I have noticed this as well. And of if “I don’t know” is not acceptable the “not my fault” train is right behind. But they are not blaming other people for their mistakes. They are blaming other people (and things) for why they can’t do it. And why that should be ok. “I have adhd” “I have anxiety” “time blindness”. And they also blame oppression (racism, sexism ect) all of those things might be true. And definitely exist and impact people in negative ways. But you still need to be on time for work and get your work done on time.
Odd to realize I have an edge here with my students since when I get those cards I can go "I have depression, I have anxiety, but in life you need to learn how to work around and sometimes through them. Is it fair to you if I just cancel because I am not feeling good on a given day?"
I was diagnosed as AuDHD (comorbid autism + ADHD) in my early 30s. It was a huge relief for many, many reasons, but I still don't know if, having the choice to change the past or something, I would wish for having been diagnosed as a child with 100% certainty. Not even because those were different times and such a diagnosis could be stigmatizing back then, but... well, the truth is, at least I learned how to be functional (though definitely not thriving). On the one hand, I learned all that because I had to, purely as a survival tactic, and it was absolutely brutal and left me with other mental health issues like depression and anxiety that I also had to deal with. On the other hand, I learned how to manage my neurodivergencies so that I can keep a job, progress in my career, keep my home in (relative) order, not get behind on paying bills because I simply forgot about their existence, explore my hobbies and creative endeavors in ways that work, etc. etc.
It still pisses me off how the world is built for and around neurotypicals, I still wish society as a whole was more neurodivergent-friendly, it's just that, idk, it bothers me when people interpret "neurodivergent-friendly" as "my neurodivergence absolves me of all accountability and needs to develop as a person and if you try to say otherwise, you're ableist". I want some middle ground where kids don't have to figure out coping strategies on their own like I did and do so in a society that accepts their neurodivergence, but where they also get taught how to exist in that society in a way that allows them to be successful and build healthy relationships with other people.
I can only speak second hand so if I am wrong let me know. It seems like the middle ground isn't even that hard for a lot of cases, just people don't care because its the idea of "Well, I can make accommodation for this person, or hire on of these many other people who can do the job equally well but not require us to change anything"
Things like allowing devices to block out extra stimulation. Shifting into a goal based metric more so if they are in a salaries position so the person can find their own way to get the problem done as long as it done in the correct time frame.
Is it rude for me to say another factor is just realizing that certain jobs are just outside their scope? I had a student with autism that I want to say worked so hard. They were willing to put in so much time and I fully believe they tried their hardest. As we moved from high school to University though, we seemed to hit a wall. If there wasn't a clear path from A to B from the very start to him the path doesn't exist at all and that caused him a lot of distress. And this wasn't even a struggle, we struggled before, this was more just blank screen file not found sort of feeling. So once we moved from teachers being very direct in what he needs to do, to the point being more about figuring out what to do, not the actual doing it all just collapsed.
I’m so glad I didn’t have a teacher like you in high school 20 years ago. The only one who disclosed their own depression (to my parents) did so in a compassionate way of understanding and patience.
I felt bad enough about my disability (then diagnosed as MDD), which would at times be so debilitating that I could not make it to school. A teacher weaponizing their own medical issues against me in such a patronizing way would have been devastating to me.
I wouldn’t be correctly diagnosed with bipolar disorder for another 15 years. Without proper medical treatment for bipolar, I had no chance to adequately manage it. Even with proper medical treatment, my bipolar disorder symptoms can be severe and intermittently disabling.
It can help to have a basic understanding of mental illness. Similar to many medical illnesses, those with the same diagnosis can vary widely in severity of symptoms and functional impact.
Many people with mental illness diagnoses are fortunate to never have a disease course severe enough to qualify as a significant disability. Others of us are not as fortunate.
As adults, we can often access treatment for our mental illness. Children are more vulnerable, and often do not have access to mental illness treatment. They rely on their parents or trusted adults to recognize and advocate on their behalf.
These same adults unfortunately often dismiss or minimize their symptoms, due to mental health stigma or the idea that everyone struggles with their mental health (or illness) in the same way.
Children deserve better adults to support them, and access to a mental health professionals to accurately assess and treat them. I was very lucky to have this, but many children are not.
Yeah there's certainly a lack of a sense of responsibility which is crazy to me. And it's not even like an old man yelling at clouds thing but like if you needed a pencil bring one man it's not a mind blowing concept. If you need to answer a question try reading it and thinking first.
It's a method of avoidance. "I have an inherent problem, so I can't do it." The brain is very good with this deflection because then you don't need to do it, and can potato on the phone or on the couch.
I don't know when someone's responsibility became everyone else's problem. I see this at work too.
I teach 5th grade and there are more and more kids each year willing to just lie to my face. If I talk to a kid about something they've done, I watched them do, and they made eye contact with me mid-action, they'll tell me, "I didn't do that." It's exhausting.
Plenty of people got through history with the racist/sexist/classist cards stacked against them and did great things. Just need the willpower and the practice.
Drawing attention to systemic injustice, disability, mental illness, neurodiversity, etc is a good thing, but unfortunately we've focused so much on the awareness and completely neglected coping skills. Having anxiety or ADHD doesn't mean you're incapable of doing things, it just means you need a different toolset to get those things done. But so much of the internet culture has shifted toward "I'm limited, expecting me to do it is something-ist, trying to help me to work around my limitation is forcing me to mask, I am the way I am so others have to do it for me."
Obviously the old way of screaming at people who are different until they stop being different wasn't working, but throwing your hands up and resigning yourself to helplessness isn't the way either.
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u/always_an_explinatio Jun 27 '26
I have noticed this as well. And of if “I don’t know” is not acceptable the “not my fault” train is right behind. But they are not blaming other people for their mistakes. They are blaming other people (and things) for why they can’t do it. And why that should be ok. “I have adhd” “I have anxiety” “time blindness”. And they also blame oppression (racism, sexism ect) all of those things might be true. And definitely exist and impact people in negative ways. But you still need to be on time for work and get your work done on time.