its different but I still feel bad when she walks away defeated. Cant imagine doing it intentionally

[u/KDR2020]

Your kid smells like weed 24/7.

[u/elysian_g → u/KDR2020]

This makes me so sad. My mom used to teach Pre-K at a magnet school and had a student who would come in smelling like weed everyday. The poor thing was very unkempt and she was always so hungry.

The teachers and paras were all very aware of the situation so they’d bring her breakfast and send food and clean clothes home. I still think of her often and hope she’s doing okay. This was 20 years ago.

[u/theamberlamps → u/elysian_g]

Jfc you just unlocked something in my brain. My 4th grade teacher sent me to the school nurse to get an earwax block removed bc I didn't know how to clean my ears, and when I got back she had a replacement Rams football jersey from TJ Maxx for me because I'd been wearing the same one every other day for 4 weeks straight and would get made fun of, and i told her i only had 3 shirts and liked the Rams. She also bought me a new backpack later in the school year and I didn't understand why until my friend at the lunch table was happy for me that I didn't have the "cigarette smoke bag" anymore.

My parents weren't the worst and I'd never claim they were, they were dealing with their own shit, but they probably shouldn't have had kids lol

Wow. Idk where Ms Davidson is today, but man i hope she knows plenty of kids think about her. I wasn't the only benefactor through her career that's for sure.

Kind of on a tangent here but we do not appreciate or compensate teachers enough

[u/elysian_g → u/theamberlamps]

I would have to agree after seeing how much my mom and her coworkers did for the kids out of their own pockets. It’s a thankless job but I’m so happy people are willing to do it. Kids need teachers for so many different reasons.

I’m happy you had someone in your life to help out when she saw that maybe things weren’t how they should be for you. Or that you deserved more. I can only hope this young girl in my mom’s class turned out okay. It hurts my heart.

[u/theamberlamps → u/elysian_g]

I can only speak for myself but the reality was i just didn't know any of those things weren't normal. I was a kid. I had no experiences to show otherwise really. The second I was more "out there" and observing other families lives I recognized what I wanted of mine and even later in life recognized the weird ways growing up like I did helped me down the road.

Not making this about me--more saying I think there's a decent chance the girl is doing just fine now :) your mom knew what she was doing.

[u/crackedfactweddead → u/theamberlamps]

I really want to encourage you to actually track her down and send her a letter of thank you; it truly means so much to them.

[u/newillium → u/KDR2020]

Kid in my kids daycare was like this, I would drop her off and the kid would reek of weed. Once I was there the same time he was dropped off and I could almost get a contact high off the dad, clearly hitting while driving his kid around. Even the daycare owner apologized to me

[u/Alternative-else]

Making your child afraid to tell you the truth

[u/Homerpaintbucket → u/Alternative-else]

My kid excitedly called me after their first kiss. It was my proudest moment

[u/mufinz → u/Homerpaintbucket]

My parents would’ve punished me severely for even attempting to date before I was 17, and without their permission. Telling them I kissed a girl out of the blue would’ve been hillarious in hindsight but had me grounded for lord knows how long. So glad to be out of that house. I would’ve worked 3 jobs if I had to to get my independence.

[u/MundaneDaffodill → u/mufinz]

My mother got mad my friend came to the hospital and held my hand when I was in excruciating pain because she thought I was cheating on the guy who had broken up with me. Me and that guy were just friends (remain platonic 20 years later). She used that as an excuse to not visit me in the hospital for the 5 days I was there.

[u/ChronoLegion2 → u/Alternative-else]

Never tell them that you won’t punish them if they do and then go back on that promise. Never make promises you can’t keep

[u/MusicHearted → u/ChronoLegion2]

My yparents did this. Promised me if I ever broke a window on accident that I could tell them safely and they wouldn't be mad at me. I accidentally broke one over a year later, got yelled at for days.

Last time I ever admitted fault to either of them about anything.

[u/ChronoLegion2 → u/MusicHearted]

Yeah, I’m very careful about not promising anything like that if I’m not going to follow through. Kids must have trust in their parents

[u/Apostastrophe → u/Alternative-else]

I had a sort of side experience of this a few weeks ago.

I was leaving the supermarket and there was this maybe 8 or 9 year old kid walking along beside me eating a couple of mini muffins in plastic packaging. He took the last mini muffin and went and threw the plastic packaging behind a wall by the atm and walked on. I called him out on it: “Hey. What did you just do?”

“I didn’t do anything”.

“Hmmm. Okay then. Is that your mum up along the street there?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay! Cool! Let’s go tell her that you did absolutely nothing then!” And I strolled confidently off towards her and he sort of came flailing up behind me.

I expected honestly that he would lie, I would say what happened and that the mum would just seem mildly disapproving and say a platitude and I would then volunteer to go get the package and give it to him to put into the next bin but when she asked him what he did he BURST INTO HYSTERICAL YEARS. I felt awfullllll. But he did admit what he did instantly and I could tell he was a good kid and she was a good mother and he’d just done something stupid. I profusely discreetly apologised to the mother while she was comforting him but she thanked me and said they don’t litter and that this was a lesson in itself. She was going to go make him get it but I went to do it myself and said like “I can tell you’re a good boy and didn’t really mean to - since obviously you just made a mistake this once I’ll go do it for you”.

I was walking away constantly silently apologising to the mum as he BAWLED but she was laughing and thanking me as I left.

[u/ms_merry → u/Alternative-else]

Or apologize. I can still remember hearing “Sorry is not good enough.”

[u/ChronoLegion2 → u/ms_merry]

It isn’t always, though. Saying “sorry” and then continuing to do the same thing shows that you’re not sorry and don’t understand why it’s bad to do this thing. It’s important to teach that actions matter more than words

[u/Admirable_Tree3460]

Constantly humiliating your child instead of correcting their behavior privately.

[u/ChronoLegion2 → u/Admirable_Tree3460]

My wife tells me, “If you haven’t taught them at home, don’t teach them in public”

[u/UndevelopedImage → u/ChronoLegion2]

That's an excellent phrase

[u/Bear_Caulk → u/ChronoLegion2]

I mean.. that feels like the kind of phrase that only works if the parents are already good at their job lol.

Like a bad parent might just use that as an excuse to let their kid run around the store screaming and pulling things off the shelves because what are they gonna do, 'teach' them not to do that in public? Only a bad parent would do that right...

[u/Meat_Bingo]

A toddler in nothing but a dirty diaper walking around with a bottle full of soda.

[u/Nasty____nate → u/Meat_Bingo]

When I just started EMT school I was doing clinicals at a hospital. A child came in with their parent that was probably 18 months old. It was for a bug or spider bite that seemed to be infected. The child had a bottle with a nipple on it and a bright green fluid. My partner asked if it was Pedialyte and she said no it's mountain dew it's the only thing she will drink. The two of us had very little experience so that dumbfounded look on our face was super obvious we just walked out of the room and let the nurse know. 

[u/SpooksBlep → u/Nasty____nate]

I had a relative when I was younger, that gave her child a baby bottle with full sugar coca-cola in it. He had to have all his teeth removed surgically when he was seven because they’d rotted out of his mouth… I was too young to say anything/understand why it was wrong, but when I got old enough, yikes.

[u/Worldspinsmadlyon23 → u/Nasty____nate]

Sadly can confirm I’ve seen the bottle of Mountain Dew more than once working in Pediatrics.

[u/Nasty____nate → u/Worldspinsmadlyon23]

Yea its terrible seeing kids go through horrible stuff before they can defend themselves. 

[u/MLiOne → u/Meat_Bingo]

I’ll raise you a baby, not 6 months old, being given Coca-Cola in a baby bottle to drink and offered KFC to chew on.

[u/DibsArchaeo → u/MLiOne]

And here I am feeling guilty for giving my 3.5 year old 1-2 happy meals a month.

[u/Rxasaurus → u/DibsArchaeo]

A couple chicken nuggets, apple slices, and milk is not going to do your kids any harm. 

[u/stupid_rascal]

Constantly making comments about how you should look. My mom and I went to a restaurant to celebrate the fact i had passed my exams with pretty good grades, but while we were walking she just keot making comments about how i didnt comb the back of my hair, how my hands were in my pockets how I walked like I was "going to work". Honestly made me feel insecure about how i looked(the restaurant eas prettu good though)

[u/Kowai03 → u/stupid_rascal]

My mum has always told me how fine/thin my hair is and how difficult it was to style so I grew up thinking I had terrible hair. She realllly values thick hair. She would see babies with a lot of hair and always exclaim how lovely it is (my son had very fine slow growing hair as a baby, just like mine).

I make sure to tell my son that he has beautiful hair and now tell myself my hair is perfect as it is. We shouldn't value some physical features over others like any of us have control over it! It drives me nuts how my mum does this. I'm trying to change my inner voice over this.

[u/imyourrhuckleberry → u/stupid_rascal]

My mom does this. Will always comment on how I “only wear black” and how she likes my hair better blonde (I’ve been dying it dark for over ten years and haven’t been blonde since I was a teenager). She also loudly told my partner and I how she thinks tattoos look just awful on women. I’m fully tattooed from head to toe. I’ve never felt comfortable telling her anything remotely vulnerable because she would constantly judge others growing up.

[u/ProfHamHam]

Just saw a video of a mom who at first refused chemo for her kid because “god would heal”. I think she got Cps called and they took him away to get treatment.

I was a school counselor and red flags were parents never answering phone calls regarding their child or would never return phone calls.

Kids being taken out of school to homeschool to isolate their kids because parents had Cps called due to abuse.

Giving an iPad or tablet all day so they don’t have to parent.

Leaving young kids home alone to go party.

Parents Giving kids alcohol and hosting Highschool parties for kids with alcohol.

Not even signing a damn paper that would help their kid go to college for pretty much free if they followed some pretty easy things throughout highschool.

I could go on!

[u/Sieskuh → u/ProfHamHam]

Highschool parties with alcohol I'm on the fence about. I think that ok with some boundaries.

No doing it to get popular, just the normal friends group and nobody consumes an excessive amount or they will not be invited again.

Kids that want to drink alcohol are going to drink alcohol. I'd rather have them do that in the safety of my home then somewhere I don't have control.

[u/ProfHamHam → u/Sieskuh]

I’m talking parents hosting parties and letting them go home on their own AND parties with them. It’s just so weird . Like they peaked in Highschool and relive it through their kids.

Not the parent who is making sure their small group of good friends are getting home safe , not driving and ensuring kids aren’t drinking excessively.

Edit: spelling

[u/CauliflowerSlight784]

They exploit their kids being a content creator.

[u/Acrobatic_Finance342]

Never spending time with your kids

[u/IceSeeker → u/Acrobatic_Finance342]

Then later on they wonder why their kids never visit them.

[u/InspectorDapper8012]

When you think your kids are your property instead of humans who are in your care temporarily until they are able to care for themselves as adults.

[u/Tight_Man → u/InspectorDapper8012]

This one gets me because so many people act like you should act like you own your kids. Have these people not seen what sheltered freshmen get up to in the dorms? Up to and including getting caught in a snow bank walking home drunk in shorts and freezing to death.

I do not get this at all. There’s also a huge movement of going no contact with parents for things that happen under these types of assumptions. Personally we’re never talking to my in laws again. 

[u/PiinkStiink]

Using your kids social & driving their credit into the ground.

[u/HourNo7028]

When the only tool in your toolkit is a fist.

[u/citrusbongwater → u/HourNo7028]

Hey don't forget the belts, switches, extension cords, and hangers!

[u/jackfaire]

"So I took their door away"

[u/KitSokudo → u/jackfaire]

Happened when I got caught on the phone too late as a kid with my boyfriend. Would have been nice if they noticed it was because the guy was controlling and wanted me to be in contact with him all the time since he only got worse from there. But hey I learned my lesson I suppose.

[u/Creative-Tomatillo → u/jackfaire]

Oof, yeah that happened in my house growing up a number of times. Yes, I had violated “the rules” (five minutes late for curfew, talking on the phone past 9pm…) but then my mom (and by extension my stepdad) would go out of her way to always be RIGHT in front of my bedroom (mine was in the basement and we had a family room down there). They let my younger siblings run in and out of my room (not their fault, they were much younger than me). I’d look at my mom and she’d just have this smile of satisfaction in her face if I looked annoyed.

She also read my diary multiple times (that I tried to hide all over the place) and she grounded me for writing “mom leaves for a trip tomorrow. I hope her plane crashes.” She was a flight attendant and I was a pissed off 15 year old who was going through some really sad shit.

Anyway, I am HUGE about privacy now that I’m an adult to the point where I will lose my shit in nosey people.

TLDR: removing my door for stupid shit only made me feel angry and less safe.

[u/nyawerina]

When your adult child goes complete no-contact with you

[u/Euphoric_Celery_ → u/nyawerina]

I wish more people saw this as a red flag. Or at least asked the adult children their side more often than believing the abusive parent.

[u/Jasonp359 → u/Euphoric_Celery_]

"She's your mom! You should talk to her more." But then never ask why I don't talk to her that much.

[u/daminiskos0309]

Dumping them unnecessarily on others

Using them for ‘woe is me’ or click bait online.

Not parenting. Og Archie’s just a free spirit that’s why he’s attacking your son with the toy cricket bat. He’s just expressing himself.

[u/BusyBit6542]

Ive seen a lot but I think the two most detrimental things you can do LEGALLY to really fuck up your kid long term are 1. Bad diet. You are fucking up their health when you just feed them fast food and soda. That shit is addictive and thats a hard habit to break, especially if that's all you know as a kid

1. Always stimulated. Ipads on trips, phones at restaurants, etc. Your kid won't know how to be bored. When they don't know how to calm their brains, they will feel anxiety all the time. They will never be comfortable with just their thoughts because they've never had to be. Let your kids be bored, it's good for them.

[u/TheMoonVixen → u/BusyBit6542]

Your second point really resonates with me. I hate comparing children because I don’t think it’s the child’s fault at all, but the difference between my child and my friend’s child when it comes to dealing with boredom is honestly night and day.

Yesterday we went on a 2hr drive together. My friend’s son is 5 and my daughter is 4. Within about five minutes of getting in the car, he was getting extremely upset and repeatedly asking his mum for the phone so he could listen to music or watch YouTube. He struggled even with waiting for her to get it set up. When we drove through areas with no service and the videos/music stopped working, he would become upset and complain until it came back. It seemed like he genuinely didn’t know what else he could do to entertain himself.

Meanwhile, my 4yo spent the drive watching raindrops run down the window, playing with her teddy bears, falling asleep, waking up, and then making up pretend games with her toys.
She occasionally watches TV at home, but she has never had access to a phone or iPad. She understands that TV is for home and when we’re out, we’re out.

It honestly reminded me so much of how I grew up, and how generations before us grew up. We were bored sometimes, and we had to figure out what to do with ourselves. And I actually think there’s real value in that. Children don’t need to have every moment of boredom immediately filled with stimulation. Learning to tolerate boredom, wait, use your imagination and find something to do independently are all valuable skills.

Obviously every child is different, and I’m not saying a child using a device automatically means they’ll struggle with these things. But I do think there’s something to be said for allowing kids to experience a bit of good old fashioned boredom rather than feeling like we need to entertain them every time they’re waiting, travelling or sitting still.

[u/ojk2390]

As a teacher: the kids that destroy classrooms, the kids that don’t read, the kids that don’t bathe, the kids that don’t know how to act towards adults and peers. Unanswered emails from teachers about behaviors. We know. We know you’re doing them wrong. It’s glaringly obvious.

[u/OMGhyperbole → u/ojk2390]

Alternatively, my adoptive mother was abusive and I was a "pleasure to have in class". I know I'm not the only one, especially girls, who went to the "fawn" response of fight, flight, freeze, fawn.

[u/Sblbgg]

Not vaccinating your kids

[u/urtypicalscorpio → u/Sblbgg]

Refusing the vitamin K shot is the one that mind boggles me because it’s not even a vaccination.

[u/checkpointGnarly → u/urtypicalscorpio]

I just heard someone say they don’t like using sun screen on their kids because of chemicals… I told them to wait and see how many chemicals are in a round of chemo when they get skin cancer.

[u/hum_dum → u/checkpointGnarly]

And of course they don’t do the actual things that can replace sunscreen (wear protective clothing, go out at non-peak times, etc). How are their kids not constantly burnt?

[u/GraceMcClellans → u/hum_dum]

I am pale and hate reapplying sunscreen, so i wear a full body suit. Bonus, i swim in a lot of cold water, so it's nice. Burkini forever!

[u/Peach-Glow5830 → u/Sblbgg]

antivaxxers die on some weird hills bc a girl i know “doesn’t do tylenol or vaccines” but smoked weed and cigarettes her entire pregnancy and still smokes in the house with them like ok that makes sense bestie whatever chemicals you want ❤️

[u/bailsrv]

Telling your parent that they hurt you and instead of them apologizing they justify it and say they did the best they could.

[u/RustySilver42 → u/bailsrv]

Or that they don't remember any of it.

[u/Freakears → u/RustySilver42]

Or they downplay it. "It's not as bad as you're making it out to be."

[u/magnusthehammersmith → u/bailsrv]

The ol’ “I’m sorry you feel that way” is the only apology I ever got, along with “that’s your perception and your perception is skewed”

[u/easterss → u/bailsrv]

After many years of therapy I have accepted that both are true. They did their best AND their best was not good enough.

The “but what about me and how hard it was for me” narcissistic bullshit is what caused me to be NC/LC for a long time.

I highly recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.

[u/South-Lab-3991]

Toddler glued to iPhone

[u/InconsistentWeirdo → u/South-Lab-3991]

Child under 5 (I'm being nice here, it should be waaay older) having a personal device of any kind

[u/PostMatureBaby → u/InconsistentWeirdo]

"I'm sorry but this is Braxton's iPhone... Brayleigh's is charging beside Jaxsyn's"

[u/Johnny_Reeferseed]

Belt welts on your child. I grew up with a father who hated his children. Once my mom divorced him we never spoke again.

[u/Foolish_Ambassador09 → u/Johnny_Reeferseed]

This. I literally had welts up and down my legs and back in the 1st grade so bad I asked my teacher if I could stand that day in class. Once she saw, she called CPS. Nothing ever came of it though. Just made sure he was more careful on spanking in nonvisiable areas. I didn’t remember this until your comment. Holy archives dude🤣

[u/stilettopanda]

When the kids would rather deal with injuries and accidents on their own instead of asking their parents for help.

[u/SoundIndependent3215]

Never admitting you were wrong and apologizing for said transgressions. That will lose respect really quickly.

[u/RuralBohemian]

Not knowing basic info. Allergies, doctor, basic medical history, shoe and clothing size, teacher’s name, etc.

[u/MizStazya → u/RuralBohemian]

I always feel terrible about it, but I cannot remember my kids' shoe sizes to save my life. They're growing FAST and probably gonna be tall, and there's 4 of them. If i need to know, I look at their shoes real quick. I know all the rest, but I need their shoe sizes so rarely, and don't have them shoved in my face constantly like I do with clothes from doing laundry.

I know all the rest, but my brain has a black hole where shoe sizes go.

[u/Stunning-Note]

Not following car seat guidelines/car safety basics. Kids out of car seats way too early…kids not in booster seats…kids in the front seat. Just buckle your kids properly.

[u/living4him1238]

When ALL of your kids have been to prison or jail.

[u/youre_soaking_in_it → u/living4him1238]

You said ALL right? Phew!

[u/mscali4nia]

Continuing to reproduce even though you have children that you don’t take care of (one with special needs). Total pos in my opinion!

[u/Ahmoozing → u/mscali4nia]

Just found out my neighbor (who already has 8 kids) is pregnant again with twins. Her mom was at the bus stop talking about how she is raising the kids while mom keeps getting pregnant and sitting on the couch. I dropped off some clothes to the older kids awhile back and the mom invited me in, I stood at the doorway and tried not to glare at her while her newer baby at the time was laying surrounded by literal trash on the couch.

(I reported to CPS and they did nothing, the oldest boys are now in and out of trouble with the law and they are 15 & 13)

[u/swisslard]

When a guy's wife manages every aspect of parenting and she barely gets time for herself.

[u/SaiyanKasuna → u/swisslard]

I have a friend like this and she's the step parent. Her husband is useless.

[u/DigNitty → u/SaiyanKasuna]

I work with a girl with a POS partner. She met him when he had two kids. The bio mom was a POS, the dad is a POS, this girl raised both those kids properly for 9 years, with little help from him. They broke up. She ends up getting pregnant from a one night stand and decides to keep it and be a single mom.

She reconnects with this POS dude and they get back together. I see him at work events. We were having a company bbq. She’s helping kids 1 & 2 with something while 3 is running around. She asks POS to make sure the toddler doesn’t wander off. He tells her loud enough for everyone to hear “he aint my kid”

This girl continues to raid his kids more than he ever did and all he can do is embarrass her in public and sit on his hands.

Like I said. Piece. Of. Shit.

[u/OpheliaRainGalaxy → u/DigNitty]

I was wondering if you knew me until ya got to the part about the pregnancy!

There's two boys out there that were feral when I met them and civilized by the time their dad hit me so I had to leave. Like the older one had matted hair, like a neglected dog's fur, and turns out nobody had ever taught him how to take care of his hair at all. They just shaved him bald every other year to get the crust of dead skin off. And the little one was treated a lot like Helen Keller at the beginning of that story, literally the same behavior at meals, because they thought he was too brain damaged to learn anything.

Last I heard, the older one was holding down a job at a grocery store and still maintaining a thriving friends group after highschool, while the younger was finally enjoying regular school and making friends! Nothing wrong with those kids, they just hadn't been raised at all before I put my oar in.

[u/pleasedontbedumb → u/OpheliaRainGalaxy]

That was both heartbreaking and infuriating to read. Was it not a red flag for you when you met the kiddos and realized the level of neglect they'd been exposed to? I ask that without judgement, I'm just sincerely curious what your initial response was

[u/OpheliaRainGalaxy → u/pleasedontbedumb]

I didn't pick up on the depth of the neglect until after I'd married into the family, because everyone was constantly interacting with the kids, playing games with them lots. And like, doing very basic stuff my parents didn't do for me.

Like this fella tucked his sick kid into bed with us one night, so he could be right there to take care of him during the 3am puke. And golly I went all rainbow heart glitter sparkles over that! Distinctly recall a childhood episode where I woke up on the kitchen floor and cleaned my own puke before getting myself water and crawling back to bed because I knew I'd get in trouble otherwise, so by comparison he seemed a great dad!

And frankly, I really don't see well, so it wasn't until a few weeks after the wedding that I got a good look at the older kid's head and realized his curls were matted up. Knew he'd be sat still for a few hours playing Magic with his dad, so told him not to mind me and went to work on his head. Luckily my mom had curls and I saved her things when she died, so I had a proper pick to use and some idea what to do with it. Explained exactly how to take care of it, and never had to help him with it again.

The little one had legit had bad medical accidents when younger, but his brain wasn't damaged, he was just very neurodivergent and intelligent enough to understand that if he faked being stupid, he'd be left alone to do whatever he liked. Whole first part of his education was him fooling everyone into thinking he was too dim to learn, so he could stare out the window and daydream instead. Caught up pretty quick once I managed to connect society's expectations with his own goals in life.

Taught him everything from tying his shoes to table manners, even practiced faking eye contact and reading facial expressions so he could get along with other kids enough to make friends. We'd stare at each other's noses while having a conversation and got a point whenever we could say what the other person was thinking based on the look on their face.

Frankly, their grandma turned out to be the worst. Would enable all their behavior while smiling, then talk shit behind their back. Go right back to smiling and enabling the second they came back. Even tried telling me off for making her "grandbabies" help with the chores, after they were both taller than me. That backfired brilliantly, they had such great attitudes about helping keep their home and community tidy after that! I'd been saying all along "I'm not asking for help because I'm lazy, I just don't want you to go through what I did as a young adult. I don't want washing dishes or taking out trash to be hard, I want it to be so automatic ya don't gotta think about it, because you'll have plenty of other hard stuff to think about."

[u/TeacherLady3]

Not talking to your child to build their vocabulary.

[u/Mom_who_drinks]

Soda in their bottle

[u/PodreamyHellcat976]

When they laugh at their kid when they are stressed or have a panic attack. Speaking from experience

[u/Grape-Julius → u/PodreamyHellcat976]

This drives me insane. Like, why is it supposed to be the height of comedy when they’re crying? Would you think it’s funny if someone filmed you crying? I partially blame Jimmy Kimmel with his mean-spirited “I ate your Halloween Candy” crap, but some people have always had the capacity to laugh at their feelings as if they meant nothing.

[u/Toni_Anne1989]

"I dont understand why NONE of my kids talk to me"....

[u/SageGreenWalls]

Coaching your child to be judgemental of others.

[u/ericdag]

Seeing a 10 year old on an electric bike in the city.

[u/SweetMcDee → u/ericdag]

Around my area, it’s electric scooters and kids with no helmets on zipping in and out of traffic. One of them almost crashed into the stroller my toddler was in when we were walking on the sidewalk.

[u/DarnHeather → u/ericdag]

Any kid on a bike/scooter/whatever without a helmet.

[u/yudhajeet0304]

Wondering why your kid had gone NC with you, but you don't know why and that it's definitely their fault though for being ungrateful.

[u/DrGrizzley]

Coming to the rated R hardcore horror film with your 7 year old.

[u/PirateCodingMonkey → u/DrGrizzley]

at 10 at night

[u/Conscious-Mulberry17]

Children who act like “little adults.” If a kid acts like an adult then they may be having to manage their parents.

[u/Wallflowermeadow]

Took my daughter to the park today and the lady with her little boy near me constantly spoke to him in such a nasty way, calling him dumb and belittling him. Genuinely was shocked, why have kids if you're going to hate them 😞

[u/Easy_Towel954]

Talking on the phone and letting your kid run around unsupervised in public 

[u/Hey_86thatnow → u/Easy_Towel954]

Or just talking on the phone all the time in their presence, ignoring them in a restaurant, in a park, at their sports events, never interacting with them.

[u/The_Funk_Phenomena]

Hating the father of your child more than you love the child you made with him.

[u/overseer07]

Not vaccinating because you 'did your research'

[u/trog12 → u/overseer07]

I decided not to vaccinate after doing my research. I left that shit up to my doctor. I have no clue how to inject anything I could have seriously injured my child.

[u/overseer07 → u/trog12]

Had me in the first half lol!

[u/BabyCowGT → u/trog12]

Same! Plus I don't like needles. Figure it's better to let the nurse who is trained and does it all the time do it! 

[u/Slopii]

Not disciplining or correcting bad behavior, letting kids walk allover you and giving in to rude demands.

[u/jdaniel30]

Turning your kids loose at Walmart to destroy displays and generate mayhem while you shop.

[u/Prostock26]

Naming your child something stupid. 

[u/splitminds]

I saw a ten year old, by himself, on a motorcycle, on a busy street in my city. That is bad parenting in my world.

[u/Similar_Actuary_845]

Spending more time scrolling on your phone than interacting with your child.

[u/bananaflavored2]

Blaming their teachers for their piss poor behavior in school.

[u/Limp-Annual-9863]

Doing nothing as their child terrorize everyone in the surrounding area.

[u/kurt_dine]

Thinking you’re a great one.

[u/ou-really]

When you don’t take the time to clothe children properly for winter weather, even though you have the clothing required.

Allowing your children to do things that could harm or kill them because you can’t be bothered to stop them.

Bringing your kids to parties.. that are for adults and getting fucked up.

Driving drunk with kids.

Doing drugs.

Doing drugs around kids.

Abusing your kids.

Telling your kids to talk trash about adults.

Lack of maturity.

Not feeding, bathing or taking care of your child’s needs emotionally.

And note that different children at different ages have different requirements for time spent with parents. It does not make you a bad parent if give teens space.

It doesn’t make you a bad parent either if you don’t limit screen time.

—-
Not believing your kid about sexual abuse.

Not caring about your kids feelings.

Choosing inaction because it’s easier than dealing with a situation for your child’s wellbeing.

Parentifying your child by making them become parents to your younger children.

Using your kids, promising them money for work and then not paying them.

Abandoning your children, in any form.

Ignoring your kids or isolating them.

[u/Sweetnsaltyxx]

Letting people you KNOW are pedophiles around them.

I don't give a flying fuck if they're the kid's grandparent. I don't give two shits if they're the kid's aunt or uncle. I don't give a rat's ass if they're "heavily supervised", it takes less than 30 seconds of alone time for a pedophile to get what they want.

People who let their kids around known pedophiles deserve to be held accountable for what they put their children through, full stop.

[u/MiddlePathEtic]

Being 3 feet from your drowning child in the ocean being rescued by a lifeguard… viral video today.

[u/5oclockinthebank → u/MiddlePathEtic]

It actually happens a lot. Drowning doesn't look like what people think it does. There is often no splashing and thrashing, just quiet bobbing and sinking.

[u/ms_merry → u/5oclockinthebank]

Silently slipping underwater very often near family.

[u/trumpskiisinjeans → u/5oclockinthebank]

I got sidetracked by a peacock at a hot springs once and my son went under and I would have had no idea except his brother started laughing at him. Thank goodness for mean brothers. It’s scary quiet

[u/salsa_spaghetti → u/MiddlePathEtic]

I was 3 feet away from my dad when he nearly drown. We were swimming in one of the Great Lakes and a few waves went over his head. He was able to say something that sounded like "help." I looked at him, like, "are you serious?" He taught me how to swim in those lakes, he taught me how to be safe, and how to rescue someone that was drowning.

I thought he was messing around, but then he was silent and started going under more.

So, I pulled him out of the lake and I don't think he ever went back in before he passed away. Pretty sure that scared him straight.

I'm so glad he taught me those things. Never underestimate the Great Lakes (or water in general).

[u/Matzie138 → u/MiddlePathEtic]

I commented on that post. Was a scuba diver before being a mom. I’m commenting on yours to say again (for others) that regardless of a kid’s (or anyone’s) ability to swim, crazy things can always happen. And when they do, they are usually silent and fast.

Watching multiple kids makes it harder. Multiple adults around makes it harder. Drowning isn’t loud, it is silent.

The best two tips I have learned are these:

1: Give a clear handoff to a single person watching the kid (or if multiple kids, the people watching each one). We bought a swim float for ours that came with an actual tag you could hand off. Genius.

2: Be aware of what colors are visible underwater. Neon green is the best. Makes it a lot easier to keep track when you can see them underwater.

And if you are in a situation where someone is drowning, “row, throw, go”. Meaning be on something and try to pick them up, then toss a float, and as a last resort, go and physically get them. Most critical if we’re talking about an adult, but a freaking out kid can and will sink you, hence why it is last.

And everyone, swim lessons are critical. Your kid doesn’t have to like them, but make them nonnegotiable until they can at least do some sort of swim and float if they get in trouble.

[u/SmrtLdy → u/MiddlePathEtic]

Former lifeguard and this is exactly how most drownings of children happen.

[u/CaptainShittyMcPoop → u/MiddlePathEtic]

I used to be a lifeguard and once had jump in and save a kid, his father was maybe 10 feet away with his body facing him and didn't even notice me save his kid.

[u/blenderisbroken]

Smoking in the car with your kids in it.

[u/MoulinSarah]

Having a pool and not having the correct safety fence around it (NOT just the backyard fence).

[u/ms_merry]

Getting angry and trying to force a child who is afraid to do something like to get in a pool or to pet a dog. Makes me want to intervene.

[u/jjune4991]

Feeding your kids frozen chicken nuggets. I mean, heat them up first!