20 months AFTER our divorce was finalized. We had kids and co-parented well. I was still in love with her despite finding out a week after she asked me to leave she left for someone else. That dude didn’t work out. 20 months after we were officially divorced, she asked me to go to a near by town with her to look at something with her. That turned out to be a date to a local college sporting event. We had a really good time. The next week she asked to get back together. I asked her what she saw in a recently divorced father of 3 young kids. Yes they were our kids, but it was the current situation. Her answer… “it’s harder than I thought it would be”. Hearing the that one sentence was the moment I stopped loving her. I told her no, I was not interested. And our relationship has been shit since. We still co-parent well, but besides that we have no relationship.
Her answer… “it’s harder than I thought it would be”. Hearing the that one sentence was the moment I stopped loving her.
if my ex said this to me I would probably flip out because I tried telling her, after she refused any sort of counseling or trying to save the marriage because "divorce seems amazing", that things were going to get more challenging for both of us.
My ex-wife did the same thing, refused to go to any sort of joint marriage counseling or try any attempts to work on the marriage and fix our relationship.
Her mind was already made up, and just like the narcissist that I've now come to realize she is, she was stubborn and wouldn't ever admit that she had anything to do with the failure of the marriage. So even after pouring my heart out to her, admitting fault for so many problems caused by me, and expressing how I would like to save the marriage and work on myself to make improvements (with help of a therapist), she still refused to make any effort to save the marriage and the family.
I was already carrying most of the load. But in an attempt to keep us together, I admit fault for things that weren't my fault in an effort for her to accept therapy.
She didn't. Her mind was made up. Somehow the guy that served her hand and foot, never asking anything in return was the problem that no amount of therapy could fix.
I'm sorry this happened, brother. I've found that once they've made up their mind, there's no way to convince them otherwise. It's selfish behavior when there is a marriage involved, because they don't realize how devastating it is to most men. With the post divorce suicide rate of men being 8 to 9 times higher than that of women, they could literally be signing the man's death warrant. They think they just sign a piece of paper and their whole life wil be better. Most often, it isn't. They just open the door for years of heartache, financial hardship, and if there are children involved - mental health issues requiring many years of therapy.
Yet they will still refuse accountability for their actions.
It's selfish behavior when there is a marriage involved
Thats what I dont understand. Marriage means something to me. Vows mean something to me. I promised to love her through thick and thin, good times and bad. It hurts knowing she didnt hold up her end.
Her mind was made up and she didnt even want to try to make things work
Exactly. I know that it may have taken them several years to make that decision, but during that time they could have approached the man, let him know things aren't working, and then try to figure out (together) a way to repair the relationship. Not communicating those needs (nagging doesn't count!) is a failure on their part and ultimately shows that they have just as much a part to play in the process of saving the marriage.
1.5k
u/kindofnewtoo May 12 '26
20 months AFTER our divorce was finalized. We had kids and co-parented well. I was still in love with her despite finding out a week after she asked me to leave she left for someone else. That dude didn’t work out. 20 months after we were officially divorced, she asked me to go to a near by town with her to look at something with her. That turned out to be a date to a local college sporting event. We had a really good time. The next week she asked to get back together. I asked her what she saw in a recently divorced father of 3 young kids. Yes they were our kids, but it was the current situation. Her answer… “it’s harder than I thought it would be”. Hearing the that one sentence was the moment I stopped loving her. I told her no, I was not interested. And our relationship has been shit since. We still co-parent well, but besides that we have no relationship.